General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Do I even need to go to the bahamas

Will catch up soon

 

[HalfricanMa]

I love hammocks like that Dobby!! Especially for wrapping up in the cooler days with a book or a drink. Enjoy!

 

[DobbyForever]

It was short lived A was in the dog run and he likes to yell/talk to randoms on the street by standing on the dog igloos so I figured I should be close in case he falls or there’s sketchy people

But yes! Got it during prime day long time ago and finally set it up. I don’t put it away though between uses so I’m also low key scared of spiders

Gigs my mom will 100% pay for things. I'm curious how that might change as she transitions into retirement. She wants to be done now, but she doesn't think she can afford it. She's supporting my brother entirely and bails me out a lot. I've been in like endless court battles since 2018! AH! I'd be so rich if I wasn't constantly retaining attorneys lol. You're right though, definitely going to save Everglades. If anybody knows any fun kid friendly stuff in Miami haha. Hindsight looks like we may be asked to disembark by 10am so oops. Fail planning on my end. Only issue would be what to do about our luggage... s****. but end of day, I hate how much I've put towards court and I don't want that to impact the experiences I want to have with A. That was part of it. Like my last attorney asked a retainer of 6k and this trip (just the stateroom) was only 1.5k. Future Dobs can figure it out hahaha. I think worst case I'm going to ask bad lawyer for that 7k back and if she says no I'll complain to the state bar and they'll make her give it back.

The resolve though not to spoil it for hubs. He snagged a good one

Ah Shae I know I had the same thoughts as Gigs about the sweetness between you and your sister but I'm drawing a blank and so tired I need to click back to remember

 

[shaescott]

Gigs aw that’s so disappointing about the email. I would’ve been so sad. I figure I’ll do the retail blood test (can’t remember the name, the one anyone can buy on online), they have the result as an image in the email I think so it won’t show up before you open it. Oh wait… sneak peek? Is that it? Anyway. I figure we’ll do that and open the email together. And then confirm at the anatomy ultrasound together of course.

Dobs the hammock looks relaxing! Every cruise I’ve ever been on required us to disembark early in the morning. Like 8 am early. It always sucked to have to get up super early to leave the vacation lol. It’s like they’re like “okay cruise is over GET OFF”

Thanks for the love on my little sis. Our relationship got complicated when I became a Christian because she’s gay, and she was worried that meant I was going to hate her because I do agree with the traditional Christian beliefs on marriage. I made it very clear that that was not true at all and that I don’t expect non-Christians to follow Christian moral values, I want to know what’s going on in her life, be at her future wedding, etc. I explained to her that I support the legalization of same sex marriage in the USA because this country was founded on the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and I do believe that being able to marry the consenting adult of your choice falls under the right to the pursuit of happiness. We’re not a theocracy. I also reminded her that I didn’t exactly stop having pre-marital sex with DH after becoming a Christian (I felt guilty about it, but I couldn’t stop for more than a week ), so I have absolutely zero ground to stand on. However, it took her a while to really believe me. Luckily, we’re back in a spot where we can just hang out and laugh and shoot the sh*t. She’s in college 3 hours away, I got to see her last night/this morning when her and my mom came to VT to visit for a day, but usually our relationship is scattered random text convos and memes she’s also more of a girly girl like me, so we bond over that.

No news yet re: the test, hopefully we’ll hear back Monday.

 

[gigglebox]

Dobs girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl I want one of those next to a fire. Fill that cup with diet coke. We're set.

Do you have an conditional agreement for the retainer? That's an awful lot of money if you didn't get anything from it. I hope you get back that sweet chunka change.

Shae fx you get results tomorrow and everything is good. If he doesn't pass, will he have the opportunity to try again? That's lovely about your sister That's the kind of relationship I wish I had in my life. Cherish it!

Never been on a cruise but it's on my bucket list. Still not sure if it's something I'd like to do with or without the kids....not that it matters, not like we can afford that anyway, ha.

In other news i got a horrible hair cut. I hadn't had my hair professionally cut in 5+ years and I regret it so bad. She cut a huge chunk out of the left side of my hair only, so it's all short (chin length) from the front back to my ear, then long layers under that. Not nearly as much cut from the other side. *sigh* this is what I get for trusting someone else with my hair I guess! For the record it was all pretty long, just past my boobs. Now it's about armpit length at the longest :/ I knew I was going to have to take off some length due to damaged ends but the choppiness........not what I asked for. She was trying to thin it out I guess to make it look fuller? But like i explained I had lost a lot of hair recently due to illness...so why cut out more?! I was just having faith she knew what she was doing.

Oh well. It will grow back and now I know better I guess.

 

[shaescott]

Gigs oh nooooo I’d be so sad about the haircut. I always tell hairdressers to just trim it, no layers or anything, just a straight trim. I’m too worried that the layers would look wonky. Plus I have fine hair, so I definitely dont want them thinning it out.

If he doesn’t pass, he can’t take it again for 6 months. I think if he doesn’t pass, we’re just going to look for a different opportunity.

And yes, I so appreciate having a relationship with my sister. She’s usually in the loop when I think there’s a chance of pregnancy haha, she tolerates my crazy and is always hopeful that she’ll get to be the fun aunt. She does want kids eventually, but due to her medical issues she really shouldn’t get pregnant, it’s a little risky, and she doesn’t want to pass along her genes, so her road to motherhood will be a lot more complicated. Her plan is either to do IVF with her future wife (wife would carry the child) or adopt.

Not entirely sure how successful DH’s pullout was last night, my inner thigh had a very suspicious fluid on it and I’m not sure if it was me or him. It only being on one side is suspicious. He thought he made it out on time, but he couldn’t be 100% certain, and when he turned on the light to look at the area, he was not super confident lol. I swear to god this is just every month now he was like “well, a baby wouldn’t be the worst thing” lmaooo. I’m sure the chance of pregnancy is super low regardless. I really think at this point that I’m not going to get pregnant unless we manage a full deposit oops within a day of ovulation, or if we start actually trying.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae so weird! I wanted to comment on the SP email, but I can’t seem to find my results email! I do think it just said something like results are in. I remember especially liking the email because it didn’t display immediately. But I could be making this up. Technology has really come a long way!

Yeah we always wanted to get off early anyway because we’re not the lounging type, but I felt like some people took their sweet time. Definitely misremembering . I know I booked the later flight time because of pricing/ being worried about not making the super cheap flights in the morning. I saw something about day use hotel rooms, so I did email one but they didn’t email back. To be fair, they said it’s better to call haha.

Aww Shae that’s so wholesome. I love it. And I feel like it’s easier to give up the premarital goods if you haven’t already have it or you’ve already gone a long time without it. That’s lovely you got to see her yesterday! 3 hours seems close, but it’s rough when she’s in school and you’re working.

Yeah I feel like we're either in for full TTC or an oops by the end of the year. I love that he's getting comfortable being a bit less careful. He clearly wants a baby, I get the sense from your posts that he just doesn't want to make that call and then hear from people in his life that it was selfish and reckless to decide to have a baby. I feel like people are so much more forgiving when you have an unplanned pregnancy and rise to the occasion vs coming out and saying we're trying at a time that they don't approve of.

Hopefully it works out that her partner can and will carry a baby. Adoption is beautiful, too. I'm glad that, while the path isn't linear, she will have options to be a mom one day.

Gigs ugh! I’m so sorry. That’s so frustrating when you are clear in your expectations and they still go way off. Especially on something that can’t be immediately fixed. But you’re right! It will grow back. Maybe even healthier if you’re saying there was quite a bit of damage. Is it really bad or like it’s just so different I don’t like it yet bad?

I wanted to try and set it up closer to the fire pit but there’s not room and it throws off the aesthetic. Only issue is I don’t have shade on it atm so it’s not always a fun spot to be haha.

-Cruise stuff that could stand to be more concise but I'm so tired-
Just keep an eye on the sales! The room itself isn’t usually bad. They get you with the onboard activities and shore excursions. I have too much anxiety to book anything not associated with the cruise line, but my mom used to be a travel agent. So when we cruised with her, EVERYTHING she books is through private companies and so much cheaper. But you have to do the research and vetting and then the anxiety of making it there and back on time…. We’re getting a family oceanview stateroom, so a larger sized stateroom with a window. I just cannot do a balcony especially just A and me. The room was $1k and then $600 for taxes, fees, and ports. But you factor in this includes transport to the Bahamas, nightly lodging, meals, and entertainment for 4 days. Like A and my tickets to Disneyworld (1 park a day for 3 days) was $900. So I feel like cruises can end up being a more affordable way to travel for some vacations, It would have cost triple/quadruple if I flew to the Bahamas and stayed at Atlantis directly. I know because it was one of the vacation options I was exploring before I booked the cruise. Even with my outrageous excursions, this is still cheaper than flying to and staying in the Bahamas.

And I finally got my airline credit card figured out. After ten years, I called to cancel and complain about the redemption and annual fee. So they changed my card to one that doesn’t have an annual fee. It doesn’t have many bennies, but I never cared enough to learn what mine were. I still get discounts with that airline and 2x points for groceries, so I use my cash back card on everything else and it for travel/groceries. Paid for our tickets there.

I’d say no kids first haha. Not that kids aren’t great but I think if you want to truly relax on a cruise you gotta go without the kids once. Flip side, you may not be able to relax with your kids not there. And there are the onboard kids club stuff.

AFM horse therapy was cancelled so A and I had a mommy and me.family day. Breaky at my fav spot downtown, nap time, pumpkin patch with my mom (who came in clutch standing in line for us to do the water ball hamster wheel and then running around to get him a ticket when we realized it was not included), and then dinner with my mom and brother. We sat under a crow's nest, and they got pooped on repeatedly while the crows took no interest in A or me lol. I have no motivation to work. A is sick with a small cold. I think my body is trying not to be sick. But I need to email my parents and make sub plans.

 

[autumnal]

Love your backyard Dobs. I used to live in Florida too but moved back home to canada!

Shae you sound like such an understanding and open minded person! I love it! I'm glad your sister is starting to come around!

I got some opks and lh tests in the mail for next cycle and dh is saying he's feeling pretty ready but he still wants to be chill about trying. The opks are just fun to do I didn't even have to nag him! When our youngest was born he swore he didn't want any more children! But now that the older two are in school it's so quiet around here..

 

[DobbyForever]

Autumnal I vote HE can be chill. YOU take the tests and be anything but chill with us idk if someone mentioned it, but if you want to really obsess hahaha premom (Shae introduced me so props there) will let you scan your opks and gives you a ratio read out. It's always funny how things work out. I always wanted two, and I never thought I'd be happy just having one. Just never really know until you're deep in it. I am curious though if I met a really good dad/partner in the next 5 years, could I be swayed?

Thanks! It's technically my mom's house, and I'm just blessed to be here. The house is one of the original ones that was built on this circle. So it's a very modest house. The lot is about 6500 sq ft but the house is only 950. We have a HUGE front yard (which is frankly unused space but is nice to not be right on the road. The backyard is subdivided into three sections. The first is a small grass lawn and concrete patio area where we keep the grill, pergola, sofa, and firepit table. The middle section is where the hammock is. We've got a 4 seater square table and A's playground with a cherry tree and olive tree. But they drop so much crap I didn't want the hammock under them. The last section is for our storage shed and the dog run. I just honestly praise God every day because all of the other homes on our street have been or are in the process of remodeling into these huge, no yard, two story homes. This is my idea of suburban perfection. Backyard > indoor space any day.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I think DH’s main issue is that he wants everything to be set up first, he doesn’t want to be struggling excessively with a baby. He’s just trying to be responsible. But yes, I do think he’s a little more lax because if it happens, it wasn’t technically on purpose, so he won’t be judged as much for not having everything together first.

Yeah cruise prices really don’t look all that bad lol. Though that’s crazy for taxes and fees. Now that we’re older, going on one with an adults only pool area sounds like a really good idea. Relaxing with a book and all inclusive meals sounds awesome. Like an all inclusive resort. I know some cruises even have deals with included unlimited bar, which would be amazing. Of course, it wouldn’t be as worth it if I was pregnant

Autumnal thanks! Trying to find the ideal balance of grace and truth is difficult, but we’re all just trying our best. Can’t spread the gospel with hate, it’s just not possible.

 

[DobbyForever]

Also like let’s be real. If Jesus was born today, would the standards be different? Netflix has me all in my sociology feels with these Menendez documentaries.

Yeah I don’t blame him. You know I’m big on how so much of what I have with A is because I had great foundations set before he was born. But I’m also not going to lie that my cousin’s kids are living their best lives too. I’m so glad he took the test though!!! Really shows he’s trying to move forward and make those big steps. Hoping it pays off this first round and he passes.

Maybe if you’re pregnant you get unlimited wifi and SO gets the drinks buahaha

 

[DobbyForever]

I will say though I’m a lower tier latitude member but I’m disappointed. I feel like I’m not getting as many deals as in the past. I think I made a mistake booking online vs calling in

 

[gigglebox]

"I feel like people are so much more forgiving when you have an unplanned pregnancy and rise to the occasion vs coming out and saying we're trying at a time that they don't approve of."
OMG DOBS YES SO MUCH THIS!!! This was partly why we didn't have a kid earlier. We were on the fence but felt like it'd be irresponsible. I feel like now since it just happened, people are understanding of it. Pretty much everyone has asked if it was intentional or not...which to me the implication feels like "oh this must have been an accident...right?" but maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

I have trust issues so leaving my kids with strangers on a ship while we party is a no-go. But that does sound fun...but not until they can properly swim. I have a severe fear of my kids drowning. Don't ask; I don't have an answer.
Bummer about horse day but sounds like you had a great time anyway! What the heck is water hamster ball?

Shae I definitely feel like hubby wants to do the kid thing but he must be so torn. I hope Dobby is right and we have advancement on the TTC front by the end of the year! Until then I do enjoy your tww posts

Oh the haircut...I mean it's not the worst cut I've had but it's not good. It isn't too crazy drastically different but I'm not crazy about it, and I don't know how to style these wild ass bangs. I just hope it all grows out quickly.

 

[DobbyForever]

Omg had to do a screenshot of a screenshot to get the quality low enough to post

Honestly it’s crazy how entitled people feel to someone’s decision to have a baby/the offhand comments. Though I’m sure I’d say way more stupid stuff to people if I wasn’t on bnb.

 

[autumnal]

That's so true, people can be so judgemental of anything outside of their normal.. I'm pretty lucky I have a SIL who has always one more kid than me so she makes me look normal in our family! Lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs what cruise line are you using? I’ve been on Disney, Norwegian, and Carnival. I seem to remember liking Norwegian the best specifically for their food haha but that was a solid 10 years ago. I also haven’t been on a Disney cruise since I was like… 11? So I liked the kids programs as a kid myself back then, but I remember that the Disney cruises are just insanely expensive. I would assume they’re probably not worth it for people who don’t have kids/aren’t Disney adults. I could be wrong though. The Star Wars geek in me is very interested in any Star Wars themed areas. I feel like the new Disney ship has some of that… but I could be wrong. Now I have to do some research hahaha. In reality though, if DH gets this job, we definitely won’t be going on vacation any time soon. You can’t take any time off during the training period (3ish months). After that, I’ll probably need to save up all my PTO for maternity leave if we’re able to TTC. I’m also worried that I’ll need to wait 3 months after moving/getting a new job to TTC in order to qualify for short term disability when the baby is born. Everywhere I’ve worked so far, you need to work at the organization for a year in order to qualify for it, even though you start paying into it immediately.

Gigs I’m already not thrilled with the idea of leaving my future infant at daycare 2 days a week. Like, they’re 6 weeks old. What if they don’t feed the baby enough? What if they don’t change their diaper for hours and their skin gets super mad? What if the baby cries so much that they shake the baby and then I’ve got a severely disabled child who will likely only live a few years? All terrifying thoughts. At the same time, we would not have a choice in the matter. We couldn’t afford for me not to work.

Re: judgy people, so many girls I went to high school and college with have kids now, so if anyone gives us crap like we’re too young or whatever, I will laugh in their face. I’ve had coworkers be like “oh you’re so young, take a few years just the two of you after marriage, live your life”, and I’m like, having kids IS me living my life. And also, 100 years ago, I’d be a frickin spinster with no kids at my age. People are like “you got married at 24? That’s so young” and I’m like “??????? It is literally not”. Like my body has been capable of carrying a child for 11-12 years. I started dating my husband nearly 10 years prior to getting married. I am not rushing into anything

 

[shaescott]

Okay so turns out Disney cruises have a good number of adults only stuff, but the ship with the Star Wars themed lounge (Disney Wish) only does 3 and 4 day cruises, and I’m not flying to Florida to only be on a boat for 3-4 days. I’m a 7 day cruise kind of girl

 

[gigglebox]

I swear I responded already. Now I forget everything I wanted to say.
Did you do the bubble hamster ball thing Dobs or just A?

LOL right shae?! I got married at 24 too, and man, it felt young! We were only the second in our friends group who got married. The first got married after having a kid first (one of those situations where they'd barely been together and managed to get pregnant at 18 or 19. Surprisingly all worked out and they're still married with a second kiddo too). Everyone else took a few more years or some never got married at all (well at least not yet, but some have no prospects still and are either pushing 40 or in their 40's).

Does your state have FMLA shae? is that even what it's called? Basically you still have a job if you have a baby. I did not get STD with my first (that acronym just does not work lol) but I'm not even sure that was an option...or maybe I just got screwed out of it; my company was kinda shady.

and yeah gurrl I got them trust issues too *awkward laugh*

 

[gigglebox]

@autumnal lol!! so if you have another will you be tied with kids? Is she done?
I'm curious to see if my SIL (my brother's wife) will have any more. They had a second earlier this year and said they were done, but when I told them about this pregnancy, my brother said they were kicking around the idea of a third. We'll see. They also were considering adoption at one point so who knows. But either way I don't think they're done expanding their family.

You know my Mom's done pretty good on grandkids. She's a fantastic grandma, I just wish she was more enthusiastic about us making more lol. But what I mean is to have 3 kids, then one of those probably never having kids (God I hope not), and then getting potentially 6+ out of just two kids....that's pretty good! Actually in that regard my MIL is doing great too, having potentially 7+ grandkids out of two sons! I hope to live to see all my grandkids, and I hope they are a-plenty!

edit: forgot that this should also incude the granddads, but my Dad's deceased and FIL has two kids from another marriage, so 7+ on this side of the family then 3 more with the other wife (in total he has 3 sons and 1 daughter). We joke that our family name is definitely going the distance lol

on a sad note though, my maiden name dies with my brother since he only has girls, and he and my incarcerated brother are the last two with the name. My Dad was an only child. That name doesn't go back too terribly far because my great grandfather changed last names when he came to America.

 

[autumnal]

@gigglebox Yes my SIL will be tied with me if I have another one. She told me she's done but I don't believe her hahaha! Our family sounds fairly similar, I'm one of 3 too with two brothers.

I got married right before my 23rd birthday so pretty similar!!