Moving onto adoption after LTTTC

[fluffosaur]

i new the rate for people getting babies was low but i never even thought about "problem" babies bless them

The majority of babies received into the service now are because of pre-birth care plans and legal proceedings. We remove babies because the birth parents have had other children taken into care and we are trying to prevent history from repeating itself. It'll be in cases where they've had 3 or 4 children that we can justify this. Or if there is a history of severe drug abuse and the parents are not willing to receive treatment.

It's very, very sad.

Healthy, relinquished (given up) babies basically never happen. Due to the 1969 Abortion Act women obviously have the choice to abort, contraceptive methods are better and there are improved societal factors which can help to keep babies with their parents now.

So what happens if people have adopted and then get pregnant a year or 2 after adopting.. since i would guess in alot of cases after a while people who beleive they are infertile would not want to be on birth controll since there would seem to be no need for it?i would of thought alot would still want to keep there adopted child

We can't remove a child once they have been adopted, unless there are other factors - such as abuse or neglect. Once the adoption order is granted it is as if the child has been born to you. They are issued with a new birth certificate (which says "adopted" on it) and you are permitted to change their last name.

We discourage changing the first name because it is the only link the child has to their past. Some people do though, and we can't stop them.

 

[fluffosaur]

He is aged 48 (I am 32) and I know this will have an impact, but how much?

No impact at all. We have several couples in our service with a similar age difference.

If you get in touch with your local adoption service they will be able to send you an information pack and invite you to an information evening.

The timescale is approximately 1 year for the assessment/application process and then another year before a child is placed. 18 months to 2 years from start to placement is about the average.

We ask for a gap of 6 months minimum in between TTC and applying to adopt.

Good luck! You can PM me if you have any questions.

 

[lesleyann]

i new the rate for people getting babies was low but i never even thought about "problem" babies bless them

The majority of babies received into the service now are because of pre-birth care plans and legal proceedings. We remove babies because the birth parents have had other children taken into care and we are trying to prevent history from repeating itself. It'll be in cases where they've had 3 or 4 children that we can justify this. Or if there is a history of severe drug abuse and the parents are not willing to receive treatment.

It's very, very sad.

Healthy, relinquished (given up) babies basically never happen. Due to the 1969 Abortion Act women obviously have the choice to abort, contraceptive methods are better and there are improved societal factors which can help to keep babies with their parents now.

So what happens if people have adopted and then get pregnant a year or 2 after adopting.. since i would guess in alot of cases after a while people who beleive they are infertile would not want to be on birth controll since there would seem to be no need for it?i would of thought alot would still want to keep there adopted child

We can't remove a child once they have been adopted, unless there are other factors - such as abuse or neglect. Once the adoption order is granted it is as if the child has been born to you. They are issued with a new birth certificate (which says "adopted" on it) and you are permitted to change their last name.

We discourage changing the first name because it is the only link the child has to their past. Some people do though, and we can't stop them.

my uncles son was taking into adoption i no he was not a baby once he got his ""real" home.. has was taken when he was born but parents where allowed acess till he was almost 2.. they where allowed to right a letter to him for when he turns 18 with his birth parents names my first name and age i guess ect so if he wants to he will be able to find us..I hope he got to keep his name he was named fully in memory of my grandad is that common with birth parents who have there children taken away? sorry for all the Q's i was not told to much when it happend

 

[fluffosaur]

my uncles son was taking into adoption i no he was not a baby once he got his ""real" home.. has was taken when he was born but parents where allowed acess till he was almost 2.. they where allowed to right a letter to him for when he turns 18 with his birth parents names my first name and age i guess ect so if he wants to he will be able to find us..I hope he got to keep his name he was named fully in memory of my grandad is that common with birth parents who have there children taken away? sorry for all the Q's i was not told to much when it happend

Do you mean is it common for them to write a letter? Yes, very common. A lot of them have lives which are just too chaotic to be able to do so and so they don't tend to do this. The option is always offered to them. The letter will then be kept in the child's adoption file and they will be able to read it once they are 18. Once they are 18 they will also be allowed to trace their birth relatives.

Changing of the name does happen, but we try and discourage it. We try and only permit the surname to be changed so that the child can hold onto something from their past.

Hope this helps, feel free to message me for clarification if I'm barking up the wrong tree.

~ fluffosaur

 

[Titi]

Hi-I wanted to introduce myself and subscribe to this thread-as I've been really wanting an adoption thread but didn't know there was one yet, b/c I just can't bring myself to peruse the main menu down this far!

I'm going to be 35 in the fall and my husband is 36. We have been together 10 years, married 2 and TTC #1 for 20 cycles. Before that we were not actively trying but were not using any contraceptives. Niether of us has ever been or gotten somebody pregnant. We've had a few tests done, so far I seem okay and DH has low motility.

IVF isn't an option for us. In the states it is ridiculously expensive and also it is against our religious beliefs, so it is a lot of dispair that we feel at our age we are maybe nearing the end of our road to conceive our own child sometimes.

We don't have any plans to adopt at the moment b/c although open to it, DH is still really holding out a lot of hope that it is just taking us longer and we have lots more time to conceive naturally. For me, I would be totally open to adopting our first child first, and if we get pg later, okay, but I understand that I have not been through that "grieving period" and I can understand it-I still "grieve" every month I get my period.

I also truly have NO idea what the adoption process is like in the states and am overwhelmed to get started.

I guess if I could follow along on this thread it would be really helpful. I've read from the beginning. Thank you

 

[Titi]

bump?

 

[Beckic]

Hello Titi,

It would be great to have you follow the thread hun .
AlthoughTBH - theres not much going on in it at the mo.
We are waiting till January to put in our adoption forms (which then starts the ball rolling over here in the UK) so until then I am in limbo.

I have also been following your journal recently - re the soy insoflavones - as Fluffosaur pointed out - I am still not over the idea that I am never going to be pregnant - and I still occasioanly flirt with the idea of trying new things like soy. I guess old habits die hard!!

I actually had a boob job two weeks ago in an attempt to 1. make myself feel more attractive after all the horrible IVF crappy drugs and to spice up our sex life a bit (4 year TTC is enough to put anyone off!) and 2. to kinda draw a line under the whole 'I am tryign for a baby thing' - because now I have the new boobs (which I LOVE!!!) they would be ruined if I got preggers so this was my way of saying OK this is the new me wh is going to adopt.
(of course there is also that annoying voice in my head that says - sods law says you will get pregnant now - which of course gives me hope - but I am trying to ignore that voice!! )

This time twelve months ago we were having our first two embryos transferred. Cant beleive its been a year. I really did feel so special carrying them around - even though it ended in dissapointment it was wonderful while it lasted.

Thank you for joining the thread. I am sure once everything kicks off in January I'll have loads to say and will update more regulalry.

Bx x x

 

[zero7]

Hello Hon Just realised you had this thread running over here!

We are going to the open day this Friday here in Berkshire - will update my journal with news of that.

Now I know where you are, I will keep on eye on you!!

Lou Lou xxxxxx

 

[CareBear]

Congratulations on your new boobs! x

 

[Chris77]

Titi,

I briefly worked at a law office specializing in adoption. You will first need to find a lawyer specializing in adoption. They will get the ball rolling on having you get certified. You will have to meet with a social worker for home studies, you'll have about 2 or 3 home studes before an adoption and about 1 or 2 after the adoption. You will have to disclose your finances, tax returns, whatever assets you have, what your debts are etc. Then, it's decided if you're financially stable enough to adopt. You will both have to undergo physicals with a letter from your physician stating that you are both healthy enough to care for a child.

If you choose open adoption, you set up a profile and website and you can advertise that you're looking to adopt. Alot of times, birth mothers will contact you. Most likely with open adoptions, the birth mother can chose to have letters and pictures sent to them for a specified amount of time each year, often until the child reaches the age of 18.

If you go with an agency, it will be a closed adoption and you will have no contact with the birth parents.

All in all, you're looking at about $20,000 + for an adoption per child. You also have to pay for all the birth's mother expenses including her lawyer. This is not refundable...so if she changes her mind...you're out all that money. Open adoptions are slightly less expensive than agency adoptions..probably between $12 and $15k. Agency adoptions you have to pay the agency fee, the birth mother's expenses including her lawyer, etc. and of course your own lawyer's fee.

There is a tax write off....I can't quite remember the amount now but I think it's about $12,000 if you make below $250,000 a year.

Loads of luck to you!!

 

[magicvw]

Wow - I never knew it was so expensive! It it comparable in the UK, anyone?

 

[CareBear]

Adoption in the UK is done via Social Services, it costs in terms of getting equipment etc but does not cost in terms of the assessment or the court fees as the social service departments will pay for these. Not sure if its the same if you go with a private agency such as Barnardos (I don't think so as they are a charity) but again I think the LA placing the child will pay the court fees. Hope that helps.

Chris - correct me if I'm wrong but are a lot of adoptions in the US done for people relinquishing their babies and choosing adopters when they are pregnant? In the UK the majority of adoptions are for children who have been removed from their birth families due to neglect or abuse.

 

[Chris77]

Chris - correct me if I'm wrong but are a lot of adoptions in the US done for people relinquishing their babies and choosing adopters when they are pregnant? In the UK the majority of adoptions are for children who have been removed from their birth families due to neglect or abuse.

I don't have any statistics but it does seem like alot of people want newborns so they go the route of finding birth mother's who are looking to place their child...right from birth. Often times, the adopted parents are allowed to be in the delivery room with the birth mother. People choose to adopt in different ways. DH's Aunt adopted a child from China and a child from Guatemala. Both children when adopted were over the age of 6 months. Still others, are foster parents and then adopt that way.

I THINK an overseas adoption is cheaper but then you would re-adopt the child in the states. I don't think you HAVE to re-adopt them...not sure on all the legalities of it. I just know that couples who have adopted overseas then "re-adopts" them in the US.

 

[gwensin19]

I know nobodys posted in a while but im still glad i found this thread...im still TTC #1 for the past 3 years now (this past year with specialists help) and ive already tried clomid and several iui's and had 1 round of injectables (failed and now on cd 1) and we have decided i will try 3-4 more cycles of injectables then move on to IVF, at this point im just so sick of being sad all the time for the constant 'loss' that af brings every month, id love to move onto adoption right now but i feel like even if i do adopt i will always have that want to actually be pregnant and everything is just so expensive so im not sure what to do from here. but im glad to see a thread like this and others going through the same situation..good luck to everyone

 

[Titi]

Hi gwensin19-
I'm here for you! I'm going through the exact same thing except it's only been two years and we haven't yet tried IUI but only for fear it isn't going to work and its money we could put toward either more advanced fertility treatments or adoption......which is what is scary-I don't know how we'd pay for either so, at 35 I'm doubly afraid we are NEVER going to know what it is like to have a child.

 

[gwensin19]

I totally understand, Im 24 and I still feel that way, this whole thing is scary, and its very sad to think about never having a child but we should try to remain hopeful in the meantime, i guess thats the only way to get through it. keep me posted, Jennifer

 

[zero7]

I can relate to how you are feeling as I have been through the same sadness. I think I just got to the stage where I couldn't face any more sadness and stress and that out weighed the need to be pregnant.

If you are interested, I have an adoption journal in LTTTC which I am running so that anyone interested in adoption can follow my journey.

Best of luck to you. xxxxx

 

[Titi]

oh Zero, thanks for posting...........I will be stalking your journal!!!

 

[Scarlett13]

Good luck!!!

 

[katiee]

Why not consider surrogate mother as an option , your relative sister or friend might help .. Good luck!