Mr Bum's jokes not to tell small children

[MrTashaAndBum]

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

 

[MrTashaAndBum]

The Haunted Car

This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the roadhitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so stronghecould hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in thecar and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind thewheeland the engine wasn't on!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then,just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turnedthe wheel.

John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every timethey came to a curve. John saw the lights of a pub down the road so,gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots oftequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realised he was crying and....wasn't drunk.

About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They werealso wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbingat the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce, here's the f**kingidiot that got in the car while we were pushing it."

 

[Munchkin]

LOVE IT!

 

[~KACI~]

I love Little johnny jokes!! x x

 

[sam's mum]

Brilliant!

 

[Mynxie]

 

[Elli21]

 

[wantababybump]

 

[Chris77]

 

[faith_may]

 

[MrTashaAndBum]

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

----------

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the clerk. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

 

[sam's mum]

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

lol made me smile x

 

[MrTashaAndBum]

Earlier today I was trying to use the ATM but was failing badly. I turned round and asked Tasha if she could check my balance for me.. So she pushed me over...

 

[wantababybump]

Haha I have heard the frog one before...very cute nonetheless!!

 

[bambikate]

lol x x