MMC...seriously, how does anyone recover!??!

[elohcin]

I have had a lot of losses (7 total), but only one was a true MMC. At least with my others, I could feel some sort of relief after I reached a certain point. But after the MMC, I feel like I'm forever scarred in a new way, because now, even my positive u/s (first good one in a looooong time) doesn't even relieve me much, because I know tomorrow things could change and I might not know until another u/s months down the road.

So hard.

I am trying to just trust God that all will be fine. He has brought me through so much and I know He can do it again, but it's so hard when my mind starts doing it's thing, and all the "what if's" come into play, and I question everything, and I doubt...

 

[MelM]

I fully appreciate what you are going through, luckily I was able to get weekly scans until ten weeks but every week was so nerve wracking as I waited to hear that heartbeat, even after the twelve week mark I was still a bundle of worry right up to the birth, some days were easier than others especially when she started to move more. Good luck

 

[sandrab]

I have had 3 MMC in past year and have seen all heartbeats up until week 8 then they stop!!!

Now pregnant again only 5 weeks and terrified it may all happen again x

 

[baileybubs]

It is very hard being PAL after mmc, not that it isn't anyway, but that uncertainty is terrible. I wish I had a point where I could feel ok, to think "well I'm passed the point I reached last time" but all I can think is that I don't know what's going on, my body could be holding onto the pregnancy again and I will have no idea until my scan. Whenever I share my worries I feel like I am being ridiculous and I feel like I should just be happy that I am pregnant, and I am so happy, and so lucky, I just can't let myself believe that it's real. I keep thinking my baby has already died and I can't even go to the doctor to check because there's been no pain, no bleeding, nothing to indicate anything is wrong except for my gut feeling.

 

[CupcakeBaby]

This is exactly why this time I don't want a scan until 12 weeks, I saw a HB at 7 weeks last time, and then again at 8 (but we knew it only had a day or two left then) and it still didn't mean anything was going to be OK.

Even if a scan comes back OK for me this time I'll still find something to worry aout, so I jsut want to stay away from hospitals and eat healthy and be positive and peaceful.

Basically I just want time to whizz by until I can feel baby moving.

I feel like only then will I be able to start enjoying pregnancy.

So sorry you've had to go through this. Xxxxxxx

 

[bamagurl]

I completely understand where you ladies are coming from. I got pregnant this past February heard the heartbeat then went in for my 12 weeks appointment and little baby was gone

I just found out Sunday I am pregnant again & I am so excited but super cautious because I feel so nervous and scared!

I am so sorry for your losses, but congrats also on your pregnancies!

 

[km12446]

Totally understand how you feel. With this pregnancy I didn't let myself get attached to our baby for a long time, something I regret now, but it was my coping mechanism. I paid for private scans every two weeks and had one on the NHS at 6 weeks, then the 12 week one. (Private ones at 8 and 10 weeks) I convinced myself every day something was wrong...I didnt get up to wee last night, it must be over...my boobs aren't sore...it must be over! I was like this until the 20 week scan, I nearly didnt go to the 20 week appt because I was so convinced they would just say it was gone. Now, I worry about preterm labour, still birth etc. I'm not sure if I'm just an anxious person or if this is because of my MMC but all I would say is try and find someone you can talk to . I didnt want to talk to OH because I didnt want to worry him but I had a very good friend who understood and reassured me. Be positive, let yourself hope and trust in your faith. I wish you all the best xxx

 

[Meaggers]

First off I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I lost my little one to a mmc around Thanksgiving of last year. I understand how you feel about the worry. I've worried my entire pregnancy. I thought 12 weeks I'd feel better, then I thought well maybe once I can feel the baby I'll feel better, but now I worry about still birth. Don't get me wrong I'm very excited, but my heart feels guarded. The only advice I can give are the things that got me thru it. I was able to get weekly scans until 12 weeks, I was given progesterone just in case, and I purchased a doppler. It ws the best peace of mind purchase i've ever made. I was able to pick up a heartbeat around 9 weeks. Even at 35 weeks I still use it somedays just to hear it.

 

[elohcin]

Thanks everyone.

I do have a doppler (for my unassisted homebirths in the past) so I am looking forward to using that hopefully in another week or so (when I've been able to pick up HB's in the past).

 

[baileybubs]

Just out of interest ladies, what dopplers do you have? I am worried that I will buy one that doesnt work very well and I will freak myself out if I cant find a heartbeat when it could just be a bad doppler!! Does that make sense lol!!

And I am sorry for all of your losses ladies, no-one should ever have to go through mc xxxxxxxx

 

[bamagurl]

I do not have a doppler yet, but have been thinking of getting one further out when I could actually hear the heartbeat, but am terrified I will spend the money just to freak myself out if I can't find it!

 

[baileybubs]

Me too bamagurl! I dont want to worry myself more than I already do! But would love to be able to hear baby's heartbeat more often than just at scans and appointments coz they arent very often in the UK if theres no issues with the pregnancy.

 

[yoyojojo]

happy thoughts

 

[CupcakeBaby]

I'm currently debating about a Doppler.

When I get back off holiday I'll be 9+6 so I could maybe order one then. But I might wait until the 12 week scan.

Or maybe not bother as I will probably cause myself panic.

 

[Meaggers]

I purchase the Sonaline B for about $50 on e-bay brand new. It came with the gel as well. I couldn't have made it this far without it and the peace of mind it gave me.

 

[cozmos]

iv had one mmc only and im still petrified, its so true that you dont trust your own body, i didnt even know they existed until it happened to us!!
we get a scan in 2 weeks ill be about 7 weeks by then so will try and keep busy and stay positive until then, im sure we will all be fine and dandy!!
stay positive lovely ladies xxx