MOTHER IN LAW!

[FinallyBFP]

So I can honestly say besides the fact I was worried about holding onto the pregnancy in the early months I’ve not been stressed about having a baby. The ONLY anxiety I have is my mother in law. I love her but she very much sticks her two cents in whenever she sees fit and mostly in a brutal way.

Example: what’s happened to your skin again (when it breaks out) you’ve gained weight your belly is like the michlin man, your hair looks really thin you must be loosing it again, your so tall/lanky/bean pole(I’m 5.7) etc then I’ve heard from family members that she thinks I am not qualified to look after children-when I studied a degree in education and she’s never actually seen me “at work”. I’m lazy (when I do her dishes EVERY SINGLE TIME I’m at her house) I can’t cook, when she’s never tasted my food and my bf says he thinks I cook better than her (and he’s brutal he would tell me if it’s no good)

These are just small examples she does this even with her own children I’m genuinely staring to think there’s something wrong with her...so with all this in mind I have genuine anxiety about having my baby. I am dreading the un wanted advise the parenting skills/tactics I feel are outdated or not what I want to go by. I am genuinely stressed over it, she makes me want to scream at the best of times let alone when I will be tired and feeling useless finding my feet trying to raise my first child. I’ve worked in childcare especially with babies for over ten years so I’m not completely clueless like she tells people. It breaks my heart to hear how she’s spoken of me as she acts so loving and kind to my face. I want to say something from the moment I tell her I’m pregnant so I nip it in the bud early. I am 5 months next week and she still doesn’t know, my bf is supportive of me and doesn’t like the way she carries on either and says she’s been like this forever. I honestly won’t want to be around her if she says anything like this when I have my baby...what do I do?!

 

[Hoping4numbr3]

Wishing you the best of luck. MIL'S can be tough. My exes mother would say a lot of negative stuff as well but you will learn it is usually out of jealousy or just her being miserable. If you are able to have a talk with her and think she can keep her cool while doing so I would go ahead with that but try not to let her stress you out. Child education or not I am sure you will be a great mother to your child!

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I don't really have any advice, but to just remember that her native remarks are about her own insecurities so try not to let them get to you. Sorry you have to deal with such a crab!

 

[Bella1185]

-Just set firm boundaries with her and make sure your partner is on board with them.
-There’s no need to be around someone like that all the time - keep it to a short visit every now and then if you have to and don’t allow yourself to linger in her presence if she’s constantly cutting you down
-Don’t entertain her nonsense! You know these silly things she says aren’t true so dont even let them bother you! When she says something ridiculous just reply with a noncommital statement like “oh that’s interesting” and change the subject
-You can be kind and firm and have well set boundaries all at the same time! Life is too short to worry about things MIL says each moment of the day

 

[Susan]

That's rough! It sounds like your MIL is an insecure person who struggles with her own self-worth. You cannot change her, but you can change your own response to her. If she says something critical to you directly, you have the choice to be hurt/angry or you can decide to show her kindness. I simple "thank you" or "I'm sorry you feel that way" can suffice. You cannot control what she says when you're not around. In that case, I would ask the person who is delivering the message "thank you for your concern, but I would rather not know what my MIL says behind my back". You need to focus on your family unit and the coming baby. What an exciting time! Enjoy it!

 

[pinkstarbinks]

It could help to subtley distance yourself from the negativity and unhappiness that she brings to you x

 

[FinallyBFP]

Ideally I would like to keep away as much as possible as dad as it is to say but unfortunately she lives down the road! I still have to break it to her that we don’t want anyone coming to the hospital I know this will cause a big hoo ha but I don’t see what 1/2 days difference makes to being around a baby the rest of your life. It’s a moment just me and my partner want to share since no one knows our infertility journey. But like you have all said I need to focus on the baby and not her silly opinions I’m just a bit of a sensitive person (even before all the horemones!) so I take it to heart x

 

[Bella1185]

The sooner you start setting boundaries with her the better this whole experience will be .... when your baby comes it’ll be too late because she’ll try to “help” you have a sit down with your partner and try to sort out the appropriate ways you both can set limits with her and move forward from there. Good luck!

 

[sammie13s]

She actually sounds like an idiot. The type of person I avoid. This is YOUR baby. Remember that. You do things what feel natural for you. Not her. And if she stuck her two penny in when the baby is here I'd personally tell her to keep her opinions/advice to herself. As we all do things differently. In our own way. Nobody wrote a book about how to be the perfect parent. We do what feels right. I'm covered in spots ECT. I'm on tons of meds because I'm extremely high risk. I take daily steroids ECT. At the start of the pregnancy I was 7 and a half stone. I'm now 24 week and weigh 10 stone 5. I look horrendous. The steroids make you gain so much weight. Pregnancy changes us. All for the life that is growing inside us. My mother in law isn't very fond of me. I don't really no why. Iv never done anything for her not to like me. And when her son told her I was carrying her first grandchild her reply was "oh dear, oh dear, oh dear"... Silly woman. I'm a 33 year old woman and I don't need that type of negativity in my life. And believe you me I will/Do speak my mind if something upsets me. Just look after yourself. Besides you is someone you can always depend on. X

 

[Marumi]

To me she sounds very rude and insulting. Could she at all be jealous of you?

I think honestly telling her how hurtful and mean these comments are may be best.

 

[pinkstarbinks]

You can do the setting boundaries just need a bit more confidence which will come with time. I have done this with local family members who didnt see boundaries until i worked on that. Good luck. Dont let yourself feel trapped. You can chose the level of interaction you have with this person who upsets you good luck re telling her you dont want anyone coming.. decide in your mind how long you want that conversation to last. Be admant and strong headed even if you have to fake that confidence be brave tell her and then leave that conversation its not your job to deal with the emotional baggage of the catty response you feel she may deliver. Think about alternative lower risk ways you could tell her. Could you do it via another method. Could son actually tell her when you arent there face to face or in a phone call when you are having a relaxing bath or elsewhere x

 

[Rovemongoose]

My mother is the same. I’m doing this by myself and she pretty much told me the last time that she worries for the overall welfare of the baby. I burst into tears, I was so hurt and offended. My mother is a very insecure and anxious woman. I’m not like her at all and I think this threatens her.