Maybe tmi but need advice

[addie25]

Quickly let me tell you my story.
Got pregnant quickly found out after I was pregnant my husband and I were carriers of cystic fibrosis. Lost the baby at 14 weeks.

Every time my husband and I have a child on our own we have a 1 in 4 chance the baby will have cystic fibrosis this is why we will do IVF next time and every time after this to not risk those odds.

HERES THE TMI: I am scared to have sex with my husband now. I am scared we will get pregnant by accident and the baby will be sick. I am not going on birth control because we will try again with IVF in a couple months and so he said he would wear a condom. I am still very scared. Do you think this is normal? What should I do. I do not want to not have sex, he is my husband. Im scared if I let this consume me and we do not have sex it could damage our relationship. My husband says that is silly that our marriage does not revolve around sex. He just wants me to heal from the D&C and wait till I feel ok before we do again. I do not think that is silly, sex is part of a marriage. How do I get over this so I do not have fear?

 

[spellfairy]

If he is happy with the condoms , go with it. will put your mind at ease.

 

[addie25]

Condoms do not put my mind at ease. I am so fearful of getting pregnant naturally that I am just scared to have sex. I am going to buy a fertility monitor so I can see when I ovulate and ovoide those days till after we have a child and I can go back on birth control. I just want to get rid of the fear and I am not sure how.

 

[spellfairy]

sperm can live longer so they say donot use a monitor or opks as help. hope you figure something out hun. If youve planned ivf to decrease risks thats great, maybe ur wanting someone to say what will be will be? whatever the outcome you will know yourself what to do. Your doc could prob give u better advice. x

 

[addie25]

IVF will make sure the baby is healthy that is why we are doing it. I am not scared of that. I am scared of getting pregnant by mistake.

 

[Thistledown]

I think the fertility monitor is a good idea as a back-up to condoms. You may still want to avoid intercourse well before OV, but you should be safe a few days after OV. I don't think there's any reason you couldn't also use a spermicide before IVF? That would give you added protection. If you're really scared, you could use a diaphragm as well as condoms and/or spermicide. You can reduce your chances of getting pregnant to essentially zero. If there's a 0.01% chance you'll get pregnant, AND only a 25% chance that that 0.01% chance would get both copies of the bad gene... well, that's a pretty infinitesimal chance of getting pregnant and having the baby be sick.

There are always other intimate things you can do, too, that can't result in pregnancy. You may just have to get a little creative until you're less scared, and/or when you're fertile.

Also, if you can, talking to a counselor of some type might be a good idea. Just to help you deal with the fear before it becomes overwhelming.

 

[addie25]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. We have already done 2 of those things. We have gotten creative (Since I just had d&c I can not have sex for a few weeks anyway) I have also been talking to a therapist since after we found out the baby could have CF. My husband has been so great telling me that sex is not what a relationship is about and he feels so close to me and just wants me to heal physically and emotionally. I really am so lucky to have him.

 

[baileykenz]

gl to u