Mom wants me to send LO across country to stay w/her for 1/2 yr. I said no.Thoughts?

[greenpear]

Hi All,

Just curious about what you think of this situation. LO will be 2 when this baby is born and my mom is trying to encourage me to send her away to be with her (and my dad and my grandparents) for at least half a year as mom says it will be really hard for me with a newborn and toddler. Now, my family all lives across Canada 5.5 hr flight away, so it's not like I can pack up and visit anytime I feel like it. Moreover, I will never ever give my child away as that's not why I gave birth to her. So that's what I told mom. She said that plenty of Ukrainians give their kids to family relatives for months/yrs at a time as they have to work, survive and that my own mom gave me to grandparents for almost a year when I was 3. Well I remember that time and it was very scary as I thought I would never see my parents again. I really missed them and would never want LO to feel like that. I know that my mom did it because situation where they lived was pretty critical and there was not enough food to feed me so I don't have hard feelings about it but it was scary as a child as I didn't know these things. Our situation is miles away as me and my husband are in a good place and in Canada where there is always food haha!

So I said to mom "no way!" She thinks I'll come around. I know I won't as that's not an option. I can't give my child away no matter how hard it will be.

What are your thoughts on this? Does mom have a point or is this as crazy as I think it is?

 

[LoveMyBaby786]

Personally, crazy as hell! No way would I send my child abroad to 'live' for a half a year, especially since you are in a good financial situation and have no problems

 

[wannanewbaby]

Sounds crazy to me!! Im sure she just wants to help you but 1/2 a year way to long!! Why doesnt she come to you for a few weeks if she wants to help.

 

[greenpear]

She says she's busy with work. I can't expect any help from MIL either as she will be working a lot too...and she's not the helping type

I'm not expecting anyone's help but my husbands. We are all in Canada but I'm on west coast and she's on east coast which is 5.5 hrs of flying away as Canada is so huge! Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinks mom is crazy to suggest this

PS. Hubby thinks she's off her rocker as well

 

[Bex84]

totally crazy, I would never have my parents look after my child for half a year gosh my lo hasn't even been away from us for a night

 

[wannanewbaby]

Well if she is busy working how will she watch lo for 1/2 year sounding more crazy by the min!!

 

[pandi77]

You explained it beautifully that you didn't care for it and know you aren't in a position to have to make such a tough choice. You may want to throw in that routines are a scientifically proven key developmental factor in young children and moving them around is not ideal. I agree with a previous poster that if she truly is concerned and wants to help she can come to you and that's what most of modern society does when new babies are on the way

 

[tddunn]

You are in a completely different place and time as your parents were. I think that while she may have had the best of intentions in her suggestion I would not ever agree to that. A lot of women have multiple children and raise them at once without a problem.

 

[leahtaba]

Unless I was in a position were I literally could not provide food and a roof over my childs head I would NEVER consider this. I dont think its very fair on LO either as 2 is still too young to fully understand whats happening. Its crazy! LO would come home probably not even remembering anything and suddenly having a six month old sibling! Very confusing. Im sure your mum meant well and u derstand different cultures have different views but id be totally lost being apart from my baby from so long

 

[2have4kids]

Wow, so I guess she didn't consider that it would rob the siblings of valuable bonding time, not to mention that short period you have to experience with your eldest toddler. If she needs justification for your reasons I'd ask her to consult with a child psychologist. Maybe she can come visit when you're ready to have guests.

 

[greenpear]

Well if she is busy working how will she watch lo for 1/2 year sounding more crazy by the min!!

She's hoping my 75 yr old grandma will watch LO. Grandma is fantastic and can be a wonderful caretaker and mentor (she's visiting briefly now here and sometimes babysits in the evening if me and hubby want to have a night out) but she's not mobile enough to go to playgrounds and run around as what 2 yr olds generally do. Haha my eyes bugged out when she proposed that. And I was even more shocked that after I said no I thought she would drop the matter but she re-visited it again. I can only forsee her trying to force it on me when my due date approaches

 

[Roxie]

loos like your going to have to be firm wit your mum or she is going to keep bringing it up

 

[Scout]

Oh my goodness, there is NO way I'd even give that kind of request a second thought! (unless I couldn't provide food/shelter for my child) I wouldn't even want it brought up again. Good luck

 

[dan-o]

Bonkers!

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

NO

 

[michelle535]

Craziest thing ive heard in a long time! Besides it is highly likely that if you sent your LO away you would develop post natal depression due to missing your LO so much.

Lots of people have a toddler (or toddlers) and a newborn at home at the same time and survive to tell the tale and I'm sure you'll be great!

 

[greenpear]

Thanks all. I totally agree. having a toddler is not the end of the world and I wouldn't part with her for anything unless her life was in actual danger which of course it isn't.

thanks for the input!

 

[tddunn]

You are in a completely different place and time as your parents were. I think that while she may have had the best of intentions in her suggestion I would not ever agree to that. A lot of women have multiple children and raise them at once without a problem.

 

[RaspberryK]

Nutty, complete fruit and cake, absolute bananas!

No way not ever.
Fil keeps saying I can send lo on a plane on his own once he's about 6 to them in Spain for the summer holidays.
Er no, maybe when he's 14 though.
Xx

 

[linz143]

I would never have someone care for my toddler for more than a week, and even that seems like a long time. MIL watched DD for two nights, three days while DH and I went on a mini vacation when she was 11 months old and that was plenty of time!! I can't even imagine 6 months. You would get back a completely different child than the one you dropped off. They change so much in just a few months at this age.

Not to mention how that would make the older child feel? Mommy and Daddy had another baby so they sent me away. Then they come home and there is this kid moved in playing with their things and getting love and affection from Mommy and Daddy... so I can see that as a GREAT way to establish a life long hatred and sibling rivalry.

No, no, no. Not ever. There is not ONE good reason for it in your current situation. I'd rather be run ragged, stressed out, crying daily, with no sleep and both of my kids in my arms than happy and missing a part of my soul on the other side of the country.