My baby's daddy left me the other day

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Shocklee16, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. Shocklee16

    Shocklee16 Mommy to Ethan

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    SORRY THIS IS SO LONG! BUT PLEASE READ AND HELP ME! :'(

    So the night it happened everything was going great. We went out with his mom and they were all drinking at the restaurant. Then we get home and I ask him about some girl he added on his myspace. We fought and now we are no more. Its such a long story...but I am so hurt. I have not been able to really eat and sleep. I packed my stuff and moved to my grandma's. He said he wanted to still be friends and that I could still live there with him and his mom. But it would just make everything more hard and worse on me. I cant do this on my own. I dont understand. He says he just wants to be alone now...why??? I have never done anything to him. He says I treat him like shit and I only care about myself. He just lost his job the other day and everything from there has gone down hill. I dont even want to live anymore. I have been looking for jobs like crazy too support all of us, even though he doesnt wanna be with me. But idk what to do. I cry all the time and everyone tells me it can only get better. But I need him in my life. He says he will be there to care for me and little ethan but idk...why does this have to happen to me??? Im so sad and heartbroken. He is the only guy I have ever really loved. he is my firsy true love. What do I do?? Im trying to give him space but it is just so hard. Im so lost without him here with me. I just want to die. If I was not carrying our child I would have been dead already....this is by far the worst thing that has happened too me. He still wants to go to my doctors appt's but after all this idk if I even want him too, or for that matter idk if I even want him in the delivery room when I have our baby...I am honestly lost and clueless...I miss him so bad and he acts like nothing has really happened...he dosnt show any emotion or acts like it bothers him. I asked him if he is still in love with me and he just said that he does love me but not in love with me...but see im so confused. Because like I said everything that night was going great. What could have changed in a few minutes? Or a few hours?? Please help me! I really need some guidance and some help too get through this....this is not healthy for me or my baby. I cant stop crying. I hurt sooo bad and im so broken right now. I did everything too make him happy...I hope he has a change of heart when or before our child gets here. He is just being a 19 year immature douche bag...but I still love him despite how badly he has hurt me. :(
     
  2. catfromaus

    catfromaus Mum to angel Aiden Lynne

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    didn't want to read and run hun, hope everything starts to look up for you and that this is just temporary. Try to find someone to talk to about things, don't let them get bottled up. Its not good for you- or LO.

    Cat
    xxx
     
  3. bek74

    bek74 Mum of 5

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    I'm sorry that this is all happening, but please don't use bubs to get back at him. Allow him to attend scans, appointments and be there when HIS and YOUR baby is born, all these milstones and steps in beans life can't be given back once you deny him them.
    I am sorry to say it like this but he has left you, not the baby. Maybe in time and during the rest of your pregnancy things may change, you guys may work things out. Maybe him losing his job, a baby on the way, maybe he is overwhelmed and stressed out, men sometimes (most times) have troubling dealing with challanging situations.

    As to wishing you were dead, thats terrible, nobody is worth taking your life over and you need to keep in mind all the things you have to be thankful for.
    Having lost two family members to suicide, it isn't a nice statement to make.

    I hope everything works out for you
     
  4. better2gether

    better2gether Ladybug's Mommy!

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    It sounds like all the stress he was under just made him snap. Perhaps you asking about some girl on myspace was the last straw for him. Believe me, I know about myspace. My boyfriend and I had a good week or so were that was ALL we fought about. We fought because it was barely dressed girls and I thought it was disrespectful towards me. He didn't see it that way. At the end of the day, I KNEW he would never mess around on me. At that time, pregnancy was really miserable for me and I was taking it out on him. I still don't think what he did was right... But looking back (and having the hormones settle a wee bit), I see that I have to pick my battles. And fighting over myspace is not something I'm proud of. Seems so petty.

    At the same time, your boyfriend said that he isn't in love with you anymore. You shouldn't want someone who doesn't want you. Hun, you are MUCH better than that. You deserve MUCH better. I know it hurts now, but you should let things be. If you two were meant to be together, then let him come back to you. If he never does, he was never fully in it to begin with. You don't want to keep pushing and pushing him. That will only cause more resentment and anger. Just focus on you and the baby. Relax, rest, pamper yourself! I'm sorry you're going through this. :hugs:
     
  5. jackie.d

    jackie.d Mum to 3 boys + 1 girl ♥

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    im so sorry that you are going through this. i remember when my first love came back from iraq (army) and he broke it off with me.. said the same things. i thoiught i was going to die aswell and was the first time i felt pain like that. but im still here and if that hadnt have happened i wouldnt have everything i hvae now. i know its going to be so hard for you hun and i can imagine the pain you are feeling. but you will get through this and if you dont get back together with him you will have a beautiful little baby their to give all your love too and who will love you so much more in return. :hugs: i know this wont help but you will be ok hunni, just focus everything on your beautiful little baby. :hugs: xx loads of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs: xxxx
     
  6. marie-louise

    marie-louise Well-Known Member

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    aww hun, I know you must be heartbroken but please try and focus on the fact that you are carrying something so precious and you need to be in good health for ethan's best interests. It is very rare for people to remain with their first loves all their lives, I remember when my ex and I broke up when I was 19 I was devastated and I thought I would never be able to feel normal again. It took a few months but slowly I healed and now I am married and so so happy with my hubby, I look at my ex now and thank god we broke up. I understand that it is more complicated in your case as you are pregnant but there is no point in torturing yourself by staying with someone who doesn't want to be with you, it will wear you down and you will become more and more insecure which isn't good for you or ethan. I would recommend that you go to the docs to talk about the low feelings you are having, surround yourself with family and friends who love you and look to the future as a yummy mummy!!! Good luck hun and look after yourself xx
     
  7. Zen_Jenn

    Zen_Jenn Mother

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    I don't have much to add, I think Marie-Louise did a pretty good job.
    I broke up with my first love at 22 after 5 years of dating, I thought I was going to die, and couldn't eat for weeks. I think it's one of the hardest things to deal with. But it will make you stronger.
    Find some music that makes you feel good, keep busy, surround yourself with friends and family. Try to move on, and don't hold out for reconciliation. Be strong for your baby, he needs a strong mummy.
     
  8. Cerellia

    Cerellia Well-Known Member

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    @ Shocklee :hugs:

    You have to be strong! Don't tell yourself you can't do it. You can, it's all for your baby!
    First, make sure, you are not alone. Can you talk to your grandmother? Or a close friend? You need people around you who care about you.
    Secondly, think about how to get things sorted, financially. The baby has a right to get allimony payments from the father. If he (or his parents) can't pay them, the social welfare office should help out (though I don't know how this is like in the US).
    Anyway: Don't wallow in sorror but think ahead: How you will manage your life with the baby, where will you raise it, ect.
     
  9. Beltane

    Beltane Mother of 3 Boys!

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    I think you should get some time away from him. Sounds like his testicles haven't dropped yet! Stay strong!
     
  10. xpatchx

    xpatchx Wife, Mummy and pregnant!

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    I think everyone is right, if he isn't in love with you, then he isn't. And you have to be strong for your little boy BUT... why stay with you until now, have a baby with you, let it get this far, and do this now? what a silly time to do it. I know he can't help his feelings, but he must have been in love with you 23 weeks ago or else you and your turkey baster had a hell of a time.

    I think he picked a terrible time to tell you, and he could have waited for yours and the babies sake, or he should have told you before you got pregnant.

    I know I'd feel exactly the same if I lost my partner. My world revolves around him. But I'd find it somewhere to cope. You will too. Be strong. We're here for you x
     
  11. ~NEL~

    ~NEL~ Well-Known Member

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    Im sorry to hear about you and your other half, as heartbreaking as it is you've got a baby to think about. I think he started feeling overwhelmed by things and may need some space.
    Pls let all thoughts of dying out of your head and concentrate on yours and your childs future.
    Thinking of you x
     
  12. Shocklee16

    Shocklee16 Mommy to Ethan

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    Thanks so much everyone...your kind words have made m feel tons better. I dont know what I would do without you guys. I need all the help I can get. I still hope and pray that we can work things out...maybe one day we can. He still wants to be friends, but I dont want that. I want more. And it is definitely hard on me. But so far I am doing good. Today was my first good day since the break up. :)
     
  13. maybebaby3

    maybebaby3 Proud mum of 4!

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    i'm so sorry u r going thru this esp as u r pregnant and the last thing u need is this stress but if he is really serious about it being over then it's best that it has happened now rather than a few weeks or months after the baby is born. maybe with time u can be friends for the baby's sake. i do understand how u feel abt him going 2 appointments and being in the delivery room. i don't know that i would in your situation. do what u feel is right, esp abt the delivery. u dont need 2 be stresed out even more than u need 2 be when u r in labour as u need 2 be really focused. focus on your baby and the joy he will bring u :hugs: pm me if u need 2 chat xxx
     
  14. Shady_R

    Shady_R Mum of 3 boys and 1 girl

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    Sorry that your going through this hun, its always harder when your preggers too. Maybe he has got all worried with a baby on the way and losing his job, hes probably worrying about what your going to do for money. If you can let him be there for the scans and drs appointments and the birth, maybe you can work things out slowly and find that things arent that bad that he was just worried.......Fingers crossed and hugs too hun.....xx
     
  15. MUM 2 BE

    MUM 2 BE Well-Known Member

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    Awww Huuny im reaaly sorry to hear this :( it brought a tear to my eye just reading this ( probly hormones) but also me and my finace split up the night ov our engagement party! were ok now coz it was all in drink (him drinkin) we started arguing, but i felt exactly the same, i was so emotinal i had to go the hospital to make sure bubs was ok coz i was worried all the screaming and shouting would damage him or something!
    Anyway enuff about me sorry, my point is i no how u feel and id love to give u a big hug :hugs:When me and my OH split i sed to him we need to be mature about this situation were in! i said ur welcome to come to MW apps. and id still love u to be with me when our son comes into this world, because at the end ov all the arguments and hatred i may feel hes still bubs daddy! And his responce was " I dont know i dont want to be a part time dad!" i was rather fuming but it was his way ov saying he wants us to be a family, i justthink if u let ur "selfish" boyfriend attend anything thats got to do with the baby he will re-think the whole situation. was he happy about u falling pregnant? did yas have plans? coz maybey hes just got abit scared! Men are funy creatures after all, we get scared but we have to cope coz were carrying our baby, they get scared they want to run away!
    I dont want to get ur hopes up coz maybey he wont change his mind-
    But there muct have been something there btween yas for yas to start a family!
    sorry if this msg is no help at all, but i think u should play it cool, dont let him see how upset u are! and be an adult and say u want him to be part ov babys life.
    And dont forget were all hear for you to talk to, and try not to get too upset, bubs can feel all ur emotions and its not good to be sad :(
    hope this helps
    xx

    [url=https://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/][img]https://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev105pbs__.png[/url][/IMG]
     
  16. trashit

    trashit Guest

    Same thing happened to me last night sweety :cry: i hope you 2 can sort it out tho :hugs: it will be ok, be strong x
     
  17. Shocklee16

    Shocklee16 Mommy to Ethan

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    Thanks so much for all the heart warming advice. I needed too hear everything you guys have said. Thank you! :)
     
  18. babigurl891

    babigurl891 New Member

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    I am going thru the same thing sweetie. It's hard cuz everyone says we should just move on or that we really can do it without him, but the reality in our minds is the fact that it seems nearly impossible to do either. Just hold on love. That's what I'm doing. It has been a month now since he left and now he's even got a new girlfriend. It's been extremely hard and painful, but I am tryin my best to focus on me and school and what is best for my son. I have had some positives that have helped tho. I have a job now for until the baby is born and after, I have since gotten my grades up to a 4.1 GPA and i get my license finally this weekend. These things have really helped me to keep my head up. I am also workin hard to find a place for me and my son as well. I am a 17 year old single mom now and I am terrified of everything thats going to be happening including the birth of my son in a month or less, but i am trying to keep my head up high and remember that I have tons of support and people who love me and the baby. We can do this =) we just gotta keep faith and not let anything get in the way of wat we have to do to raise our little one!:flower:
     
  19. milamummy

    milamummy mom to Ella and Xavi

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    Sorry to be harsh but I think he is being very immature and selfish..Feelings dont change overnight and if he was feeling this way earlier then he shouldnt have got you pregnant...You dont need to be with someone who says he doesnt love you and pushing him will only make him run for the hills in the opposite direction..You gotta be strong for your baby and for yourself,even though this is an emotionally crushing thing to have happened. Take it a day at a time,find a way to get yourself sorted out financially and you never know..it could have been that it all got on top of him and the myspace thing was the straw that broke the camels back and you will work it all out after he has had a chance to cool his heels for a bit. wish you the best of luck luv:hugs:
     
  20. Surprise

    Surprise Well-Known Member

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    Oh bless your heart :hugs::hugs:. I know you are heartbroken, I've been there too, more than once. My first concern right now is that you aren't wanting to live. You probably need to find the phone # for the suicide hotline in your area. Or call a large church in your area and make an appointment for counseling (it's free). Or both. I know it feels like you'll never be happy again, but I promise you that you will. Promise. It will take time, so meanwhile pray, and determine to get through every day for yourself and your baby.

    As for your ex, unfortunately at his age, love is usually not for a lifetime. Please don't tell yourself that you can't get by without him, because although it does feel like that, it's not true. Again, I am speaking from experience. Tell yourself that you are strong, that you can get through this, and that everything WILL be ok. It's amazing what we can live through and come away from happier and stronger. You will one day be glad you're not with him. Remember, a plant that isn't watered will die. Likewise with feelings. Do not feed your love feelings for him, and they will die. You'll get your heart back and be strong, just don't give up. :hugs:
     

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