My advice if you're going thru a bad time

[TrixieLox]

Hey guys, I've been TTCing since Nov 2007 and an old skool BnB member (with the odd break or 2) and have had tests, all fine (which is frustrating in its way as difficult to know what the heck's wrong!). I really want to start a family. Really desperately.

I've been through real dark times but I've pulled myself back up from the depths of madness and I just wanted to offer some advice for those of you really struggling right now with feelings of bitterness, insanity, anger, etc etc.

Focus your mind elsewhere before it destroys you.

Hey, sounds cheesy but it's true. I started writing the novel I always wanted to write and it re-focused my mind and took me away from the whole TTC madness. I started looking at writing forums rather than BnB a zillion times a day, I started surfing literary agent blogs instead of googling symptoms. And I started writing every day instead of checking if I was OVing.

There's no happy ending - I'm not preggo yet but I am sooooooooooooooooo much happier (a top literary agent has also taken me on, hurrah!). I no longer glare at other preggo ladies, my heart doesn't sink when I find out someone's pregnant, I don't drag my hubby to the bedroom only when I'm OVing (cos hey, it hasn't helped doing that the past 18 months). In other words, TTCing had a strangehold on me for a while but now I've broken free of a silly old cow. I've learnt to be patient.

I know I'm lucky, I have a passion - writing - that was strong enough to face down my other obsession - TTCing. But if you in a bad place right now, have a think about it... x

PS. If you want to throw tomatoes and tell me I 'don't understand', go for it.

 

[tansey]

Glad you have found something to refocus you hun and congrats by being taken on the lit agent!

Personally I would love something else to focus on but currently have nothing apart from trying to sell my house which is almost as frustrating as not being able to conceive!

 

[jonnanne3]

I think that is fantastic that you are able to focus on something other than TTC. I have been TTC for now 24 months with 3 mc's. I used to come on here and spend almost all day but it became too much for me. Not that I haven't been so happy for all the women that have fell pregnant, I am very happy. It is just very depressing when I am not there too! I have now focused most of my time on our business and doing as much as I can for my family. I am trying to do more reading and projects around the house. That seems to help a little. I do still come on here throughout the day, but only really to check up on my wonderful BnB ladies.

 

[Charlie19]

thats fab trixlox !!

I think you are right havn't been on for a while concenrating on other things and do feel better for it !! no am not pregnant but then stayng on B and B and being obsessive as i was becoming would have not got me preggers either !!!

You go girl !!!

ps well done on the agent that is fantasic !!! will look out for the book by trixielox !!!

 

[Farie]

Trix :wave:

Hello honey, glad you feeling better, I'm currently trying your method ... we emigrate in 2 days .. and so far it does indeed work!


Have missed you chick .. love the Twilight avater bwt

 

[jacky24]

It does help... focusing on other things....

 

[pixielou]

Thats exactly what I have been trying to do and have been working long hours at work so havent been able to get on here. I have seriously come to a point where I think that you can over obsess on here. But hey, when you you need to have a moan, chat, get advice etc-it's a great thing!

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey gorgeous girl - yep also old skool here and it's kinda heart wrenching seeing everyone pass you buy BUT well done you for the writing (also a published passion of mine too) - you rock!

p.s. hope your brother's wedding was okay

 

[wannabmum]

I'm old skl as well bn member bnb since May 07 ttc since Nov 04 so coming up 5 years, I to find focus on other things welcome distraction tbh that why I'm not always on here I do come check on everyone just don't always post purely as last IVF/ICSI I obsessed was on here all the time and although all girls here are great and don't think I could manage without them I found this was all I focused on and I was a mess, I couldn't motivate myself to do anything else as nothing else was important to me.

xx

 

[Phexia]

Well said Trixie

Glad to hear you're writing What do you write mostly if I may ask? (I'm curious because I'm a writer too )

 

[TrixieLox]

Hey, pleased ya'll didn't mind my advice. I do pop on here and check all the BFPs and journeys and it does sometimes make me a little sad to think how sweet and hopeful I was when I started out... and how I never dreamed I'd still be without child nearly 2 years down the line. *sigh* But I don't dwell on it nowadays and it has become third in line to my writing and my fam / friends (it used to be first, cer-azzzzy!) so when and if it happens, it'll be a lovely surprise cos am at the point where I KNOW AF's coming, rather than being shocked when she does come.

Phexia, I'm an editor / journalist by trade (work f/t in HE journalism) but I write novels aimed at the teen / young adult market (this is what got me my agent). Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat about it... x

Rachel1975, bro's wedding is in June, CAN NOT WAIT!! Mauritius here I come ;-)

 

[bklove]

thats sort of sunk in for me as well. This is still a conscious effort for me, but there is so much in life to focus on and be involved with as well. I'm glad you've put your energy into something else and that its turning out well for you...and really thanks for coming back and sharing that with us. I think i'm gonna make a commitment today to cut back on being on b&b as well which I've become obssessive about, once a day, and non on the weekends for now.