meltdown tactics and support

[Reid]

So talking with some other mums on another thread about our kids meltdowns and different tactics we all use to calm them down
Though it would be really useful to share all ideas here on what you find works for your child so please share 😊

*my son's 4 and is speech delayed. His tantrums come from mostly not being able to communicate. 1 sure trigger is bringing him in the house he loves being outside running round and when it's time to go in he gets upset which turns into anger and frustration. My hope is that if I have this little box at the bottom of the stairs when we go in it will work as a distraction x

 

[Reid]

PresqueVu had a fantastic idea she suggested on another thread which I think could help a lot of mums and dads out
A calm down box or bag which she put a mix of sensory toys in
I'm just on amazon ordering some things to try this with my son
His meltdown is normally triggered when we bring him in the house crying screaming running round throwing things which can last 30 odd mins I'm sure you all no the deal lol
Some pictures to follow of sensory toys you could use in you can box x

 

[Reid]

This is what I just ordered to put in my son's calm box poundshop has some good tubs with a lid and handle which I'll use

Some brilliant buys on amazon for this x

 

[Reid]

Something I use just now which has really helped us establish a steady sleeping pattern is some relaxation music and for a good few months now my lo was been going to be at 9 and sleeping till 8 the next morning x

 

[Reid]

Some better pictures of what I've ordered for his calm down box x

 

[MummyMana]

I usually try to keep her safe and wait it out, I've tried so many different things... Although since she's been able to say "noise" and put her hands on her ears we haven't had as many meltdowns

 

[PresqueVu]

Hey thanks for posting this

I read about a calm down box in one of rather a lot of articles I've read, and adapted it - it works quite well it allowing them a bit more freedom in learning when they are getting cross and how to calm themselves down. So it's more a preventative thing, or at least has been for my boy.

Sand timers, glitter sticks and soft tactile things work well - anything that lights up, or vibrates. A couple are cat toys

Music is a great idea! Have some large noise reducing headphones for the (long) walk home - as sometime at the end of a school day he doesn't have any energy left to talk to me.

We also have, a few times, had to make use of the 'screaming tree' which is essentially the first place it's safe and grassy that he can just lay down and cry, and kick, and scream without actually hurting himself or me. If I can only get him there.

The ultimate best thing I've been trying to learn is a thicker skin. Some people are judgemental, and a lot don't understand. Their opinions do not matter. We do what we have to, to keep ours kids safe and they can't help it when it gets too much for them!

 

[Thurinius]

Do any of you have any tips re obsessions? I mean the fixations on certain things in my sons case going to bed involves taking his pants off in exactly the same place (or else meltdown), then a very lengthy pajama choosing process (which I can interrupt otherwise meltdown), then he has to get his pajamas on whilst sitting on the chair (otherwise meltdown), then into bed and he has to decide on how many kisses each teddy gets (if I give them more or less then Meltdown) and then 'his medicine' basically a bit of water in a syringe, then he gets into bed but the minute I turn he has to get out of bed and sit on the chair for some reason. I leave him at this point.
There are other fixations too on moving books about in the lounge, to lights going on at the same time each day even thought it's light in the evenings now.

Do you guys go along with these things or do you try and break them?
Some of them he has let go, at one point he had to carry a blueberry around with him at all times

 

[Reid]

Hey thanks for posting this

I read about a calm down box in one of rather a lot of articles I've read, and adapted it - it works quite well it allowing them a bit more freedom in learning when they are getting cross and how to calm themselves down. So it's more a preventative thing, or at least has been for my boy.

Sand timers, glitter sticks and soft tactile things work well - anything that lights up, or vibrates. A couple are cat toys

Music is a great idea! Have some large noise reducing headphones for the (long) walk home - as sometime at the end of a school day he doesn't have any energy left to talk to me.

We also have, a few times, had to make use of the 'screaming tree' which is essentially the first place it's safe and grassy that he can just lay down and cry, and kick, and scream without actually hurting himself or me. If I can only get him there.

The ultimate best thing I've been trying to learn is a thicker skin. Some people are judgemental, and a lot don't understand. Their opinions do not matter. We do what we have to, to keep ours kids safe and they can't help it when it gets too much for them!

I noticed on ebay they sell made up calm down bags with these sort of things in them. I'm hoping this will help him it's really only when I bring him in the house he kicks off he loves being outdoors and because he's speech delayed it's his only way of telling me he's not happy about it so I understand it so if he knows he can go in and get this fun box I'm hoping it will calm him.
Xx

 

[Reid]

Do any of you have any tips re obsessions? I mean the fixations on certain things in my sons case going to bed involves taking his pants off in exactly the same place (or else meltdown), then a very lengthy pajama choosing process (which I can interrupt otherwise meltdown), then he has to get his pajamas on whilst sitting on the chair (otherwise meltdown), then into bed and he has to decide on how many kisses each teddy gets (if I give them more or less then Meltdown) and then 'his medicine' basically a bit of water in a syringe, then he gets into bed but the minute I turn he has to get out of bed and sit on the chair for some reason. I leave him at this point.
There are other fixations too on moving books about in the lounge, to lights going on at the same time each day even thought it's light in the evenings now.

Do you guys go along with these things or do you try and break them?
Some of them he has let go, at one point he had to carry a blueberry around with him at all times

I don't have any experience with this kind of thing at all but I guess If it wasn't harmful in any way I'd just roll with it xx

 

[sequeena]

Great thread. Honestly most of the time I panic and think fuck what do I do!!!! I generally take him to a quiet corner and let him calm himself down with his dummy. I have found vocalising his feelings can help but it's a bit hit and miss. I think because he doesn't understand what I am saying.

I find trying to give him objects a big no no as he will just launch them or hit himself/me with them.

Mostly I panic.

 

[Reid]

Great thread. Honestly most of the time I panic and think fuck what do I do!!!! I generally take him to a quiet corner and let him calm himself down with his dummy. I have found vocalising his feelings can help but it's a bit hit and miss. I think because he doesn't understand what I am saying.

I find trying to give him objects a big no no as he will just launch them or hit himself/me with them.

Mostly I panic.

I'm really hoping the box works for us will let you no how it go's. Sometimes I just leave him to it till he snaps out it himself normally do this when he's in 1 of his moods and anything you do say or if you try and comfort him makes him worse the once he's had his 10 mins he'll come for a cuddle guess he just needs to vent xx

 

[AP]

We have an Ikea egg chair and a tent + tent bed, its her own space when things get too much. We've tried vibrating stuff but its doesnt much of an effect.

Music is a big thing in my house so often her fave tunes can turn the world around

 

[Starry Night]

I'm new to the autism diagnosis but I've been handling my son's meltdowns up to this point by sending him to his room, let him get the worst out of his system and then I go into the room and sit on the side opposite him, speaking gently. If he's not done he usually screams at me and I leave and try again later. He likes to wrap himself tightly in his blankie from head to toe when he's upset. I usually leave him to it.

My son doesn't often have major meltdowns though. The really big, scary ones are rare so still struggle with those!

 

[PresqueVu]

Do any of you have any tips re obsessions?...

Do you guys go along with these things or do you try and break them?

If it isn't affecting daily life, or school, I've got to be honest I just kind of leave it. I'll try and encourage slight changes, or take a little longer to give him something - do it slightly wrong etc if I can.

The things he's truly focused on that DO affect life, when we have to stop them - he'll have a meltdown and we have to allow for the time and recovery of that =/

I was talking last night with a friend whose mum works in SEN, and one part she was talking about was in terms of where you need to restrain them to keep them safe - approaching from behind, in a kind of bear hug can be better than from the front. This does seem to make sense in terms of the overload of faces/expectation etc being removed. She was saying that you can start off by wrapping arms higher up over the chest and then as they calm down move your arms lower. That's just for where you have to hold them otherwise they run off or hurt themselves.

 

[AP]

The bear hug is a great tip. We've also tried pressure vests.

 

[Reid]

This is our little box most of the stuff came today. I found a fantastic Website that sells some really cool stuff and the prices are great
https://www.pheebsters.com

 

[Dollybird]

Stalking! Great thread idea! My LO doesn't have autism but he certainly has meltdowns aplenty! Love the wee calm box idea. Would be great to create a smaller portable version for meltdowns/tantrums at the shops etc xxx

 

[Emma23]

Great thread. Will be stalking.

My son doesn't have autism but he has a genetic condition (along with a few other things) + suspected ADHD. He doesn't meltdown consistently but when he does he can really hurt himself, he has a habit of hitting his head on things. If I notice one coming on - which is usually when he gets frustrated at something that he can't do - I try to distract him but it doesn't always work. I don't send him to his room, mainly because he would probably just hurt himself if he was alone. Possibly on purpose but he also could accidentally as he has very little vision (he is legally blind). I just say to him that I know he's angry right now so I will sit here with him until he's done feeling it. I play music for him as he loved music, I sometimes put on a movie that he likes for the familiar noises. Luckily he doesn't have major meltdowns too often. I never know what to do when he's really bad.

 

[R_x]

Hi hoping for some advice.
My son is 5 and we are waiting for him to be assessed for autism.
I have no idea how to deal with his meltdowns out of the home. He occasionally has them when he comes out of school, between him, having his younger brother with me and his bags etc I find it a real struggle to even get to the car.
Also days out, he had a huge meltdown on our last day and and people kist stared at him