MOTHER IN LAW ROUND 2

[FinallyBFP]

Ok so I made a post during my second trimester saying I wanted the whole moment of me going into the hospital/lAbour etc I want the experience to just me be and my OH.

I’ve suffered 3 miscarriages and spent 7 years TTC. I waited till 6 months to let anyone know I was pregnant and that was only my MIL, mum, dad, FIL, BIL and nan. I’m 26 weeks now and still I have my MIL moaning that I waited so long to tell her. I have her say it to complete strangers when we’re out shopping and people look at me like I’m mad. I’m not exactly comfortable telling people it’s because I wanted to be on the safe side because she then says well 6 months is well into the safe zone!!! And laughs...it really gets my back up. Other than this I tried to explain to her I only wanted it to be me and my partner at the hospital and she said like shit I’m not being there you must be joking! Her face dropped yesterday when she talked about fitting my isofix into her car the day I go into lAbour but I said I’m leaving it in my car and my mum will be driving my car to and from the hospital. I feel like after the hospital I won’t be able to get rid of her. I’m going to be exhausted and want time to just bond with me my OH and the baby but I know she will make her way straight to mine after the hospital. I feel like I’m drowning already and none of this has even happened yet. I don’t know what to do I’m getting really stressed. Other than this she has spent the past 11 years sticking her two cents in where it’s not wanted like oh your hair is falling out again it looks really bad or why is your skin breaking out again or why have you gained so much weight. I am DREADING her saying anything about my parenting skills and it’s reallt starting to ruin the bond I have with her. My mum was shocked the other day when my MIL said I looked Ridiculous in a skirt I put on....

 

[Hoping4numbr3]

Sorry that you are having to deal with the harsh comments people do not always think before they speak and that was rude of her to say you looked ridiculous in the skirt! As for the rest it is natural for her to be excited about the baby as well and want to be a part of it all. She is the grandma. Good luck dealing with that. It can be overwhelming but you will figure it out. Virtual HUGS!

 

[autumnal]

Would your OH talk to her and tell her to tone it down and stop with the snarky comments? I think he should handle it as it's his mother.

 

[crazy4baby09]

I am sorry you are dealing with that. You need to ask your DH to talk to her. I have an overbearing mil as well she literally made life he'll after my son was born. After my daughter was born my husband made the decision to not see her anymore. Although I agree that its normal for grandparents to get excited about getting new grandchildren, some grandparents do not understand the concept of stepping back. In our case we tried for over 2 years after my son was born (also had many talks before he was born) reminding about boundaries and what what important to us as we raise our child. Unfortunately there are times when family believe they shouldn't be excluded from anything just because they are family then the attacks on you start because you don't give them what they want. My mil never stopped telling everyone she talked to how mean I was for not letting her have her way. I hope the situation goes better for you than it did for me. My best advice is to be firm and gentle at the same time while making your wishes known. Do all that you can to keep the peace without giving up your wishes for your family, its sets a bad precident for the future if you give into her now. (At least from my experience) I struggled with infertility as well for 6 yrs, I know how important that time bonding with your husband and little one are. Some people just don't understand because they haven't been through it. I was actually told by my fil that my mil had to wait longer (for her second grandchild) than I did for my first child. So my son was her happiness and that she should get to do whatever she wants that makes her happy( not caring how hurtful her actions were toward us). They wanted my son minimum 4 days a week (I am a stay at home mom) and I was told if I had a problem with that then there was something wrong with me I hope your outcome is better than mine.

 

[blueblue]

Oh dear, she sounds like a nightmare! I know she is excited but I don't think her reaction is natural. She's overstepping the mark and it sounds like she is very unreasonable. I hope you get some kind of resolution, be as tactful as you can be but maybe your husband will need to put his foot down with her? How does your husband feel about it? Does he agree she is being unreasonable? I really feel for you, some people are just a nightmare and it's very hard to understand if you have nice/supportive family around you and haven't experienced it yourself! I hope it all works out for you. I've had family issues (and so has a good friend) and we did have to distance ourselves, I hope you won't need to. Sometimes tact isn't enough.

After 3 miscarriages and 7 years of TTC, this is your time. By all means, family should be included (if they are being supportive and reasonable), but after everything you have been through, this is a time for you.

 

[HLx]

I feel so bad for you I was In this exact situation 7 years ago with my 1st, I was only 20 and my mum wanted to be at the birth, ex MIL wanted to be at the birth and tbh I was more than happy doing it with only me there, my mum was understanding, until the ex witch TURNED UP AT THE EFFING HOSPITAL and walked straight into my room against my wishes, oh if she did.... I was 8cms and I phoned my mum she raced to the hospital and basically picked the witch up and threw her out, it was so eventful ex OH didn't even say anything either, with my son, she didn't bother coming.

I know grandparents get excited but if my own mum was understanding she should have been!

Thank God that thing isn't my mail anymore.

My new MIL lives in Portugal so she wont be barging in anytime soon hahaha

 

[HLx]

Oh and keep your front door locked, your not home

 

[FinallyBFP]

Thank you ladies for all taking the time out to comment and advise me it is not exactly “nice” to know you have had similar/worse experiences but good to know I’m not alone because you almost start to feel guilty for feeling this way. As for my OH he had a big row with her a few days ago because SHE decided she was going to let people know when we got to 7 months after previously saying it’s your news I guys share it with everyone when you’re ready! My partner can be very stubborn and told her he won’t tell any of her family till the baby is born now since the argument we went and told her mum and sister yesterday and I’m hoping it will just make her calm down over all because it means she has more people to talk about it with other than us. It just annoys me how easily influenced my partner can be I don’t know what everyone else’s opinion is but they’re a medditeranian family and believe the baby shouldn’t go outside till 30-40 days after it’s born because of its immune system or whatever. I mean 2 weeks maybe but I feel like I’m going to go bat shit crazy if I have to stay at home for that long!! My partner is naturally paranoid because of everything we have been through so things like that makes him panic and he wants to do everything “right”. This was yet another suggestion from my MIL that’s been planted inside his head. I’m due June 22nd I don’t want to be dealing with the heat by sitting indoors and not letting the baby have fresh air...it’s my first so I may be wrong to want to go out so soon what do you all advise??

 

[HLx]

Oh hun I was out and about the exact same day I came home from the hospital! With my 2nd I had him on the 21st June so roughly around your due date and the sun was beaming! I went for a walk to the park with my daughter, and took my son in the pram! It doesn't hurt to give them fresh air I've never heard to stay in for 30 odd days that would drive me insane!!! Your having a summer baby even if you don't go anywhere sit in the garden with the baby, just make sure the baby is covered from UV rays and make sure baby don't get too hot, other than that enjoy it! Don't listen to them hun x

 

[HLx]

Btw fresh air is better for babys immune system than sitting in a stuffy house breathing in everyone's germs hahaha x