Missed miscarriage

[Orange lady]

This is my first day on here.... but i am hoping it'll give me some comfort!
I found out that I was pregnant on the 5th of November. My husband and I hadn't been trying very long, but were thrilled. This is my first pregnancy, and ironically the first time I have even tried to get pregnant, I'm 33.
We paid for a private dating scan on the 10th of Dec as we hadn't told any family and wanted a bit of assurance that all was well before we told them all at Xmas. Well they found my baby, but it had no heartbeat. They told me to go to A&E immediately. I did. Had aother scan a 3 days later and they said the same. My baby had died at 8 weeks.
It didn't look at all like my body was about to miscarry the baby anytime soon as I still felt pregnant, so I went in for an ERPC. That went ok, no complications. So now I am at home, back to work, trying to return to normal. My god how hard is it though? I'm so tearful, and feel so lonely. We are keen to try again soon, but the hospital advise to wait until your next period for dating purposes. I also fel like the sensible thing would be to wait til then too. What makes it worse is that my best friend is 9 weeks pregnant and all excited about having her scan.
Am I being stupid to worry that this might happen again? And when does it get easier?

 

[buffycat]

orangelady....

i am so sorry for your loss....this is a really sad time for you and your hubby, and i wish i could offer some healing words, but i don't think that there are any..... my friend was pregnant at the same time as my first miscarriage too (though she didn't know i was pregnant)...i see her little girl now, and think 'this should have been us'

i've had two mcs now.....my first was in March at 10 weeks, and my second was on Dec 10th at 8 weeks......the latest was twins though and i really thought that it was our turn.......

i did worry that it would happen again after the first, and to be honest, once you have had a mc, i think you will always worry.......you need to take some time for you and hubby to heal though....

please take care, and try to have a break over Christmas.......i know that this is still all too painful for you though.......if you want to talk, i'm here....just PM (private mesage) me......

take care.....

 

[Sambatiki]

Im so sorry for your loss

Yes it does get easier, but it does take time.

Thinking of you and your hubby at this sad time.

 

[Smiler]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a missed mc in March this year. I was in for my scan and the baby had died some weeks before. My body didn't recognise this and i still clearly had all the symptons.

All i can say is use the support of your family, this will get easier but you will never forget. I was scared it would happen again to me, and to be honest, I am now 20 weeks pregnant but still terrified it will happen to the point that I have not really let myself 'feel' pregnant. It will happen for you. Take care x

 

[ellie]

i'm so sorry for you ... it does get easier with time, take care of yourself (after a year i finally realise it's made me totally determined to try again and trust that we'll have our baby eventually ... you will too)

i have to say i wish i had found this forum at the time, i think it would have really helped - use whatever support you need to and don't feel pressured into anything ... you have to deal with it in the way that works for you ...

 

[leeanne]

I am sorry about your loss.

 

[becky77]

so sorry for your loss.
it is an awful ting to go through i had a missed m/c in oct all i can say is grieve in your own way as there is no other and that each day does get a little easier ,but you will never forget your lo. some days will be worse than others i found out my niece was pg just after and it was awful, as i felt happy for her but desperatley sad that it was not me.

Try again whenever you and oh are ready, some people decide to try again straight away , some wait a few months, i am going to start trying again in the new year.

take care look after yourself

xx

 

[honey08]

hiya hun this happpened to me aswell, with my first aswell, i was fine, had bad ms, all the other sympoms, then at 11wk started spottin,which was brown so i thought it was ok .... went for scan next day and the sac was 11wk,but the baby had died at 5/6wk,they belived the baby never had an HB maybe i was so mixed up and confused i cudnt understand it,,still dont. now im 10wk5day and had a scan at 8wk1day,which was fantastic, HB and everything but yeh im always worrying ,everyday im thinking " i hope this LO is still growing and is ok" ive bought a doppler as u can hear the HB from 12wk,but lots hear it earlier,so im hoping this will gimme me reassurence tillmy next scan

im wishing u all the very best,and understand this is something that happens so much,and theres just no explantation why ! i think we always want to know why,but theres no answer to this,this is why it is harder

 

[Lyns]

So sorry for you loss....I've just been through exactly the same, pretty much at exactly the same time as ypou. I was 10 weeks and had my scan and bad news on the 8th Dec. followed by ERPC.

The girls here are wonderful support. I feel so sad but incredibly privileged to have found a group of such strong beautiful women. I've learnt so much....and not just about babies and losses. I hope you find the strength of support I have. Please feel free to drop me a line if you wanted to talk to someone in the 'same boat' as you xx

 

[Rumpskin]

So sorry to hear your news Orange.

I have had 2 miscarriages this year. The first one happened at just over 9 weeks and was a 'complete' miscarriage. The second was like yours, a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. I had the d&c a few days after this confirmation from my dating scan.

The only advice i can give you is to gain strength from your family and friends. My OH and my parents and sister have been rocks to me. I dont know what I would of done without them.

The ladies on this forum were brilliant too.

I wish you both a peaceful Christmas xxx

 

[susan_1981]

I've just found out I've had a MMC today as well. Thought I was 12 weeks but baby hadn't developed beyond around 7 weeks. Great xmas present that was. I'm trying to find out when we can start trying again as I'm obviously eager to try again. My midwife said to wait for my next period before starting again (I still haven't had this one removed yet, need to sort that tomorrow). But I spoke to my sister in law and found out she had been through the same thing. Had no symptoms of a miscarriage (she already has 2 kids) but she fell pregnant again pretty quickly and my nephew is now 5 (6 tomorrow). It's an awful feeling. I'm just wishing time away now so I can get on with this. I'm trying to get a lot of comfort through the support I have from my husband, friends and family. At the moment, I just feel so lucky to have a husband like mine and I just have to keep telling myself that before we were TTC, we were completely happy. Now I feel as though there is a huge cloud above me. I hope you go on to have a happy and healthy pregnancy next time xxx

 

[Fluxuspoem]

Hi, I also had a missed miscarriage this month and had a D&C two weeks ago. I was 9 weeks but the baby stopped growing around week 6. I too feel exactly the same way, scared and upset. I did seek a lot of private medical advise, and it seems that early miscarriage is very common 1 in 5 women have one and unfortunatelly most of the times they cannot exactly pinpoint why this has happened. Most of the times it has to do with a chromosome abnormality than anything else.
I am terrified that this will happen again when we decide to give it another go. My sleep since the bad news has been severly deprived and I do have bad dreams. I clearly am still mourning but I am trying to see the whole thing with new eyes, trying to find positive moments in my life.
I suppose the feeling of loss will stay but it will become easier. I want to believe that eventually this will help me become a strong and brilliant mum in the future. Its the most difficult thing I ever faced in my life.
I am now thinking of sponsoring a child in memory of my lost baby. I want something really good to happen and the only way to remember him/ her in the most positive way is to try and benefit another baby as much as I can.
I do hope you find strength, courage hope and receive as much love as possible from your family.
If you do want to talk about it more, please feel free to contact me
Take care
Warm hugs

Alex

 

[Waiting Mommy]

Honey, the exact same thing happened to me. You were smart by not telling everyone. My fiance and I were trying to have a baby for months, got pregnant and eagerly told all our friends and family. I went in for a midwife appointment at 12 weeks and we couldn't find the heartbeat. I was assured everything was fine, but thought it was a good idea to have an ultrasound anyways, to make darn sure.

I went into my ultrasound appointment and could tell right away that something was wrong. The tech called the radiologist in to comfirm my worst fear: the baby had died at about 7 weeks, and here I thought I was almost three months. It was heartbreaking. I thought there was something wrong with me, and woudn't ever be able to have a baby. I put off seeing friends with babies, cried all the time, was severly depressed, it was terrible.

My fiance and I tried to get pregnant again and it took a year!! A bloody year!! But now I'm eighteen weeks along with a little girl. Honey, it's hard, but it's not the end. 20% of all pregnancys don't work out. It's nature doing it's thing. Don't give up on yourself. You will be an amazing mother some day. Hold your head up high, remember there are a lot of women out there that have gone through similar experiences as you, and now have great kids.

I believe in you. I wish you all the best.

 

[keerthy]

So sorry for ur loss honey!I know how u feel right now....
It was with my first..... baby stopped growing at 5/6 weeks.
I know how hard it is to cope up!!!!
Take care of urself honey!

 

[sam's mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss x

 

[oursarah]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You take care of yourself, and you and your husband take some time out to be together x

 

[KKSARAH]

Hi Hun, been in the same position myself 3 weeks ago, it does get easier as the days pass but you will never forget.

Please take care of yourself and if you feel you need support just drop a line on here and we try are best to help you get though this together

 

[susan_1981]

I have to say I did think something was odd when I had the scan because I couldn't see the screen from where I was sitting and I thought that was weird she hadn't turned it round for me to see because obviously I'd want to see. But then she kept doing things to enlarge the picture and was measuring the baby so I thought she would show me once she had got the picture right. I remember that as soon as she put the gel on my tummy, I crossed both fingers hoping it was all fine but obviously that didn't work.

Me and Joe didn't have any problems conceiving really, it took us 2 proper cycles and I accidentally got pregnant when I was 17 so I'm hoping it won't take us long but I suppose only time will tell x

 

[susan_1981]

Also sending you lots of

 

[Noah'smom]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss(es) here in this forum. I just registered. Today is Christmas, I'm 28. I just scanned my sonogram pics for the first time after hooking up my new and unused scanner (that I"ve had over a year). I don't want to lose my child's pics.

I unexpectedly got pregnant, was scared and frighten. I'm unwed, and I was at a loss. As time went on, I started getting excited. I was experiencing so many changes I hadn't ever been exposed to before, smells, a little uncomfort, fatigue. My brain was on full time baby mode though, whether I understood it or not. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat at the last visit I had before miscarrying, and I got to receive three sonogram pics of this little being of mine being incredibly active inside of me.

I have to say, that's when I really got excited. Getting to witness the movements of my child. I was in awe. Life really is precious, and a miracle. The daddy was getting excited and we picked out a name. Noah. (I know that it was too soon to know the sex, but we believed in all our hearts for a little boy)...and a little gal would have been just fine too.

One thing that was occuring from almost the very beginning or approximately 6th to 8th week - were cramps. Extreme discomforts that I assumed normal but still told my OBGYN office. They dismissed it not saying anything about it.

Then, into my 14th week, I cramped and discharged one afternoon at 2 p.m. (a Thursday in the first week of Sept) and I called my doctor with the support of a very good friend who witnessed it all. All throughout the night and into the very early hours the pains became greater. I called the oncall doc three times through the night and received very little help. (It's only your uterus stretching, take a bath and some tylenol)....I never took any over the counter medicine, even if it's ok'd by the doc. That's just me.

When I got up to use the restroom, there it was....a few drops of blood. I called my good friend and she took me to the hospital, where ---blood just came quickly and fierece. They rushed me in to a room and where they did an internal vaginal sonogram and I didn't know what was going on. I didn't get to see the baby (I was scared to look up and see it not moving - and they didn't offer)..they baby was still alive, slowly moving It happened so fast I didn't know what occurred, and afterwards ---I had to have a D&C. THe hopsital didn't offer me a chance to see the baby and I didn't know that I could because I was unfamiliar if the baby would still be intact. I got answers later, adn yes -- the baby was fine, and I could have seen it. I'm so sad. They didn't take pics or anything...

This is heartbreaking. I have had many nights where I wake up in tears --and to this day I grieve for a child I will not know here on Earth. I'm so heartbroken. I'm sorry for your loses as well.

Noah's mom