Missed miscarriage

[Mrs W 11]

This is my first time in this area of the forum. I had a dd in 2012 and found out I was pregnant on 13th November. My 12 week scan was booked for Monday.

On Saturday I noticed brown bleeding which continued and turned red last night. I had an emergency scan this morning and was told there was just a fetal pole of approx 7 weeks, no heartbeat.

I'm absolutely devastated, shocked, I never expected this to happen to me. We had told our families over Christmas.

I already know I want to try again but I feel very down. I struggle with first trimester and the thought of doing it all again is scary.

Just in here hoping for some support from anyone who has been through a similar thing.

I've an appointment tomorrow to discuss where I want to leave things to nature, have a medicated miscarriage or an operation. Does anyone have any knowledge on these or experience?

Thanks

 

[Celesse]

I had a MMC over summer.

I hate first tri and it feels like I was first tri for 6 months as I got pregnant asap after my MMC.

When it comes to options, natural and medical are reasonably similar. Some hospitals have you admitted for medical treatment, others do it as an outpatient. With mine I had a EPAU appointment, they put in the pessaries and I went home to miscarry. They then followed up by phone 3 days later. In my case they concluded I'd passed everything, I hadn't and I went on to bleed very heavily and was admitted and had an ERCP, (the proper name for a D&C) as an emergency.

As operations go the ERCP is pretty simple and straightforward. They knock you out, wake you up half an hour later and if you weren't bleeding before you have what seems like a med-heavy period. I had no pain afterwards, in fact felt pretty fit and healthy.

I think if you want it just over and done with then go for the ERCP. If you want closure for the pregnancy and to witness it end but don't want a long wait then go for medical. If you want to avoid treatment then go natural.

My stories in full. First the medical management, and then from when I started bleeding really heavily through to the operation. Then bottom link is how I felt when I was at your stage having just had MMC confirmed.

https://www.nommonster.co.uk/2013/08/my-medical-miscarriage.html
https://www.nommonster.co.uk/2013/08/miscarriage-what-happens-when-you-bleed.html
https://www.nommonster.co.uk/2013/07/waiting-to-miscarry.html

 

[Conina]

Mrs W - you and I seem to have gone through a very similar time recently.

I found out I was pregnant on 05 November, had absolutely no reason to think anything was wrong (in fact had a scan at 8 weeks and everything was fine) and then at my 12 week scan on 20 December was told there was no heartbeat. I was completely floored, with DS I had been a bit worried going for my scan, but this time having had the early scan I was totally convinced everything would be fine.

I was first sent away for a week (that took me all over Christmas - lovely) to see if things would happen naturally, and was back on 27 December. Nothing had happened. I was given the option of medical management or surgery. I said (and I hope this doesn't sound terrible) that I really wanted things over with as soon as possible to let me start moving on. I was told they could do medical management in a couple of days, but with the holidays etc it would be at least a week before they could do the surgery.

So I went for medical management, which they did on New Year's Eve (again, lovely). I actually had started very light bleeding beforehand, so they gave me the tablets orally rather than a pessary (at about 9.30am). I was then sent home.

I'm not going to lie to you, it was horrible. The cramps started getting really bad about lunchtime but as soon as I'd passed the sack they got more manageable. The hospital rang me about 4 to see how things were going. I told them the cramps weren't too bad but I was still bleeding very heavily (like, to the point I didn't want to get off the toilet...) She said if it hadn't eased off by 6 to ring them back, but it did ease off, probably not far before 6.

The bleeding then started again really heavy at 10ish. I was on the point of going back to A&E, in fact the only thing that put me off was I though A&E at 10pm on NYE would be a nightmare! It eased off again within an hour and since then has pretty much eased (just like a period) until yesterday when I was just spotting.

I was back up at the hospital on Friday for another scan and they confirmed everything had passed.

It wasn't pleasant but I'm glad I went for the medical rather than waiting.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope we can both move on and get our rainbow babies soon

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Oh no Mrs W, I so hoped I was the only one in our group that had to go through this. I am so so so sorry

My doctor wanted me to get the pills that dilute the cervix, but I was in such shock and cried the whole time that he booked me for the d&c immediately. For me it was not as traumatic as the natural miscarriage I had in 2012, but I do believe that you should do what makes you feel better. I was just scared of having tissue remaining and then still had to go for d&c and that would've prolong ttc for me.

Please feel free to inbox me if you want to chat.

 

[Mrs W 11]

Thanks ladies. I'm sorry for your losses too.

Celesse reading your blog has really helped me, thank you for sharing. My feelings are similar to yours were. I'm heart broken but I'm so upset because I feel I've wasted 2 months of my life. I felt sick and exhausted so couldn't give hubby or lo my attention and didn't really enjoy Christmas as much as I would have if I wasn't pregnant. I also had planned when I wanted the baby, 2 year age gap and wanted a summer baby. I'm going to find July very hard. How long did it take you to get pregnant again celesse?

Our stories do sound similar conina. I'm sorry for your loss too. Are you planning to try again? Keep in touch, I could do with all the buddies I can get going through this at the moment and who knows, maybe in future we can support each other through another pregnancy too. Xx

Thanks Angel. Yes I'm devastated but I'm glad to have support from people who have been through it. I assumed it was something that wouldn't happen to me but I was wrong. I will ok you if that's ok, the support would be great. Howis ttc going? Xx

 

[klsltsp]

Ahh Mrs W, I'm soo sorry for your loss. We were in the same group in 2012 when your dd and my ds were born. I was so happy to see you pregnant again. I too suffered a MMC, I was 7.5 weeks when we saw a faint heartbeat, no heartbeat at 8.5 weeks. I miscarried at the beginning of Oct.

I totally understand your feelings of being sick and etc. I too was still sick and it felt like some sort of bad joke, having morning sickness still when the baby had died. Big hugs to you.

We will be trying again in February (I hope), I had a bit of a rare ordeal so still waiting for my all clear.

I chose to do the misoprostol, vaginally. For me the experience was not too bad, I took it at night, cramped while I passed everything, but I slept in between. I was expecting it to be terrible, and I was very scared to take the meds, but for me it wasn't bad at all. Emotionally was a whole other kettle of fish. I found while miscarrying I was so focused on what I was doing that I wasn't too bad, but after that's when I was sad. There are a lot of great women on here who have had experience (unfortunately) with miscarrying all ways, unfortunately I think it's so different for everyone that it's a hard decision to make. Big hugs and take care of yourself.

Take care.

Kim

 

[Mrs W 11]

Oh Kim, it's so nice to hear from you but sorry it's under such sad circumstances. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck when you ttc again in feb and keep in touch xx

 

[klsltsp]

Thanks Mrs. W.

Like you I never thought I would end up at this part of the web site, although I'm now thankful it's here, my last pregnancy was so uneventful... I just assumed that it would be that way again.

Keep us posted on your apt tomorrow and what you decide, are you leaning one way or another? I found it really hard to wrap my mind around it all, but I promise things will get better, I found those few weeks to be very hard and seemed to last for ever, my ds kept me busy and my mind occupied which was a huge help.

Take care.

Kim

 

[LPF]

I had a natural MMC over last summer at 12 weeks. I'm not going to lie, it was a horrendous experience. At 12 weeks, it's not going to be easy to do it naturally. I bled severely and ended up being admitted via ambulance because the blood loss was too much. I collapsed a few times and needed a transfusion. I was also quite anaemic for the whole summer.

As my bleeding had just started when we found out, I was led to believe the natural way was the only way to go.

So sorry this has happened to you. For me it took nearly 8 weeks from miscarriage starting to getting AF and then we started trying again and we conceived cycle 3 but I miscarried 2 weeks later. Physically that was very straight forwar and nothing more than a heavy period.

It's a very scary and upsetting time. I'm very sad about everything and feel like a second baby is out of my grasp. I am SO grateful for my easy conception and pregnancy with ds!

 

[Jokerette]

oh no, Mrs W... i am so sorry to hear this. I came to find you from the Conkers thread... I am sending hugs your way. I am so so sorry

 

[Mrs W 11]

Thank you jokerette xx

Lpf it's made me realise I took it all for granted first time, I'm so grateful for my little girl! You poor thing your experience sounds very traumatic.

Kim I'm going to see what they say tomorrow but I'm leaning towards d&c surgery. I hate the idea of it and I don't want a general anaesthetic but I def don't want natural, I know it could take ages and I want closure. I worry about the meds because I was induced with Freya and had a major haemorrhage and ended up in icu so I'm not keen on that option unless they keep me in hospital. I dread it. At least with d&c I won't see anything.

What an awful day. I'm sad, confused, heart broken but thankful for what I've got. My best friend is pregnant, she was due 3 weeks after me so that is going to be very tough indeed for me.

I'm cramping now and in pain so I'm going to have some pain killers, a glass of wine (might as well it's been ages) and try to get some sleep. Hubby is going with me in the morning to hospital and my in laws are coming to help out with dd and be with me when Freya goes back to work.

Xxx

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Thank you jokerette xx

Lpf it's made me realise I took it all for granted first time, I'm so grateful for my little girl! You poor thing your experience sounds very traumatic.

Kim I'm going to see what they say tomorrow but I'm leaning towards d&c surgery. I hate the idea of it and I don't want a general anaesthetic but I def don't want natural, I know it could take ages and I want closure. I worry about the meds because I was induced with Freya and had a major haemorrhage and ended up in icu so I'm not keen on that option unless they keep me in hospital. I dread it. At least with d&c I won't see anything.

What an awful day. I'm sad, confused, heart broken but thankful for what I've got. My best friend is pregnant, she was due 3 weeks after me so that is going to be very tough indeed for me.

I'm cramping now and in pain so I'm going to have some pain killers, a glass of wine (might as well it's been ages) and try to get some sleep. Hubby is going with me in the morning to hospital and my in laws are coming to help out with dd and be with me when Freya goes back to work.

Xxx

I am sorry you had such a terrible day.

I am glad you have help tomorrow. I had no-one to look after DD and she went with us to the hospital. Hubby looked after her when I was in theater and I appreciate him helping, I just wish he could have been with me in theater as well. I was scared and sad, woke up crying after everything was over. Yes, it does make you appreciate more, but it does not mean you love your lost one less.

With my loss in 2012 my due date was three weeks after my friend's due date. Sadly she avoided contact with me after the loss and I felt like an outcast. Then in Jan 2013 she made contact again after I invited her to my DD's birthday party in December 2012. Well, now that I had my second loss she started avoiding contact again. It makes it hard when somebody doesn't understand what you are going through, especially after you trusted that person. Sorry, I started rambling now.

 

[Mrs W 11]

Huge hugs angel. Honestly Hun, before today miscarriage was something sad that happened to other people not me. I didn't have a clue how devastating it was and I guess your friend thinks you would be hurt by her pregnancy. My best friend is the same and in her text said she knew it would be so hard for me to see her bump and her baby. But although I might be sad, and I might need time, I know I'll be ok. I hope I'm pregnant by her due date in August but if I'm not her having a baby doesn't really change the fact that I lost mine. Ill still be upset on my due date, ill still mourn the baby ill never have. If she wasn't pregnant I wouldn't be any less heart broken. I just think people who haven't experienced this don't understand. That's why I'm comforted by this area of the forum, you guys totally understand how I feel. We can support each other

Ps, ramble away, I need buddies to help me through and want to support you too. Xxxx

 

[klsltsp]

Mrs W sounds like a d&c is right for you, if, god forbid, this happens again I too will have a d&c. Although I didn't have much pain etc with the meds, I ended up with some tissue left behind, and a huge ordeal, so my mmc that happened Oct 4, just ended today! I just finally got my levels to less than 5!! I truly feel if I'd done the d&c at the start that none of this would have happened. I ended up hospitalized at the beginning of November for 5 days, and they put me on the maternity ward with all of the women who just had babies... talk about cruel...

Anyways big hugs and have that glass of wine, I did It's nice that you have someone to look after dd, so that your husband can be with you.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Kim

 

[Mrs W 11]

Gosh, that's what I'm worried about Kim. Thank you for your advice. I will see what the dr says tomorrow but will likely opt for d&c I think. Unless they admit me for meds managed and keep me in. How awful to be in with the new mums, very insensitive. My scan this morning was with the pregnant ladies and they all stared at me sobbing like a wreck. I know they probably felt for me but I was so emabaresed.

Anyway I'm glad you have some closure now. Are you going to ttc again now or have a break? Xx

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Huge hugs angel. Honestly Hun, before today miscarriage was something sad that happened to other people not me. I didn't have a clue how devastating it was and I guess your friend thinks you would be hurt by her pregnancy. My best friend is the same and in her text said she knew it would be so hard for me to see her bump and her baby. But although I might be sad, and I might need time, I know I'll be ok. I hope I'm pregnant by her due date in August but if I'm not her having a baby doesn't really change the fact that I lost mine. Ill still be upset on my due date, ill still mourn the baby ill never have. If she wasn't pregnant I wouldn't be any less heart broken. I just think people who haven't experienced this don't understand. That's why I'm comforted by this area of the forum, you guys totally understand how I feel. We can support each other

Ps, ramble away, I need buddies to help me through and want to support you too. Xxxx

I was happy for her even though I had my loss and even offered to arrange a babyshower for her. I tried everything to act normal around her and to not let my loss upset her, but for some reason she still felt she had to have distance. We talked about it last year and all she said to me it was a rough year for her etc, but she acknowledged that she didn't treat me the way a good friend would do. Now that it is happening a second time I wonder about how good a friend she really is, because she came to me for comfort when she had hard times and everytime I needed her support she dissapeared. She is very judgmental about being a sahm and breastfeeding and put a lot of pressure on me when I wanted to go back to work last year and because I FF my reflux DD. When I mentioned this time around that I am considering expressing she made me feel like I am making such a bad decision for the baby. Sorry for rambling, but think I have more time to work things through now that the festive season has passed.

 

[Buttercup84]

I'm so very sorry to read this Mrs W, I know me and the other conkers were hoping and praying for a good outcome from the scan but we're all here to support you when you feel ready to post in the thread again (I understand if you don't want to see loads of tickers, pregnancy talk etc yet) Massive and I hope this is all over for you quickly and with as little trauma as possible.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Gosh, that's what I'm worried about Kim. Thank you for your advice. I will see what the dr says tomorrow but will likely opt for d&c I think. Unless they admit me for meds managed and keep me in. How awful to be in with the new mums, very insensitive. My scan this morning was with the pregnant ladies and they all stared at me sobbing like a wreck. I know they probably felt for me but I was so emabaresed.

Anyway I'm glad you have some closure now. Are you going to ttc again now or have a break? Xx

When I walked out of the doctors office I walked straight to the car and DH sorted the paper work because I didn't want to upset the pregnant ladies. When I was admitted in hospital I could hear the newborn babies cry and it was very upsetting to me and I feel women with surgeries or losses should be in a different ward. when I was discharged I saw a new mommy with her baby girl walking towards me in the passage and I forced myself to look at the baby and telling the mommy how beautiful she is. It sort of helped me to not be bitter and jealous towards this lady.

 

[Mrs W 11]

Thank you buttercup, that it so kind of you to come and find me. I really appreciate it. And I'll be back I promise! You ladies are wonderful and I want to keep in touch. Xx

Angel, wow she doesn't sound like the kind of friend you really need. You were amazing by putting your feelings aside to be there for her and she should have repaid the favour. I'm so sorry she has treated you like this. How you feed your baby is none of anyone else's business, you need to choose the best oath for you and your babies. She has no right to judge your choices. I bf, but I too went back to work. We are all different. There is no 'right' way, only the right way for you xx

 

[klsltsp]

My case was very unusual, turns out the baby had implanted on my c-section scar, so when I miscarried, some tissue remained stuck so to speak in the scar, I'm not sure if the d&c would have been able to get it out either... hard to know, but I think so. They actually called mine an ectopic pregnancy on the c-section scar, very very rare.

But yes we are definately going to ttc again, I need lots of tests though to make sure my uterus can handle another pregnancy, but my doc is optimistic. I am almost 38 so we don't want to wait. So if I get the all clear next week we are going to start.

I pray your journey is much shorter than mine, which I'm sure it will be.

I have a friend who has a little one, a few months old and I have held her a few times, and it has reminded me why us women go through all that we do. I have my 2 DS and if I can't have more than I will be happy, but still would like to try once more for a girl I never would have thought this was all so hard, but we're stronger than we get credit for sometimes

Big hugs.

Kim