Mums of boys - help! Willy issues!

[shannoncarter]

OK this is probably TMI but I dont really know where else to ask this.

My son is 9 and has lately been having a LOT of erections. I was used to seeing them in the morning getting him up for school or whenever, but they seem to be happening all the time. He is very much a pants around the house boy, getting him to wear anything else is a struggle, so I cant help but see the little bulge in his pants, its hard to avoid noticing it and even his older sister (11) asked why his willy was always big and that shes sick of seeing it.

He also seems to have realized that playing with it is fun. He did is as a toddler but seemed to forget about it, and a few times I have spotted him with his hand in his pants giving it all a 'more than just checking its there' feel. I have told him its fine to do that but he needs to go to his room or somewhere private. He does that now, but he is not subtle, there will be a sudden rise in the pants department then a little scurry off and shutting of the bedroom door. It is almost comical!

There was also an issue of playing with another boy, I went to bring him and a friend some snacks and found both of them with pants arouind their knees and erections in hand. The other boy is about the most well behaved child I know so I am reasonably sure it was my little ones idea to try that out. I dont think it was the first time either.

So other Mums, is this normal? Or do I have a little one with a problem? What is your experience with your sons and erections, sexual play etc?

He just seems to be very excitable in that area, I don't like to call it sexual as he is a baby still, isn't he?

I don't have a OH to ask so I am a bit stuck.

 

[lindseymw]

My eldest is 7 and does seem to get a lot of erections. He usually sits and has his hand on it...normally he does it without thinking.

I'd say the incident with the other boy is probably more curiosity rather than anything else. I'd say sit down with him and explain it's inappropriate etc.

Does he know about sex etc? If not, it might be time to explain a few things which would follow on from why it's in appropriate to compare erections with friends....

 

[shannoncarter]

My eldest is 7 and does seem to get a lot of erections. He usually sits and has his hand on it...normally he does it without thinking.

Yeah mine stick with just this up until recently, the pat or squeeze to check its still there that all men seem to want to do! Does he go any further than that? or has he not gone there yet?

I'd say the incident with the other boy is probably more curiosity rather than anything else. I'd say sit down with him and explain it's inappropriate etc.

I did have a chat with him about personal boundaries, and I think a lot of it is curiosity but also a fair bit of just having realised it all feels nice down there.

Does he know about sex etc? If not, it might be time to explain a few things which would follow on from why it's in appropriate to compare erections with friends....

I have had a few chats with him, and he has the living with a willy book too that we had a look at together.

 

[Cjayne]

How difficult - I'm not sure what to suggest!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My son is like this constantly. I say it is perfectly fine to do as you wish with yourself but he must be in his room lol.

 

[suzib76]

You signed up to a forum to post about your son and his freind being naked with erections in their hands?

I think you are in the wrong place

 

[shannoncarter]

You signed up to a forum to post about your son and his freind being naked with erections in their hands?

I think you are in the wrong place

I have been reading the forum for ages, I signed up as I needed some advice which I thought this place was for, thanks for the judgement

 

[suzib76]

I don't think you can blame people for being cautious with things like this. I found parts of that quite disturbing to read tbh, not because I have a problem with the content, but because you are asking people to discuss something personal and intimate as a first post on a parenting forum and my natural instinct is to tread with care

 

[Sussy]

Wow what a horrible comment Suzib76! Not really sure what the point of your post was other than to make original poster feel like crap! Surely the whole point of a forum like this is to ask for advice from lots of other parents without having to announce it to all your friends and family.

Nothing she wrote disturbed me at all. I actually thought what a lovely mummy for asking for help and advice for this and not just either Ignoring it or getting cross with her son.

I have no advice as my son is four but I work in a school and I do know kids are curious and do investigate each other's bodies (no matter how uncomfortable it makes us adults)

 

[laurajo24]

For gods sake, there is no need for that kind of reaction. Take no notice - some people just like to cause drama.

It's absolutely normal, part of discovering your body. If a child doesn't know it's inappropriate, then they will carry until they are told otherwise. In the same way they will pick their noses until told it's not polite in company. As long as he is told and reminded about what's appropriate, he'll soon calm down!
There are even jokes about this kind of thing on tv, like in FRIENDS when Chandler said he used to undress his cousin.

Anyone who thinks it's sexual or disturbing should probably ask themselves why they immediately jump to this conclusion.

 

[suzib76]

I want trying to cause drama. It was a genuine concern

I also made it clear I didn't find the content disturbing, but the fact that a brand new poster was trying to engage people by talking about 2 children with their erections in their hands!

Maybe it is a genuine poster and I am wrong, but that kind of thing from a new member makes me cautious. If you met someone in the street and they started talking like that you would walk away, I'm not sure why so many people are happy to join in with a stranger who starts off by talking about personal issues. But yeah, I could be way off and if I am then I will apologise, from an established member I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

 

[minties]

I definitely would be having a firm talk to him about the mutual masturbation with the friend. That is really innapropriate no matter what gender/age and I would expect mine to know this for sure by age 9. What did the boys parents say when you told them?

I don't have any experience with 9 year old boys, but did have a younger brother. I never saw him touching himself or walking around in his undies with erections and I would have been horrified if I had. I think for the sake of his big sister he needs to wear trousers.

 

[Quartz]

I think you need to start getting some very clear boundaries in place with him. Yes it is natural and no he should not be made to feel it isnt but there is a time and a place.

First off he needs to wear proper clothes in the house - trousers at all times. At 9 he is old enough to do so and its not fair on his sister.

Then he needs to know that he should only do it in private and by himself.

What it his maturity like generally?

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I agree. My son has asd and hates clothes but HAS to wear pj bottoms downstairs at the very least.

 

[sabby52]

I have a 8 year old son and a 18 year old son and once they got over the age of 5-6 years and understood their body they never played with themselves (although it is normal for boys of all ages) and they certainly never walked around the house in underware with an erection. Both my boys like to be comfy when home and if they dont want to wear trousers then they wear shorts (my 18 year old obviously wouldnt walk around in his underware anyway lol). I have never had to deal with the boys being curious with other boys. Have you had the birds and the bees chat with him?? if not maybe it is time that you did at 9 I think they should understand boundaries, privacy and their own body.

 

[Wobbles]

I don't think you can blame people for being cautious with things like this. I found parts of that quite disturbing to read tbh, not because I have a problem with the content, but because you are asking people to discuss something personal and intimate as a first post on a parenting forum and my natural instinct is to tread with care

Your natural instinct should be to report it the moderating team either via PM or by hitting report post and sharing you concerns and letting us look into.

 

[jd83]

I think I would be requiring minimum PJ pants around the house, especially since it seems to be bothering his sister. There are other people in the house to be considerate of, and I think he is plenty old enough to understand that once you explain it to him. It's possible that him wearing so little around the house is a cause for so many instances of this, as well, because there's less covering it that would normally impede it happening so often. It's an easily stimulated organ, especially in a young boy. If its easily accessed and touched against things around the house because he has barely anything covering it, of course he's going to keep having it constantly erecting. It'll happen enough on its own, but given those circumstances, I'd say even moreso. So that's where I would start: explaining that outside fo his room, he needs to be properly clothed because there are other people around the house to be considerate of.

Secondly, as far as the instance of him and a friend touching themselves in his room, that sounds like another conversation about what's appropriate boundaries and what is not. He's 9. He may not know its wrong yet, but once explained to him, he is old enough to understand your explanation of boundaries with other people and what's inappropriate to do around others.

 

[suzib76]

I don't think you can blame people for being cautious with things like this. I found parts of that quite disturbing to read tbh, not because I have a problem with the content, but because you are asking people to discuss something personal and intimate as a first post on a parenting forum and my natural instinct is to tread with care

Your natural instinct should be to report it the moderating team either via PM or by hitting report post and sharing you concerns and letting us look into.

Thanks for pulling me up on that, and not nicely either, but I actually did

 

[SarahBear]

I want trying to cause drama. It was a genuine concern

I also made it clear I didn't find the content disturbing, but the fact that a brand new poster was trying to engage people by talking about 2 children with their erections in their hands!

Maybe it is a genuine poster and I am wrong, but that kind of thing from a new member makes me cautious. If you met someone in the street and they started talking like that you would walk away, I'm not sure why so many people are happy to join in with a stranger who starts off by talking about personal issues. But yeah, I could be way off and if I am then I will apologise, from an established member I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

But this isn't the street. It's a forum specifically designed for parents seeking advice.

 

[suzib76]

I want trying to cause drama. It was a genuine concern

I also made it clear I didn't find the content disturbing, but the fact that a brand new poster was trying to engage people by talking about 2 children with their erections in their hands!

Maybe it is a genuine poster and I am wrong, but that kind of thing from a new member makes me cautious. If you met someone in the street and they started talking like that you would walk away, I'm not sure why so many people are happy to join in with a stranger who starts off by talking about personal issues. But yeah, I could be way off and if I am then I will apologise, from an established member I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

But this isn't the street. It's a forum specifically designed for parents seeking advice.

Agreed. Which imo should make people even more cautious about what they say in response to new members, you really don't know who they are. Meeting someone in the street was a bad comparison, but if you met someone brand new at a parent and toddler group, would you not be even a little bit cautious if the first thing they said to you was about mutual masturbation in children? I certainly would, and it's much easier to make a judgement in real life than it is here. I have 2 teenagers and Internet safety is MASSIVE in our house, I am always talking to them about not believing everything you read, and just being aware that everyone isn't who they say they are, maybe it came from there. I did say I could be wrong, although I have already had an unnecessary dig about it from admin, despite saying I would happily apologise if found to be wrongly cautious.

I didn't post so I would end up having to defend and explain my reasons, I actually thought it was a legitimate point. And in the past I have reported brand new members who have posted things of a sexual nature as a first post and they have been removed. Maybe things have changed around here