MW vs doula

[Samantha675]

Id decided before getting pregnant I wanted to do everything in my power to have a sucessful HB this time around. Different midwife, doula and separate birthing classes from the ones MWs tend to offer. I found a MW I really like and since becoming pregnant she had partnered with another MW. Since the 2nd MW has been working longer I asked her for doula recommendations to which she replied "I don't have any. I prefer not to work with them but will if you feel you need one.". The more I think on this the more uncomfortable and unhappy it makes me. I don't need the added worry and stress of thinking my MW won't be happy about my doula being there.

Advice? And as easy as it is to say "oh don't worry about how she feels, it's your birth." I feel more like she isn't fully supporting what I need.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Hmm interesting....

Well we have a different set up here in the UK as you know. Doulas are independent of the system and most women will be attended by NHS MWs who will be just whoever turns up on the day.

So your scenario is rather like having an independent MW and wondering where a doula would fit in. Here in general we tend to work alongside IMWs with ease compared to with some NHS MWs who are obviously tied to protocol, policy and procedure. Our IMWs are like doulas in the respect that they can truly put you and your baby before any politics etc.

I'm not sure what the dynamic is between MWs and doulas there. Doulas are seen as 'paraprofessionals' in the US and here we are definitely not, nor do we strive to be. The autonomy we have is one of the plus points for our women.

So in terms of what to do.....I'd ask your MW if she has done any doula training. Being a doula and being a MW are two VERY different roles. Will she be with you from the very early stages of labour in the way a doula would here but a MW / IMW may not be.

In an ideal world your MW could be your doula but is she able to slip into a non medical, emotional role and back into the medical one easily and often.....

Also what do YOU expect from your doula in terms of support? MWs are generally there for mother/baby but doulas are there to care for the whole family unit. So perhaps thin about what you want from her and ask her if those things will be things she will be able to do.

 

[Samantha675]

I would compare it to the IMW/doula relationship to the UK.

My last MW claimed to be my doula as well but wasn't there for me in early labor. When she saw I wasn't dilating she headed to my guestroom to sleep. It was just DH & I and I needed support and help. I get it was night and she had a lot of births that week and was tired but I felt very abandoned. I do not want that to happen again. Hence the change in MW, I was also left feeling very betrayed by the 1st one when I transferee and ended up with a c-section.

I want the support the doula offers. I just front want to be left feeling uncomfortable knowing one MW doesn't want my doula there.

 

[moomin_troll]

no matter if ur mw wants ur doula there or not im sure she will be professional and go with what u want! my doula isnt there to tell the mws what to do, shes there to support me and to help me feel in control...so that shouldnt have any impact on the mw what so ever. my doula has said that if things arent moving and theres nothing she can do she will leave and come back only if i am ok with her to leave so thats awful ur last mw/doula went and had a nap id of told her to get her ass out of my bed.

you are only 15 weeks tho so u do have plenty of time to decide what u want to do

 

[Bournefree]

Sounds like the MW you mentioned isn't the one for you. Do you think it is because she wants the only control or input on your birth? - are there anymore you can interview? Or is just this one aspect of her that uneases you?
You don't have to tell your MW your doula is a doula, it should mean little difference to the MW than having a very experienced and trusted friend at your birth - surely she couldn't have a problem with that?! I find it a worrying sign that she does.
XXx

 

[Mervs Mum]

So you really don't want to risk a repeat of the things that you felt let down by from your previous labour. I'd say go ahead and look for your doula. If I were to have another child, I would have an IMW and a doula. The two roles are very close but distinctly different too and I wouldn't sacrifice one for the other.

 

[Samantha675]

Sounds like the MW you mentioned isn't the one for you. Do you think it is because she wants the only control or input on your birth? - are there anymore you can interview? Or is just this one aspect of her that unease’s you?
You don't have to tell your MW your doula is a doula, it should mean little difference to the MW than having a very experienced and trusted friend at your birth - surely she couldn't have a problem with that?! I find it a worrying sign that she does.
XXx

She is my MWs new partner, it's a package deal. They weren't partners when I found my MW, who is happy to do what ever I need to be happy and comfortable.

 

[Bournefree]

I'm sure in the reality of your labour and birth things will be hormonious. Sounds like that MW hasn't been at a labour with a doula' she could find it a brilliant experience.. you will be so protected and supported birth and that is what everyone wants.
Loads of time to either tell her of your plans or fon't mention it - I don't know many MWs that turn up and start asking who everyone was " and you are, and what are you doing here?" is it's not a business meeting aterall!
XxX

 

[Mervs Mum]

Unfortunately they do sometimes do that in my experience!

 

[lozzy21]

All the MW i saw asked who every one (OH and mum) was, i thought i was just polite to find out who my support network was but if they had asked what are they doing here id have told her to leave and find me a new MW.

 

[Bournefree]

Unfortunately they do sometimes do that in my experience!

That's a sad eye opener!
I guess with just me and OH it was obvious who everyone was!
Xxx