masturbation and IVF

[bek74]

I have been with my hubby for 15yrs and he has never done it, and now that we are taking the IVF route, he has to produce sample while my eggs are being retrieved and he is freaking out, he isn't sure if he can do it or not. It really grosses him out at the thought of doing it. The doc said I can do it for him and they can freeze it, but they said fresh is better and since his sperm count is really good they are hoping the eggs will fertalize naturally.
So I guess I am asking, how did your partners handle it? did you do it for them and have to frozen? or what helped your partner do it.

My hubby isn't into dirty mags, or porno or anything like that, it really doesn't turn him on, he thinks they are just dirty *beeps*

So any help would be great, so I can pass it on to hubby to help him.

Thanks ladies (and your partners lol)

 

[lioness168]

DH said "just relax, be patient, its not going to feel the same way as it does with your wife but it does come eventually. Just think of your wife and nice thoughts and the outcome is worth all the negatives he may feel. Good luck."

Best of luck.

 

[TrixieLox]

The chances are, he probably has done it before but a tad embarrassed to admit it so sure he'll be fine He probably did it just the other day while you were shopping, no?

Seriously though, if he really hasn't, maybe take some cheeky snaps (classy, mind) and pop them on his phone and tell him he can only look at them for that occasion? That might help? Then delete afterwards, ha ha!

God, this whole business is just so undignified, isn't it? My hubby had to give a sample (just for normal sp test) but I was at work so couldn't help him. He managed fine... we kinda didn't talk about it, presumed he'd just get on with (the British way, don't mention it and it hasn't happened!). I'm not sure he was thinking about me when he did the deed though ;-) Especially seeing as the last he'd seen of me, I'd been cleaning the loo!

Anyway, masturbation is uber healthy for this TTC business as the more he releases his sp, the better (as long as his sp is healthy that is).

 

[Mrs R]

My DH dreads the thought of having to 'perform on demand' as he calls it, but so far has had to give 3 samples and hasn't had any problems. The more your DH thinks and talks about it, the harder he will make it for himself.

At the end of the day, it's not a big deal and your DH just has to remember that. Good luck

 

[reallyready]

maybe do it together with him until he is more comfortable doing it alone, make it as part of your foreplay, make it clear to him that you have no problem with it to relieve his shyness about it. he may just need the cue of acceptance from you about it.

 

[CurlySue]

In fifteen years he has never masturbated? That's what they all say.

My OH was dreading it too but he said it wasn't that bad. I offered to help but he said it just put more pressure on him. It's best to just forget about it until the time comes that he has to do it. Otherwise it'll be a case of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Tell him to just close his eyes and think of nice things.

 

[JASMAK]

I am sure he has masturbated, but perhaps does not want to say. I would just not talk about it with him unless he brings it up...it might be stressing him out that you know he has to.

 

[bek74]

Thankyou all for your advise and pointers.

Seriously he has never, he had serious motorbike accident a few years back and we couldn't have sex and he just couldn't bring himself to do the deed, he ended up having wet dreams and was relieved that way.
My hubby doesn't get embarrassed to tell me anything (oh gosh i wish he would sometimes, there are things I just don't need to know, lol) he is a real bloke, bloke and the thought of him playing with himself just turns him off.
I do like the suggestions of classy pics and introducing into our foreplay, maybe we can give that a go.

I told him he needs to just take his mind to another place and not focus on the act. I told him I didn't give a rats who or what he thought about as long as I get ya sperm LOL.

Thanks ladies.

 

[Kelly9]

Wow never masturbated? Thats hard to wrap my head around tell him he doesn't know what he is missing, it's half the fun sometimes! You could always send him sexy text messages or tell him a little private story before you separate for your procedures, you know something sexy for him to think about.

 

[AngelWonder]

Thankyou all for your advise and pointers.

Seriously he has never, he had serious motorbike accident a few years back and we couldn't have sex and he just couldn't bring himself to do the deed, he ended up having wet dreams and was relieved that way.
My hubby doesn't get embarrassed to tell me anything (oh gosh i wish he would sometimes, there are things I just don't need to know, lol) he is a real bloke, bloke and the thought of him playing with himself just turns him off.
I do like the suggestions of classy pics and introducing into our foreplay, maybe we can give that a go.

I told him he needs to just take his mind to another place and not focus on the act. I told him I didn't give a rats who or what he thought about as long as I get ya sperm LOL.

Thanks ladies.

hi, I kind of have the issue with such accident. DH will be going for surgery to get sperm, as motorbike accident damaged something there so bad. For you that is/was not an issue?

 

[JJKCB]

in less the has something like autism/ocd/a sexuality etc... then I struggle to believe he has never done such a base line instinct, its a huge psychological part of self development

are you sure hes not saying that because he feel thats what you want to here... men often feel there being trapped or tricked by women (especially the early days where a slip up will ruin everything) so they will go with what safes the safest response (example: do you think the girls in playboy are pretty?... no love of course not there whores and I would never even look at them - when in reality of course he has), once the lie is established its near impossible to admit you have been lying the whole relationship

at the end of the day no matter what the reason he dislikes it is he will just have to suck it up, im sure having a baby is important enough that you would do anything even if you didnt like it

 

[Ktbird]

So glad I read this. We are in the same boat! My hubs does not masturbate. (I know y'all won't believe that, but I met the man doing missions work. He is innocent to a fault!) He thinks its dirty!
Anywho, our doctor told us that we have 30 minutes from "extraction" to get it to him. We are going to fool around in our garage and then book it to the office. (A 15 minute drive.)

 

[Briss]

TMI: I actually feel for you. Until we started TTC I did not realise that my DH never masturbates (I assumed all men do), initially I did not see it as a problem but now I do cos we don't BD much outside my fertile days and his sperm needs to move to stay fresh, without masturbating/BD regularly its quality reducing considerably. He has low sperm count so in the last 3 years we had several SA done and every time it was a nightmare cos I had to be with him, we used a special condom (you can buy it at the clinic it's specifically designed for this purposes) and I would give him a BJ (it's a hard job cos the condom does not have any lub on it, it's completely dry and after a while it gets painful but I am determined to get my baby at any cost necessary ). On one occasion I had to be away on the day and what do you think? he managed on his own just fine! I still wish he'd masturbate from time to time as there is a biological reason for this apparently