military wives-pcs at 7 months with possible deployment!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by sweetpea01, Jan 26, 2011.

  1. sweetpea01

    sweetpea01 Well-Known Member

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    It has taken my husband and I like years to get pregnant. This will be our first and possibly only child. We have orders to pcs and I will be 7 months at that time. At that time my husband will possibly deploy and not get to see his one and only child born. It is really stressing me out to have our baby alone. I think my family would come to help me but it just kills me to know that my husband won't possibly even get to see his child until 10 months and it kills me to know that my husband will not get to hold his baby during the first few hours of life. Has anyone been through this? How in the world did you get through it! It is killing me and is ruining my happiness for enjoying my pregnancy right now because all I can think about is that my husband won't be here. My heart feels so broken at this. I know military wives do it all of the time but we have tried for 8 years for this pregnancy and the most precious part of it is being taken away from us. I have so many worries about it all with the birth just being a big but just one part of it all. We are trying to get extended where we are currently at so he can at least see the birth but I don't have faith that it will go through because to the military we are just another number and they put you where they need you regardless of family situation most of the time and I know I am not a special case but in my eyes I am. Just how do you deal with it...how do you get over the fact that your husband won't get to see the birth or the first 10 months of life..it is breaking my heart.
     
  2. magicbubble

    magicbubble Well-Known Member

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    oh gosh! he wont get to see it till its 10 months!?! that must be awful for you both! my husband is in the military. im lucky though as he is away at the moment till march so will be back for the birth in good time, and only gets sent away for a couple of months at a time - even though it does seem to be a couple of times a year so far. i would hate to be in your shoes. is there anything he can do to get his dates changed or anything? i know one of my husbands friends got to come back early as his wife had gone into labour. will they do anything like that for you?
     
  3. sweetpea01

    sweetpea01 Well-Known Member

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    We are trying our best to get extended for our current duty station for a few extra months so we can just stay here and have the baby. My main concern is for him to be at the birth, be able to hold his baby before he has to be deployed. As it stands now the exact month we are to report there they are supposed to get deployed...so I don't know if they will let him stay behind for the birth on Rear D for a couple of months until the baby is born....I will get on my hands and knees to beg someone to let him stay back if I have to. I feel pretty desperate. I'm praying that the people we are talking to now can help us. I know there are other wives that have had to go through the same thing...we are not trying to get out of any kind of deployment....just want him to see the baby at least. If he gets deployed it will be a 12-15 month deployment...which means he will be able to see the baby for two weeks on his R&R and who knows when that will be. I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best and really hope that we can talk to some very understanding people that can actually help us and let us extend in the current duty station....even if it is only until the baby is born...I'll take anything I can get.
     
  4. if it helps any- i am due in september and my boyfriend is getting deployed right after that to afghanistan until next april.. so our baby will be 7 months old... it's hard, but that is the life of the military sadly :(
     
  5. Blzgak

    Blzgak Well-Known Member

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    I know EXACTLY what you're going through sweetpea. It's kind of crazy too that as I was clicking on your post my husband showed me a text he just got that said they've finally been slotted to leave in June of this year and I will be about six months along.. He is in the Army so he will too be gone for 12 months and I pray nothing later.

    I understand your stress about you OH making it home in time for the birth. Even if he does have plans for R&R we all know that we shouldn't get our hopes up about dates because they're almost always delayed. I know that I can't really say anything to make the situation any better for you, but we can always be here for eachother! If you need anything feel free to message me.
     
  6. Lynzipora

    Lynzipora Well-Known Member

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    I am in a duel military marriage...we are both active duty and serivng in the armed forces. For the first four years of our marriage we were on opposite deployment scheduales....he would go out for 6-9 months then come home and I would immediatly leave for 6-9 months. So really, we couldn't have kids if we wanted to, and all of our relationship was through 15 min phone calls, random emails and packages. It worked though because, as cheesy as it sounds....we were doing it for a purpose. Missing each other didn't hurt because we put service before self and loved what we were doing. We finally got to be together for a few months while in korea and managed to get to the Baby making at this time. But he left soon after we concieved.....so I had to tell him through Skype that we were pregnant and we won't be together until we start the second trimester. Even then, we will be stationed 4 hours apart so we will have to live in seperate apartments and only see each other on the weekends. We don't look at this as a bad thing though. I think it's all on perspective. We think we are "lucky" to be stationed that close together...I mean it could be worse...I could have gone overseas. We aren't sad or bitter he's missing the 1st tri and then most of the pregnancy/ living with baby cause we'll be apart. Cause well I dont know, that just our mind set.

    I have no idea why I told you all that...just to give you another story of how it is I guess. Another perspective. In your situation I would try to get a "RNLTD Extension" (report no later than date) so he could be there for the birth. He will more that likely have to deploy and if he does...you need to be there for him. You need to be positive. He's already having a hard enough time leaving you and his baby behind, having you add guilt and misery to that will just make him miserable out there and distracted from the mission. He needs you to be positive and happy. He needs you to find the silver lining in this situation because you are his foundation and support system. The way you behave, and react will affect his deployment and mental state out there.

    A cute solution my husband and I do when we are seperated is that we created a private photo album on Facebook that only he could see and I take 1 picture every single day for him and in the caption I write a little note to him about what I did that day or that I miss him. It make us feel not so far apart cause he can look in my eyes every day and see me. That way he can see you and baby every day and fell like he is out there for a good reason.

    Be positive please.
     
  7. wow lynzipora, that is a really sweet story! :)
     
  8. sweetpea01

    sweetpea01 Well-Known Member

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    I feel better in hearing you guys stories...it reassures me that I am not alone right now in this situation. Even though I knew there were others going through the same thing , it's good to hear some people speak up here on B&B about their own stories. We have been through several deployments and in the military for 12 years...so I do know how deployments are...just not with a baby. I'm not so concerned about that ...just mostly wanting him to see his baby born.

    Lynziepora I can totally see how your whole perspective can change because of the situation you and your husband were put in and it is great that we have military like you that truly care about serving their country and sacrificing so much. I love your attitude and wish more people had your attitude. Thanks for telling me your story and it does truly give me a positive perspective and helps me see that it's not the end of the world. This is the reason why I posted this post because I needed to hear how people are dealing with this issue so that I can try and learn a better way of looking at the situation to help me with my own attitude. To see a different way of looking at it.

    BLZGAC and prdlyexpecting, I am also here if you need to talk and message. I hate that any of us have to go through this but we can do it and we will do it well and I think our little ones are going to be keeping us so busy we won't even have time to think.
     

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