Mother who doesn't agree with assisted conception...

[glitternglue]

Hi there,
I'm new to this forum and I have no idea whether this is the right place to post this sort of subject, but I'm in a situation which is really difficult for my friends to understand.
Basically I'm a lesbian woman, I came out when I met my partner just over a year ago, having had heterosexual relationships with men prior to this, but deep down always knowing that I wasn't fulfilled by these relationships like I am now I'm with a woman. My Mum took the news really hard and still can't accept that I am a lesbian woman - she finds the idea completely abhorrent and I have no idea why - even my grandparents (her parents) are more accepting and they are from a different generation, and my dad and brother just accepted it.

My issue is that myself and my partner want to start trying to conceive ideally September/October time so we have begun looking into it. I realise that we haven't been together as long as some couples, but my partner is 28 and due to some family history etc of early menopause she's worried time is running out - and I want to support her, we want to do it together. However I know my Mum will go mad - she is even more against the idea of children growing up without a father and doesn't think I should have children "if this is the life I've chosen for myself."

I want her support as she would make a brilliant Grandmother and has always longed to be a Grandmother, but I have no idea how to broach the subject with her, let alone begin trying to involve her? My partner's Mum is incredibly supportive and can't wait - I just don't want to not tell my Mum and have her feel pushed out, I at least want to make her aware of it even if she rejects it. Anyone have any ideas on how to discuss the issue? Or calm her down if she becomes upset by the idea?

Thanks,
xxx

 

[FFandJZ]

Hi there!

I have pretty much nothing helpful to contribute, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Your mum sounds like my MIL! My wife came out when she was 17, When we got married in 2013 (14 yrs later!), her mum still couldn't deal with it all.

We're starting the TTC journey this month (known donor) and we've made the decision not to tell the MIL until we're beyond 12 wks. Figure by the then she's got 28 weeks to get herself together, or she's going to have very little to do with her grandchild. Seems harsh, and it is, but she's been pretty feral to my wife at times and we've both been clear (with each other) that we don't want that kind of negativity to be a constant in our lives.

Really hope you figure something out and that it (and the rest of your TTC journey) goes well!