Mini name rant

[tinystar]

So I am still officially WTT but DH's mum was talking about grand kids and it came up that if I had a boy it would be called John cause that's the family name. FIL is called John and DH middle name is John and its assumed that our child would be called John and his son would have the middle name John.
Its the assumption which got me also that our child will have the family last name so it would mean I would have no part in naming my child.
The DH is on my side and even though we are not even trying for a few months we have the names settled. We have agreed to have John as a middle name to keep the peace, but already I am worried about the fall out. This is one in a long line of issues really MIL is retired and wants to be a proper grandma when we have kids, sounds like she wants to be round every day! Eekkk
The names we have chosen already are
Phoebe Violet
Noah John
Now I just have to get knocked up

 

[Proserpina]

So I am still officially WTT but DH's mum was talking about grand kids and it came up that if I had a boy it would be called John cause that's the family name. FIL is called John and DH middle name is John and its assumed that our child would be called John and his son would have the middle name John.
Its the assumption which got me also that our child will have the family last name so it would mean I would have no part in naming my child.
The DH is on my side and even though we are not even trying for a few months we have the names settled. We have agreed to have John as a middle name to keep the peace, but already I am worried about the fall out. This is one in a long line of issues really MIL is retired and wants to be a proper grandma when we have kids, sounds like she wants to be round every day! Eekkk
The names we have chosen already are
Phoebe Violet
Noah John
Now I just have to get knocked up

We have a similar problem in our family. DH's father is named John Earl. His firstborn sons were identical twins, named John Joseph and Paul Earl (Paul is my DH). John Joseph had a son last year, whom they named John Robb (yes, with two Bs). However, to distinguish him from his father, they call him by his middle name, Robb. DH's parents hate his middle name (can't blame them for that much) and insist on calling him "John," even though that makes for three men going by John in the family! SIL finds it annoying. I don't like that she named baby Robb with two Bs either, but if that's what she wants to call the kid, they should call him that. It's not like "Robb" is phonetically any different from "Rob."

Last year, before we got pregnant, had the in-laws over for Thanksgiving and got to discussing baby names. We mentioned our choice for a boy baby name, Constantine. DH's parents were horrified and openly snorted. (Rude!) They asked why we don't name him Paul after his father. DH hates both his first and his middle name, and I hate the patriarchal naming convention of naming sons after their fathers, so neither of us has any interest in any part of DH's name appearing in a son's name.

I say that if you really have no interest in "John" being part of your kid's name, you just ditch it altogether. You do not have to continue this tradition just to keep peace with your in-laws. It's your kid! And John really is kind of an overused name, precisely because of this tradition. But if you want to keep it as a middle name to keep the peace (sounds like they'll still be upset that it isn't the first name), go for it.

Good luck getting knocked up.

 

[JJKCB]

traditions are weird things, theres a tradition in our family (im the only one that dosnt fall into it) that if a child has a middle name they get called by the middle name instead of the first otherwise they only get given one name - i noticed this very young (dad, brother, aunties etc... all use there middle names to the point where some of them dont even know how to spell there first names - mam, uncle, cousins dont have a middle name) so i kept that 'tradition' and my son is know by his middle name

the family looked at me like i was nuts lol... apparently its not a tradition just a weird coincidence that the whole family works like that, for my next child he will go by either his first name or a combination of both first and middle though

 

[tinystar]

I am not a fan of the name John at all I know to many of them already, but I am cool with having it as a middle name if it means an easier life.
I can't believe that your in laws snorted at your name choice that's beyond rude! It amazes me how other people think that they should have a say in your baby's name. This convo with the MIL really opened my eyes. It was like the holidays and weekends were suddenly all mapped out for me. Seriously thinking about when I get knocked up buying a tshirt that says my baby my rules

 

[JJKCB]

you could always honer the name but change it, john is Hebrew and has lots of variants

there's:

Johnathan (just a longer version)
Johnny (just a different shortening of the above)
Jack (a common nickname for John)
Iain (Scottish for John pronounced e-an)
Evan (Welsh for John)
Gianni or Giovanni (Italian version of the name John)
Sean (Irish for john pronounced sh-au-n also can be spelled the English way as Shaun or Shawn)
Zain (English meaning John)

names with meaning linked to the biblical name John:

Jordan (the river when john the baptist baptized Jesus)

names similar:

Jan
Jonas
Jonah
Jonty

 

[tinystar]

Hmmm never thought about that, DH is very keen on a biblical name so some of those work really well. Thanks

 

[kcmichelle]

I had a similar issue. John's galore with it always being passed down. David as well. But my hubby also wanted his name as a middle name so we just settled on JD Michael. Surprisingly everyone was great with it and he really suits the name. Plus JD is such an uncommon name, unlike John. I do like the name Johnny though. Good luck! It's tough when the family feels they can name the baby for you.

 

[Proserpina]

I can't believe that your in laws snorted at your name choice that's beyond rude! It amazes me how other people think that they should have a say in your baby's name.

Yup. There are many reasons I haven't told them I'm pregnant yet--and when they do learn, it will be via general Facebook announcement that everyone will get. This is one of them.

 

[BubsMom17]

I got guilted into naming my son after my DH and my FIL. I was actually OK with it because I do love the name (Daniel), but there were other boy names higher up on my list... My husband very much wanted DS to follow the tradition, so I was OK with it. FIL and DH don't have middle names, so we changed up with tradition with adding a middle name (Julian). Plus side is I get free reign with choosing # 2's name!
BUT if you and DH are not OK with it, DON'T go along with it! Families tend to be really judgy and possessive over the naming thing and I just don't get it! You don't have to love every name, but it does not impact the quality of anyones life outside of the kid! Everyone has an opinion, doesn't mean they're all worth sharing...

 

[emergRN]

Hah! Sounds like my MIL!
My FIL is called lee, and she said 'of course', we'd be using lee as our sons middle name!
I mean... I have a dad too....

I think our son will be Owen Michael (my bros name as a middle name)... But really, the Gaul!

You get to name your kid what you want! Your MIL already had her own children!

 

[m4nc3r]

This was literally the first conversation my MIL tried to have with me when we told them the news with number 1.
A lot of her family have passed away and I understand that she wants to retain some of the names, BUT her entire family have disgusting, old fashioned names. I stretched to say I would consider Carolina as a middle name for a girl (her name is Carol) but that was my only compromise on the whole thing.

I finally weaseled out of it by saying it wasn't fair to name after their family and not my own, then having 2 middle names would be too much (as we were originally considering a double-barrel last name)

I know she tried to get the idea in place the other day as I'm expecting number 2, but I quickly doused the fire by telling her all the names I was thinking of (none of which would work with what she wants XD)

 

[Elpis_x]

Ugh, I absolutely hate that other people (family members or otherwise) think they can have a say in naming your baby. They have had their chance to name their children, so what you name your's is none of their business.

I do plan on honouring both my mum, dad and OH in future children's names, should we have a son and a daughter. But that is because I want to, not because it's being pushed! If they're names you like anyway, or you do want to honour family members, then I think it's a nice gesture. But I hate it when other people assume what you will name your children!

 

[phoebemum]

Go with your instinct.

Not to be mean but your MIL won't be around forever but your child will have to live with the name for the rest of his or her life.

If she doesn't like it tough, she will come round when she sees her little grandchild.

BTW, my daughter's name is Phoebe...............go for it!!!!!!!!! xxxx

 

[Proserpina]

BTW, my daughter's name is Phoebe...............go for it!!!!!!!!! xxxx

Ooo, Phoebe. Benefactor of the apostle Paul, deacon of the church in Cenchreae. (Rom. 16:1-2)

Good name.

 

[tamithomas]

DH and I made a deal that since he was pretty solid on already have picked the first name especially if it's a boy it will be his late father Jacques and for a girl Abygale, that the middle names if a girl my mom's name if a boy my dad's so it has at least some part of me in there.

 

[daneuse27]

I had a similar situation when I was pregnant, except the argument was with my ex OH. He really wanted our baby to be a "jr" if it was a boy (named after him) and I'm not a fan of juniors personally. He wasnt willing to make any arragements, such as have me insert a middle name that I liked or something. Nothing.

If it was a girl (which we ended up getting) he wanted his mom's name, Teresa, to be the middle name. Which I also didn't want.

After seeing what I went through in labour, he ended up backing off and let me name her what I wanted Phoebe is beautiful by the way. I think naming a baby should be between the two parents and other people shouldn't be imposing their views on you. Its not just about their family and their tradition, its about you too! And if you want my honest opinion, any man with true respect and appreciation for what we women go through in child-bearing should not insist on a name we don't want. Don't pick a name you don't love, this is your child, its forever.

 

[fayefirth]

ignore what anybody else says, this is your baby!
my husbands middle name is David, after his Dad. my MIL has said if its a boy, to have middle name David! No way! Not my cup of tea, and i'm going to name my baby what i like, even my hubby isn't bothered about keeping family names x
I just think, i would hate to regret the choice i made just to please other people! x

 

[discoclare]

What the others said basically. Your MIL had her kids and made her choices, it's got nothing to do with her what you name your children (and I wouldn't discuss with her until bubs is born and you announce the name if it were me!).

 

[tinystar]

thank you for all your replies. Me and the DH had a talk about this last night and we are not bending and calling a boy John (should we have one) We are happy with the names we have picked out and as many have you said its OUR baby.
On a side note getting excited now we start to TCC in about a month. So hopefully Phoebe or Noah wont be too long away