Miscarried... Now all I want is a baby. Advice please?

[maia.r.]

Hi everyone. So I have a long story... unfortunately back in the summer of 2013 when my boyfriend and I were 18 I had miscarriage at about 6-7 weeks. The thing is I didnt tell anyone. Not even my him. I was afraid to tell my parents and my bf had a lot on his plate I didn't want to make his situation more complicated. Not to mention we had just started going out for about 4 months. I didnt tell him about my period being late or the many positive pregnancy tests. I acted like eveything was normal. We're still together, we have been for 2 years now. Within those 2 years we went through a lot but we came out stronger than ever. So hes 20 now and I will be 20 next month. Now for the past several months Ive been feeling so empty. Like the only thing I want is my baby. The worse part is that since I didnt tell anyone about it, I have no one to talk to. I recently talked to my boyfriend about when he wants to have kids and he said no less than 8 years. I don't know what to do. All I want is a baby. I feel like I need to have a baby in my arms... Should I tell him about the miscarriage? Should I tell him that I cant wait much longer? I don't want to scare him away Is 20 too young to be a mommy? Is it normal to feel this way? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

 

[missk1989]

This thread may get closed as you are not pregnant but I would say that peoples "normal" varies. I was 21 (3 months before 22) when me and my dh decided to try for a baby and had been together 2 years. My DH (was OH) was 25 and it was his idea. Many people are suprised to hear I planned a baby at that age. I think you should tell him about the miscarriage. It was his baby too. You may find that it leads him to consider whether now is a good time for a baby if he is not ready maybe you could get a pet. I know it is no substitute but it is something to project your maternal feelings onto.

 

[skyesmom]

in case this thread gets closed, there is a great miscarriage support forum on this site that can really help you: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/miscarriage-support/

women there are great and non judgmental, regardless of their age and relationship and life situations.

by the way, i think it is totally normal to feel the way you do. you have lots of isolated, unprocessed and unshared grief to deal with.

i think a good start would be telling your boyfriend what happened in 2013. let him take that news in and be ready for all sorts of reactions as it will be a big shock to him (which doesn't mean he's a bad person or a bad partner or that he doesn't love you, just that he's shocked).

give him some time for the news to sink in and explain how it makes you feel now, because you've been so alone in it. tell him how hard it was for you to tell him back then and how scared you were.

then, if i were you i'd look for a councillor or a therapist who could help you to process your feelings of loss, grief, isolation, loneliness. even if it doesn't take the baby blues and longing away, it will help you deal with it in a better way.

i know the feeling of emptiness you talk about very well unfortunately, as i have no living children yet and it has been almost three years now since my second loss. it took me about two and a half years to come to terms with the fact that i don't have a baby in my arms when i wanted to (i wanted them before i turned 30 and now i'm 33), of which over a year in therapy and it helped. i looked for help when i was ready to, though, not when people were forcing me to.

miscarriage is among the hardest things to deal with and i can't believe you resisted so long at such young and tender age.

i hope your boyfriend will have a good and accepting listening ear for you

 

[maia.r.]

Thank you so much missk. Yeah... to think I could have had a 9 month old right now... I always have crazy vivid dreams about the baby. I dream he's a boy and he's so beautiful. I sound crazy I know but I just cant get over it. And we did recently get a puppy and it did kind of help. Not the same though...

Skyesmom I'm so sorry too for your loss. Thank you for the advice.. I'm going to talk to my boyfriend today about it. I hope he doesn't hate me.. thanks again for listening to my story. It feels good to talk about it to someone finally.

 

[Vickster1]

I found out I was pregnant a month after my 22nd birthday. We got married when I was 20 and DH was 21 and she was most definitely planned and very much wanted. Alot of people think it's odd that we got married so young and are now having a baby but it was right for us (we'll have been together for 8 years in February) I just think it varies from person to person but it has to be right for BOTH of you.

 

[maia.r.]

Aww how sweet. Congratulations vickster you're very lucky. And youre right we both have to be ready for it. I guess, like it or not I'm just going to have to wait. I just gotta tell him about it first...

 

[skyesmom]

maia, you are being very brave about it and i admire you for your courage! i keep my fingers crossed that it all goes as smoothly as possible and that you finally get some weight of your heart and soul

 

[AP]

Maia i have to redirect you to another section but you are very welcome to post elsewhere.
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/miscarriage-support/
I am sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some friends on here to support you