Men excluded from baby showers?

[Larkspur]

Baby showers are private events, they can be whatever the individuals holding them want them to be. Having an all-ladies baby shower is no more sexist than me getting together with a bunch of my girlfriends for a cocktail or my OH going out for a drink with some of his guy friends.

Aliss, who was getting their pants in a twist about this?

 

[robinator]

Well, now I finally know what "wetting the baby's head" means

 

[Pearls18]

We don't really do baby showers in the UK, I imagine as with most things from the left side of the Atlantic it will gradually increase here and there will be people here who've had one, I personally don't know anyone who has. Maybe it's my British prudish-ness but the notion makes me uncomfortable- please come around and give me presents for being pregnant, lol (I know it's not about just that but it does feel a little bit like another excuse to over commercialise an event) we traditionally get gifts after the birth or the christening. So I can't say about men being involved, can't say my DH would be overly interested in 2 hours talking about babies, he gets enough from me.

 

[aliss]

Baby showers are private events, they can be whatever the individuals holding them want them to be. Having an all-ladies baby shower is no more sexist than me getting together with a bunch of my girlfriends for a cocktail or my OH going out for a drink with some of his guy friends.

Aliss, who was getting their pants in a twist about this?

I was ready some sort of Dear Abby Etiquette debate

 

[m_t_rose]

I don't think it is right for men to be excluded from baby showers. Sexual discrimination is the only form of discrimination that is still widely accepted and we will never change stereotypes and make it so gender discrimination is not ok if we keep perpetuating them. I have no problem with activities that are mostly male or mostly female activities but I do have a problem with people saying men cannot go to (insert event) or that women cannot go to boys nights out or to a men only sports party. I feel it is as unacceptable to say this event is for men only as it is to say this event is for white people only. I will not go to an event that doesn't allow certain people to go and neither does my family. People may say that is over the top but unless we stop accepting these types of things it will always be acceptable for people to discriminate based on genders.

Also I hate baby showers and if I have to suffer through one so should my DH

 

[NellyLou]

I don't know, I don't really consider a baby shower for women only gender discrimination, and I certainly wouldn't compare it to racism. It's a party. If you host a party, generally you pick the people you want to invite. If all teh people you want to invite are women, then that is fine. If it is a private event that is not open to the public, you can pick and choose who you want to attend all you want in my opinion. Otherwise every party ever held could probably be found to be discriminating in some way.

 

[m_t_rose]

It is absolutely gender discrimination. I am invited to the baby showers of my OH's family some of whom I have never met and he is not so it isn't a case of you invite all your friends who all happen to be ladies, because he is not invited not because he doesn't know the people as well but because he has a penis!

I can't see how it is different than racism if I invited all my extended family to a party but left out my brothers wife who is black that would be racism. Would it be different if all the spouses were black and I didn't invite any of them solely based on their colour... No. So how is not inviting someone so something based on gender not discrimination?

People complain that their DH doesn't help as much with the baby and that their DH doesn't give up as much. Well no kidding considering that society tells little boys that things related to baby's are only for women.

 

[mrs_park]

I don't think it's sexist or discriminative. It just comes down to the fact that often (not always, but often) men and women have different interests. I don't feel the need to include my hubby in everything single thing I do.

If I want to go on a shopping day or out for high tea and pedicures, I invite my mum or my best friend. Not because I'm purposely excluding DH, it's just not something we need nor have to do together. I see baby showers the same way.

 

[overcomer79]

My husband quite enjoyed ours! We are going to a family one (with kids and all) in May but it is also a /graduation party. She is hiring a baby sitter so the older kids can play outside and be watched. Ginny will be worn by me but still it will be nice to not have to chase the 3 year old all over th eplace!

 

[Noelle610]

I think people should do what they want.

That said, I think comparing excluding men from babyshowers and racism is a bit... off

 

[m_t_rose]

Can you tell me how discriminating against someone based on their genitals is any different then discriminating against someone based on the colour of their skin? Both are things that a person doesn't get to decide. Neither are things that determine your value. Neither are things that determine your personality and yet we are still deciding on who can come based on a physical trait. Gender discrimination is so widely accepted people don't even realize that it is discrimination. If we want men to be as active as women are in raising children we need to stop telling them that baby things are just for ladies!

I don't judge anyone based on their choice to go just as I hope I am not judge based on my choice to not attend these events. I makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

[Noelle610]

I guess I don't see this as gender disrimination. Would you call a bachelor party discriminatory?

 

[Leesy]

I guess I don't see this as gender disrimination. Would you call a bachelor party discriminatory?

Couldn't agree more. What's the big deal, a bunch of ladies get together and have a fun afternoon.

 

[Noelle610]

I guess I don't see this as gender disrimination. Would you call a bachelor party discriminatory?

Couldn't agree more. What's the big deal, a bunch of ladies get together and have a fun afternoon.

Yeah, I mean the intention isn't to exclude men because women are superior. If you've ever had a girls night in/out, it's pretty much the same thing.

 

[NellyLou]

I guess I don't see this as gender disrimination. Would you call a bachelor party discriminatory?

Couldn't agree more. What's the big deal, a bunch of ladies get together and have a fun afternoon.

Yeah, I mean the intention isn't to exclude men because women are superior. If you've ever had a girls night in/out, it's pretty much the same thing.

That's a great way to put it! I completely agree! It's not exclusion because women consider themselves better than men. If it was, then yes I would consider it discrimination. However racism is due to people thinking their race is better than another.

 

[Leesy]

I guess I don't see this as gender disrimination. Would you call a bachelor party discriminatory?

Couldn't agree more. What's the big deal, a bunch of ladies get together and have a fun afternoon.

Yeah, I mean the intention isn't to exclude men because women are superior. If you've ever had a girls night in/out, it's pretty much the same thing.

That's a great way to put it! I completely agree! It's not exclusion because women consider themselves better than men. If it was, then yes I would consider it discrimination. However racism is due to people thinking their race is better than another.

Exactly, I just can't see anything likening a baby shower to racism.

My OH is going to a mate's house tonight to have some drinks with the boy's and spin some records. Do i feel discriminated against because i am not invited? NO! Am I going to enjoy some me time with a glass of wine when my baby is in bed? YES!

 

[socitycourty]

Personally I always found that the women who I knew that insisted on "couples" showers were the very clingy/insecure ones.

I would not dream of having my DH at either my bridal or baby shower. He is 100% not interested and would most likely have ruined it for me.

It's ok to have some things that are just for men and just for women, IMO

Forcing your partner to do things doesn't mean that they will care....it just means that they'll sit there and be resentful

 

[staralfur]

Personally I always found that the women who I knew that insisted on "couples" showers were the very clingy/insecure ones.

Ouch.

Anyway! My bridal shower will be a "girls only" event (with me and all 4-5 of my female friends ) but only because my OH could not give a shit less about that. He actually wanted to be a part of the baby shower and so he was. If my OH said to me "I'd really like to go to this baby shower" and I said no, then MAYBE I could see how you'd call it discriminatory, but I think overall guys just don't care if they're a part of showers.

I've imposed my way into guys' poker nights in the past because I like poker and I like to drink beer and I didn't want to spend my Friday night alone because I have no penis. But I also accept that sometimes my OH just needs a night out with his guy friends to do guy things, just as I go out for dinners with my girl friends without our OHs. I don't think it's discrimination to not invite your spouse/members of the opposite sex to EVERYTHING you do.

 

[socitycourty]

Personally I always found that the women who I knew that insisted on "couples" showers were the very clingy/insecure ones.

Ouch.

Anyway! My bridal shower will be a "girls only" event (with me and all 4-5 of my female friends ) but only because my OH could not give a shit less about that. He actually wanted to be a part of the baby shower and so he was. If my OH said to me "I'd really like to go to this baby shower" and I said no, then MAYBE I could see how you'd call it discriminatory, but I think overall guys just don't care if they're a part of showers.

I've imposed my way into guys' poker nights in the past because I like poker and I like to drink beer and I didn't want to spend my Friday night alone because I have no penis. But I also accept that sometimes my OH just needs a night out with his guy friends to do guy things, just as I go out for dinners with my girl friends without our OHs. I don't think it's discrimination to not invite your spouse/members of the opposite sex to EVERYTHING you do.

i meant no offense......but in the group of ladies i know it's always been the case

 

[Tiff]

When we did our baby shower, my hubby full out told me that he had no interest in sitting around watching me open up gifts and oooh and awww over baby gear. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the gifts, but that wasn't really his thing. Nor for his friends.

So while I had the typical "baby shower" and opened up gifts, all the SO's of the girls I invited went with my hubby to shoot some pool and have some drinks. If he wanted it to be the both of us, I would have been fine with that too.