mc and your sex life

[honeybunch2k7]

Did anyone's else's sex life go down the porcelain pisser after a mc?

 

[Omi]

I dont mean to distress you but what in particular do you mean? There could many reasons the old sexlife decides to take a nosedive, you know

It could be that your hormones have not evened themselves out after the mc? Or your oh can be upset, distressed about the mc? or plain worried about another pg? You might not feel particularly up for it..heck you've both been through the wars..or you simply need som emore time to find as the say ' the loving feeling'.

Whatever you are feeling, whatever is happening, having a little heart to heart, discussing how you feel might be the trick. Or sometimes just a bit of cuddling and romance will get things moving in the right direction. Not necessarily back into the bedroom right away, but love is a healer!

If none of this applies to you, please disregard my crazy rambling and feel free to point me in the right direction as im am damnded sure you are not alone, hun!!

, Omi xxx

 

[Wishfull]

Sorry for your loss sweetie.
It took about 6 weeks after the m/c before me and my OH felt we could be intimate again. Lots of things going through both our minds. Both worried was i healed? Would i get pregnant again? Would i lose another baby? OH was very sensitve to the fact that if i fell pregnant again he would (hopefully not) see my go through such pain and heart ache.
Every couple is different. It depends on wether you both feel ready or not. Its such a terrible and traumatic time for both of you. That it sorts of shocks the soul and can be difficult to express such loving feelings towards each other after losing a baby.
I hope you and your OH are still close even at this diffuclt time. Things will (get back to normal) when you both feel ready.
Take care sweetie.
xxxxx

 

[WelshGirl]

Hey hun, so sorry to hear about your mc

A bit different, but our son was Stillborn in January this year, and it took a good 6 weeks before we had sex again.....mainly we were both worried about causing me physical pain, or falling pg again.
I think we would have gone a lot longer if we hadn't talked about it though - so I'd encourage you to talk to your OH about it all.

xx

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Well, this whole year has been a struggle.

I really don't know how he feels on the inside. One time he said something about being traumatized, but I had to back him into a corner for him to say that much. However, he says he is fine,but he can barely look at the ultrasounds I have of Taylor. He says it makes him feel uncomfortable.

I wish he'd just be open with me emotionally.

We've had plenty of talks. It's like we go around in circles. Our sex life just seems to be getting worse ever since the mc.

 

[Wishfull]

Aw sweetie im so sorry. If talking is no good maybe just try being intimate with really talking. Cuddling being romantic all that. Though you've prob tryed that. My partner couldnt talk to me about the m/c. I just tryed to let him know i was there for him. Hugging him more. Kissing, cuddling. Things just led from there. If your OH is struggling maybe mentioning talking to someone else about the m/c, baby would be good for him and you. He may have worries about you. I mean as in he might be shocked at what you went through and is worried it might happen again if he got you pregnant. Maybe his doc should talk to him?
Then again trying to get a guy to talk is top 10 hardest things to do.
So sorry sweetie. Wish could be more help.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Omi]

Hi Honey,

im glad i didt scare you totally off with my post, sorry hun..i just wanted an idea what exactly was the problem. Hmmm..you're most decidely not alone and im afraid your problem is mostly related to the 'strong silent type' syndrom. Many of us have oh's with this problem and it can manifest itself in lost of different situations.

I can very much sympethise with you having problems with your oh getting to open up. However, at some point you might have to accept that there is some places he will never go with you. He might not ever wanna look at the scan pics and he might never wanna really, talk about that period of your life ever again. This sucks majorly for you as this being your partner you obviously need to be able to talk about this thing that happened to you as a couple..but again..there might be somethings you might have to put to rest as a conversation topic between you.

He obviously seems very deeply wounded by this, and thats a good sign..at least he's not a total ice cube (cause believe me there are those out there too..). I would get some vino (or whatever your tipple is) and start of by saying you need to say this and that you need to know from him what he can and cannot talk/hear/know about.

You might find out its nothing..or he might surprise you with saying that with time he might feel deifferent.

This is obviously still a very open wound for you both..but as a couple you will need to find that middle ground..im not making light of this believe, but in this instance 'men really are from Mars...' as the book says. They just digest and deal with things different. the sooner you can bribe, co-erce or drag that out of him (God, i have walked in those shoes, sweetie!!) the sooner you will both heal as the loving couple that you really are and find that spark..in and out of the bedroom.

Give him space and find that middle ground honey..with time..and some tlc (as some one else wisely mentioned) you will come back from this- you will!!!

All the best, love!

, Omi xxx