my brain is going to explode

[sweetdreams]

ok so heres my story..

im 18 years old, im going to be 19 next month. i found out a week ago that i am pregnant. i was happy, and scared at the same time. and for the first 2 days i have no thoughts about abortion or anything. until i told my boyfriend. he is 24 years old and already has a son. he said that we arent ready for a baby and that i can do what i want, but he cant do it again, not yet anyways. so just to be respectful of his feelings, i called an abortion clinic and made an appointment. im schedualed 2 and a half weeks from now. im terrified by the thought of the procedure but i feel like ill be alone if i dont do this. my mother told me that if i decide to keep my baby, ill have to move out of the house. and if my boyfriend leaves me how am i going to be able to afford all of the expenses? im attatched to this little person inside me even thought he/she is very very little..but i feel like it would be selfish and unfair if i bring this baby into the world with nothing to offer it.

im extremely stressed out and confused and i dont know what to do or think. i know so many women who have done it alone and have turned out to be great single moms, but i grew up without my dad and it sucked. and i really dont want that for my baby. me and my boyfriend have agreed to go out for dinner tomorrow night to talk about things, this will be the first time im seeing him since i told him. he was shocked and kind of vanished this past weekend. do you have any advice on what i can say or do to maybe make him see things differently?

 

[Pudding-x123]

I see it this way, this is you and your baby.

If you think that in your heart of hearts that abortion is not the way then you really need to sit your boyfriend down and explain everything, how you feel, how you could really do with him being there to support you. Tell him that you are having second thoughts about this abortion, although do take his feelings into consideration and tell him that you are taking in his feelings but you are now telling yours.

You have too options but unfortunately they both end in regret.
Do you A) Abort this baby and regret doing this, which will lead to you resenting your boyfriend OR
B) Keep this baby but also regret as you might lose your boyfriend.

Either way you have to think, this child has done nothing to hurt anybody so why should it be punished?

I believe that with or without father you will be able to raise this child the best way you can. My mum also told both me and my sister that if we ever got pregnant at a youngish age (Basically under 20) she would kick us out. My sister got pregnant at 18, sat my mum down and told her all her feelings and that whatever she would always love her mum.

Now my mum and my sister are stronger than anything.

Just explain to people. Either way you can do this, there is also other support out there. Even here at B+B.

If you ever feel like you need to talk, don't hesitate to PM.

xxxx Good luck with what ever you choose, I know you will do the right thing xxxx

 

[Erised]

If you're not completely comfortable with abortion yourself, don't do it. You'll only end up regretting it, feeling guilty and blaming those that 'talked you into it'.

Talk to your mum about it once she's had time to come to terms with what's happened. It's understandable that her first reaction is that she wants you to get rid of it and return things to 'normal'. Same for your other half, though with him already having a son he has been through it before. Talk to him, let him know exactly how you feel and how you will feel if you do have the abortion. Pretty much all the same advice as was given above.

The only thing I wanted to add is adoption. It's an option that is often over looked with it being so easy to have abortion. Easy in the way that that's what everyone that doesn't want a child thinks of right now, not easy in a mental of physical way. With adoptions you have a good chance your child will end up living a happy life, and there are ways about it so you can stay in contact with him/her as well. Maybe look into it, it will give you longer to think about whether or not you want to keep the child and sort things out with your family. Plus if you don't feel abortion is for you this might be another option. Also, there is counselling available for you if you don't think you can make the decision on your own but can't find support in family.

AdoptOntario

 

[Luhweez]

You say your Appointment is in two weeks time? I don't know how they do it in canada, and im not exactly sure about over here as i didn't go to the doctors until i was 23weeks gone, but most people have a scan around 6 weeks am i right? That's in a few days for you! If thats how it works over there, bring your boyfriend to the hospital with you and you's can both SEE your baby, and surely your boyfriend will feel differently, he may already have a son, but seeing this baby will probably make him realise, he dosen't mind doing it all again! Because atm you have noo bump, you just look normal to him, i don't know where exactly im going with this but even if he dosent change his mind, its YOUR baby too, and not anybody should make you feel like you have to get rid of him/her. thats like letting someone else decide whether you should keep a kidney or not..

 

[tasha41]

In Canada you can have your abortion until you're 12 weeks I think.. you can google it as there are several abortion clinics in Ontario, and you can also have an abortion in a hospital. It's covered by OHIP usually, but I'm not too sure about if OHIP covers abortions done in private clinics.. I also considered an abortion just because I'm just starting college and such and I really wanted to finish my degree at university- which meant a 2 year move.

However I too felt that attachment, and knew I couldn't go through with it. My boyfriend and I decided we both really did want the baby and my parents, although they really pressured me to abort, are accepting my choice. They told me I'm still their daughter and they still love me. So who knows, your mom might come around after you have more time to sort out how you're going to provide for it financially, where you'll live, and have a better idea of your whole "plan".

Best of luck to you..

 

[princess_x0]

ok so heres my story..

im 18 years old, im going to be 19 next month. i found out a week ago that i am pregnant. i was happy, and scared at the same time. and for the first 2 days i have no thoughts about abortion or anything. until i told my boyfriend. he is 24 years old and already has a son. he said that we arent ready for a baby and that i can do what i want, but he cant do it again, not yet anyways. so just to be respectful of his feelings, i called an abortion clinic and made an appointment. im schedualed 2 and a half weeks from now. im terrified by the thought of the procedure but i feel like ill be alone if i dont do this. my mother told me that if i decide to keep my baby, ill have to move out of the house. and if my boyfriend leaves me how am i going to be able to afford all of the expenses? im attatched to this little person inside me even thought he/she is very very little..but i feel like it would be selfish and unfair if i bring this baby into the world with nothing to offer it.

im extremely stressed out and confused and i dont know what to do or think. i know so many women who have done it alone and have turned out to be great single moms, but i grew up without my dad and it sucked. and i really dont want that for my baby. me and my boyfriend have agreed to go out for dinner tomorrow night to talk about things, this will be the first time im seeing him since i told him. he was shocked and kind of vanished this past weekend. do you have any advice on what i can say or do to maybe make him see things differently?

Hey hun..
Just wanted to say that does suck immensly (sp?!) but this is your baby and no one can take that away from you.
It is all your choice and no one elses.
Have you ever heard the saying 'You can have as many dads as your mother brings home, but you can only ever have one mum'?
In my experience this is very very true. My mum has been there since the beggining but my dad hasn't, he was never around and eventually he left all together and we rarely see him now. And tbh I wouldn't like it any other way. But that's just me.
And you are a woman. Women are amazing, we cope through the stickiest situations and come out the other end shining.
But..
Would your OH have anything to do with this baby? And he does know he WILL have to pay maintenence? Does he see his son reguarly? And also, it takes two to fucking tango! This isn't all just your fault so he should be supporting you! He should have been more careful if he didn't want another baby?!?
Don't terminate if your not 120% sure because trust me you will regret it.
I'm sure if it doesn't work out with your bf, you will find another man whom will love you more than your current bf and will be willing to take on your child.
Just make sure you atleast get maintenence!
xx