Married or Not

[toffee87]

Surely if the father was responsible and had children, he would make a will so the children would be left something.

How many parents do that though? They say what they want, but don't put it in writing, they don't think anything will happen. It's not just the child, it's the partner as well. If a partner dies without a will or marriage, they are left with nothing. I'm not saying people have to get married, just that I can see why they do.

 

[Cinnamon]

I wanted to be married before ttc, but that's my point of view and if we would of had a surprise before that, it would have been much loved anyhow. I just wanted to experience married life before sharing our time and tiny home... If you want to make sure your OH is covered in case anything happens, you can always register at the court as a couple, or at least in spain you can. You have exactly the same rights as married couples but without being married...

 

[venusrockstar]

I'd say married first...just a belief of mine I guess. My family has always looked down on people who have children out of wedlock...I personally don't think it's a huge issue, but for me I wanted to be married first.

 

[MoonMuffin]

Well me and my DH didn't get married untill a month after Kathryn was born. I think that you should do what works for you, If you want to be married before hand go for it, but if it doesn't work out that way it's fine, nothing wrong with it imo.

 

[kate.m.]

I recently got married, and have no children as of yet- so i guess i'll b doin it the "traditional" way round! I would have loved to ttc before marriage, but (aside from that fact that hubby wasnt and still isnt ready) i didnt seriously consider ttc untill after. Im not really sure why! I agree with a lot of people on here: a secure, stable relationship is more important than being married- and having one doesnt guarantee the other!

I think that i held off because of the social stigma attached to being unmarried parents, which would have come from my parents and inlaws! I didnt think they'd have seen us as serious/grownup unless we were married! I know that is flawed logic coz there are obviously loads of exceptions to that comment, thats just how i would have been afraid of my family seeing me (even tho it shouldnt matter how they see me blah blah blah!)

 

[V11kae]

I dont think its is essential to be married, I wasnt married when I was pregnant with Alex although I was engaged. Being married makes your family feel a little more complete. I'll let you know if its any different being pregnant and married this time round! lol x

Hope everyone is well! x

 

[JayneJ]

A Family is a family, and the most important thing is that you love and take care of each other........
Some of the most together families I know have unmarried parents, and over the last year 3 of my very good friends have gone through a messy divorce with there respective partners. I think you should live your life the way you want.......I was unmarried when I gave birth to my first two and married when I had my third.....made no difference what so ever!

 

[Aria]

Either married or in a relationship as committed as a marriage, yes. By "committed as marriage," I mean either engaged or married in a spiritual sense as not everyone believed in government marriage licenses. A government-condoned/licenses marriage isn't necessary, but the dedication is.

But I am adamant in my belief that two people should NOT be trying to have a baby if their relationship is casual or they are not committed to the point of marriage.

 

[bigbloomerz]

I'd never really thought about it before I met my OH, we discussed it and decided to do it the "right" way.
I personally dont think it matters, there isnt a right or wrong way.
Aslong as the parents are in a loving and trusting relationship and both wanting a baby for the right reasons then thats all that matters.

I got married last year to my OH because we wanted to whilst we could afford it, babies take up a lot of funds! I also wanted my children to look back on mummy & daddys wedding day pictures, like I did with mine x

 

[jackiea85]

We got married first but I think as long as you are committed to each other it really doesn't matter whether you are married or not xx

 

[Drazic<3]

We are getting married shortly, so the way it works we will be married and ttc. Having said that, as long as you are committed to each other I don't think it matters.

 

[lozzy21]

The whole married thing, alltho id like to be, means nothing realy. My mam has been devorced twice. In days gone by where you could not devorce you had to be married before you did anything. Now a devorce is so easy to get that some people are getting married before they are ready or on a whim.

 

[Dixielane]

I just wanted to know how many people on here think you should be married before you have a baby.
Is it important.

I personally have no religious belives and do not intend to be married when im with child. At the most i will be engaged to be married. But i think having the children makes it all that more family special.

What do you think?

Personally, we chose to be married first. There are alot of people out there who rush into things, have an accidental baby.. I'd like my baby to know his mom & dad were married, and happy, and that he was very wanted and not an accident.

Aside from that, we are Christians, and to me morally it is the better decision - not saying its not the only "way" for everyone, but for us we felt like our relationships solidity was important before venturing into baby making. Going through trials and tribulations as a married couple, IMO is a little different than non-married, and adding a baby is even more a challenge. Not to mention, from a professional prospective, I've seen more relationships end when the couple moves in with eachother before marriage. Its important for me and my DH to give the baby everything we can as a couple, and the best way to do that is ensure our relationship is STRONG with no gaps in it. Before, I didn't completely see it this way, but now that I'm married and did not get pg before marriage, I am proud of it.

I know theres some who are married and unhappy, and vice versa. But this is just me

 

[AP]

evey since OH's mum has found out, she wants us married. in the state of affairs im having with him just now, i dont think it will ever happen!

 

[caz81]

I am married, as a Christian i think it is important to be married before ttc, I know lots of people might not agree with this but to me and my husband it is important

 

[lozzy21]

Personally, we chose to be married first. There are alot of people out there who rush into things, have an accidental baby.. I'd like my baby to know his mom & dad were married, and happy, and that he was very wanted and not an accident.

Aside from that, we are Christians, and to me morally it is the better decision - not saying its not the only "way" for everyone, but for us we felt like our relationships solidity was important before venturing into baby making. Going through trials and tribulations as a married couple, IMO is a little different than non-married, and adding a baby is even more a challenge. Not to mention, from a professional prospective, I've seen more relationships end when the couple moves in with eachother before marriage. Its important for me and my DH to give the baby everything we can as a couple, and the best way to do that is ensure our relationship is STRONG with no gaps in it. Before, I didn't completely see it this way, but now that I'm married and did not get pg before marriage, I am proud of it.

I know theres some who are married and unhappy, and vice versa. But this is just me

Im catholic, my nanna was a devout(sp?) catholic and my grandad(different sets of grandparents) is a minister in the church of scotland and nether of they would want me to get married to some one that i havent lived with as i belive you cant realy get to know some one compleatly unless you have lived with them. When we go to stay with my grandad and grandma we are put in the same room as we live as a married couple therefor are treated as one. I belive so many relationships fail because they rush into things and get married before they truly know the person, out of the 5 people i know that rushed into marriage only 1 of them is still with their partner.

Oh and i plan on getting married but not just yet as we belive you should only get married once and we want to make sure that we are making the right decision. We have been together for 3 years now and probably wont get married for another 4 but this is just my oppinion.

 

[calm]

We lived together for a few years before getting married, not as a trial, it was just the process of getting married is quite slow in my country. For me it would not be a reason to WTT. As long as you are committed, happy, and can manage the whole thing in all ways, I don't see the problem. It is of course a personal option. The only thing I think must be hard, is waiting to live together til after getting married, going out with someone is never the same as sharing a life, many people have a nasty surprise.

 

[Amygdala]

I generally agree with you being married before having a baby (for me personally, I wouldn't want to tell anyone else what to do. I'm not a Christian, in fact I'm not religious at all but I think getting married shows (again, at least it does for me) your commitment to a relationship.

But I don't agree with your argument about not moving in together before. Don't get me wrong, I think it's everyone's own decision to make. But surely the fact you mention above does not show that moving in together before marriage makes people split up. Rather it shows that people who are in a less stable relationship are less likely to get married. Do you know what I mean? Of course unmarried raltionships break up more often than marriages, because most people only get married if they're as sure as they can be of their relationship. Marriage doesn't magically make a relationship more stable, rather it shows that both people involved think it's stable in the first place. And of course a relationship is more like to break up if people live together (married or not) because it means they're closer and if they aren't right for each other it's more likely to show.
I personally think that you should live together before getting married to be able to make an informed decision. Because getting married does not save you from finding out that you're not right for each other, exept if you do then you're now dealing with a divorce, not "only" a break-up.

Again though, I think it's a very personal decision to make and I'm not judging anyone who has kids without being married. In fact I don't think it's what matters at all as long as your kids know that mummy and daddy love each other and wanted them. Being married is just my way of saying to my husband and the world that we belong together.

 

[toffee87]

Marriage to me is important. I'm athiest, I view it as a committment to one another, nothing to do with there being a God (IMO). From a cynical perspective it's just a piece of paper, a contract to one another.

I want to be married to show that committment to one another.

I think at the end of the day, if you're having sex before marriage, then ultimately you have to be prepared for an oopsy!

 

[Winter Belle]

i want to be married but only so that I have the same surname as my children as they will take their dad's surname. We are getting married in 4 months time so it should work out quite well i hope.