Mass Public Emoting - How do you feel about it?

[TattiesMum]

Thanks to a poster in a thread in 'Books and Reading', I recently discovered the 9/11 faker, Tania Head and found the whole story absolutely fascinating.

But it got me thinking - not so much about the 'why?' (which to me seems pretty obvious), but about the whole 'hierarchy of grief' and modern way of emoting publically about events.

So, do you - like me - find the modern way of lighting candles, laying flowers and crying for complete strangers (Princess Diana, victims of accidents/terrorism, Steve Jobs, Military Personel etc, etc) to be completely incomprehensible? (and actually an insult to the family members/friends of those who have died) ...

Or do you find it completely harmless and understand why people do it?

 

[Brookey]

Personally when someone in the public eye passes away, I always think how sad it is and feel for their families but I cant say ive ever cried for them.

Although i guess if i watched, for example, a documentary about 9/11 and the victims families are crying...then that would probably make me cry.

I feel sad when I hear people have died but if ive never met them then I probably wont cry for them. I dont mean that in a horrible way, its just I dont get moved to tears very easily.

I think its because I lost my dad when I was 21 (3 years ago). The tears I cried for him were raw, real, painful tears so I just cant imagine having that same emotion for a stranger.

I dont think its wrong if people do though, everyone has different ways of expressing sadness I guess.

 

[TattiesMum]

I'm sorry for your loss Hon

That's kind of what I meant though ... when you lose someone close then the grief is raw and real - and watching someone else's grief makes you sad for them ....

But when people start sobbing about complete strangers I just find it - well ... offensive I guess ... because that grief can't possibly be real - I suppose I see it as attention seeking

 

[Nibblenic]

Simply, I agree! lol

I just dont get it, infact I think a mass out pouring over one human is pretty insulting if not selfish. There is always someone worse off, who is going through something similar

 

[smelly07]

erm i am not sure about this one!!!

I guess it depends on the situation and reason for doing it, if its genuine sadness, paying respects etc etc i dont see the problem.

I know when i have read/watched people talk about the messages/letters/flowers/kind words etc etc left/sent to people like sara payne whos daughter sarah payne was murdered and madeline to name a few, never felt people were disrespectful or viewed it as an insult and the amount of 'support' helped them get through it.

Although i have never cried for a stranger i do feel sad about hearing about people who have died, i understand why people do it i guess and feel that its not doing any harm and isnt an insult to the family x

 

[Yammas]

Im on the fence on this one...

If it is someone who is well known like a celebrity then I suppose its ok for fans to want to mark their passing although I think crying for someone you dont know is a bit much. The same goes for national tragedies like 9/11 i think its ok to mourn the event as it effects everyone in a way.

As for randomers mourning for murder victims (Dont get me started on Madeline ) if you dont know them then they should stay out of it imo Id hate it if someone I knew who died then had a ton of people posting tributes like they were best mates its patronising imo.

 

[Lightworker]

I think in some ways, it is nice. If a public figure dies, they lived their life mainly in public so its only to be expected that they touched some lives, and people will be moved by their passing. As to how family feel, I think some feel that they have their grief trumps the general public, I remember when Michael Jackson died, Janet went on stage and said something like .." you may have all known him, but he was our brother, our family"..so maybe in some ways they don't appreciate it, but I would like to think they would be more disappointed if the world didn't do something in remembrance.

At the same time, I think it sucks that ordinary people die every day, people who have probably benefited their communities in greater ways, without the huge recognition. But thats just all about ego then isn't it.

 

[Sarahkka]

Hmm.
I think it is normal and even fitting to mourn a great public figure, particularly great leaders or icons. They shape our lives in all sorts of ways and lighting candles or leaving flowers is just a sign of respect to me.
As for masses of tears when you didn't even know the person (like in a tragedy of some sort), I think all of us are sometimes affected empathetically by the things that happen to others. I can think of some pretty awful accidents that happened to children, often involving a disappearance and search. The moment I hear news like that, my heart is in my throat and I feel very real anxiety for that child and I can barely think about the state the parents must be in. When a search winds up in a tragedy, I have grieved for that child quite genuinely and sent a message of respect. I have found that since having children, any news involving awful things happening to children really sends me for a spin emotionally. I don't think it's inappropriate to show a grieving parent that you care what happened to them and their child, as long as it is done respectfully - so posting a message of condolence on a website or forum, for example, would be a quiet, non-intrusive way of showing you care; but showing up at their door weeping and wailing with a statue of their dead child that you carved yourself? Maybe not so much. There's a fine line between sharing/respecting someone's loss and grief and becoming self-indulgent in your own emotions to the cost of what is helpful or supportive to theirs.
And I have heard a lot of families of victims of violence say that the outpouring of condolences and support was one of the things that helped them remember that the world is full of good, kind, caring people - after a monster pretty much wipes out their faith in humanity by what was done to their loved one. Kindness of strangers, eh?

And quick post-script: I get why people mourn celebrities, but some of it is weird. Acting like a member of your own family died is a bit much, I think.

 

[TattiesMum]

And quick post-script: I get why people mourn celebrities, but some of it is weird. Acting like a member of your own family died is a bit much, I think.

This is actually what I meant

Empathising and being saddened by a tragic event is one thing ... whereas behaving as though you have lost a close friend or family member is something else entirely.

And Yammas ... don't get me started on Madeleine either

 

[marley2580]

There's some situations where I think it's normal eg Dunblane shootings and Norway shootings elicited mass shock and grief in a nation. But things like Diana was strange, even I got caught up in it, it was like mass hysteria - catching.

 

[Tasha]

I have never cried over a loss of a person I dont know, other than a baby/child.

How ever, I do understand the morning of singers because a lot of people do feel they know those people in some way, they relate to their music, their music has been a sound track to maybe an important event in their life and so in some way they are mourning this thing they almost shared. I guess the military is a respect thing.

 

[ahcigar1]

For me it depends.

For one person like MJ or Diana or someone of that nature, no I didn't cry. Did I feel bad for thier families and freinds? Yes. But I didn't cry for them.

On an event like 9/11 I can remember every detail of that day and that moment as if it was yesterday. At first no I didn't cry, just cause I was in total shock that something that horrific had happened. But the next day and the days following and listening to some of the stories, yes I did cry a bit and get choked up.

And some things hit me more than others. On march 2nd there were horrific tornado's that ripped through an area very close to where my family is. One F4 tornado that was on the track for them destroyed everything in its path. There is one family that they did a story on that still doesn't sit right with me for some reason. The mother, father, 3 year old boy, 5 year old girl, all died instantly, while an unidentified 13 month old baby girl was found in a field over a mile away. Family was able to identify the girl as the only survivor of that family, 3 days later she joined her family in Heaven. Things like that bring tears to my eyes even now. And I still for some reason will randomly think of that family and get teared up.

So for me it just all depends on the event personally. I guess it is tragic things that happen that get me worked up.