My Baby Is Gone....

[CJHanson]

I found out at my ultrasound yesterday, 10+1, that baby had stopped growing at 8+1 and the heart had stopped beating. I had my D and C today around 11 am, at 10+2. Right now I'm just sad, confused, mad, frustrated and so very lost. It got delayed 4 hours... it was awful just laying in that room waiting! I'm in quite a bit of pain but there's not nearly as much blood as I had thought, which I'm thankful for. I'm still completely heartbroken. When I saw him this morning I asked my doctor (my OB for the last 7 years whom I love and adore!) if there was any way they could be wrong and he said no. Once I went in to the OR I requested that they not put me to sleep until I could talk to him again, I asked him once more if he was sure there was no possibility of a mistake, he told me he watched the video and reviewed the ultrasound and told me there was absolutely no way there was a mistake... I cried as he held my hand. I fell asleep seconds after that while I was still crying... I woke up the same way, crying and screaming begging them to give my baby back and repeating that there couldn't be anything wrong with it... even though I know that's not true... I saw the baby on the ultrasound screen, I knew. This IS my baby, no matter what happened. I am beyond broken, my soul aches and I am so incredibly sad to be leaving.

 

[spunky84]

I'm so sorry CJ

I know it's absolutely hard to get through, but try to gentle with yourself. Thinking of you

 

[Buffyx]

So so sorry.

 

[Christi85]

Really really sorry to hear that
I went through it in the summer (except I had a blighted ovum, so we never saw a baby or a hb) and I know how much it sucks. Needless to say, I've been terrified of losing this pregnancy too. All your feelings are very normal, but know that you will feel better eventually. Also, I know it doesn't hurt any less, but the fact that you already have two children should hopefully be somewhat of a consolation and a motivation for you to keep pushing through. Many of us are still trying to become moms for the first time and are suffering losses, making us wonder if we will even get there.

With regards to the D&C - some practical advice because I had a hard recovery due to my carelessness. Wish I knew better. First off, even if you think it's not needed, try to spend the first week in bed as much as possible, or at least take it VERY easy. I didn't, and the fact that the anesthesia didn't completely wear off until a day or two later made me feel really strong, so I went food shopping the next day, carried groceries etc. On the 3rd and 4th day post D&C I had the most horrible uterine cramps I've ever experienced, I swear it was like labor contractions, as they would come and go every 5 minutes and they felt like bad period pain x10. I could also feel them in my lower back and down my legs. I thought I was dying. Luckily, I was able to call the nurse who took care of me during my D&C and she urged me to get rest asap. She thought I hadn't rested enough and this is why my body was putting me through this. I took recovery too lightly. Just to be on the safe side, I would also take painkillers every day for the first week even if you're not in pain. Again, I didn't. I only did when the bad pain hit, at which point the painkillers hardly worked.
With regards to the bleeding - it's very possible you will have more blood after 3-5 days. I was like that - just spotting for 2 days post D&C and then came the real blood. It was never a lot for me - I'd say like a moderate period, but it definitely became heavier a few days after the procedure and remained like that for about 10 days (this will vary from woman to woman). Then it turned to brown spotting for another couple of weeks. So don't panic and don't be scared if you start seeing more blood in a couple days - completely normal. Other than that, lots of rest and take it easy. It sucks now but you will get through it. We're all stronger than we think we are

Very sorry for your loss. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy in the near future, if a third baby is in your family plans

 

[sbl]

Sorry for your loss x

 

[bundle4me]

So sorry for your loss

 

[anabellaw]

So sorry as posted above rest up and take good care of yourself xxx

 

[maryanne1987]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. Hugs.

 

[youngmamttc]

I am so sorry for what your going through

 

[Serenjay]

You poor thing I am so sorry you have had to suffer this. xx

 

[Khadijah-x]

I am so so sad to be reading this. How heartbreaking. My first pregnancy ended just like yours, I had never even heard of a MMC. I was devastated and didn't know how I'd ever get over it. I also kept thinking there was a mistake.

It hurt like hell and took a long time to learn to cope with it. But I did. And you will too. Allow time to heal and grieve over your little angel and know every single of one of us are here for you.

I'm very sorry for your loss ♡

 

[xxmyheartxx]

Im so sorry xx

 

[Tink_]

I'm so sorry xx

 

[Lilly02410]

So sorry for your loss xx

 

[LiteBRIGHT33]

My heart broke reading this. I hope you have a great support system in place to help you through such a difficult time. I agree with others, take time to heal physically and mentally.

 

[babifever]

So very sorry hunni

 

[Left wonderin]

Your pain is tangible its so so hard . Take each day as it comes , I promise you that in time you will feel ok again . You will NEVER forget your LO,, they are part of your story forever and in your heart forever . The bad days will get less and less and the good days will in time outnumber the bad . It takes time , give yourself that ... You have lost something very precious xxxx

 

[GetNmyBelly]

oh no ): this is heart breaking. I couldn't imagine going through this. im pregnant 4 the first time.. but even if it were my second third or fourth baby & something like this happened I would lose it. u get attatched to the baby as soon as u find out its growing inside of u. im certain u will go on 2 have another pregnancy ending with a healthy little baby n ur arms I know this is a hard time but try 2 take it easy spend time with ur little ones & don't forget how blessed u r 2 be a mom. ur gonna get through this, u will see ur angel baby again someday!

 

[TTC 84]

So sorry Hun xx

 

[cherrished]

I truly am so sorry for your loss, words can not describe, please take good care of yourself xxx