My D&C experience

[Trying4first1]

Hi everyone. Not been on for a while as had a bit of a break.
To all those who have posted on the thread I am so sorry that you are also going through this awful time

It has now been 2 weeks since my procedure. I would say that this week has been much better for me for sure. However I met my friends baby boy yesterday who was born early, 2 days after my procedure (isn't life great!?) I met them for the first time yesterday. I was very anxious and nervous but once I got there I was fine and I actually found the experience therapeutic. Until I got home where it was instant tears. I have been very down today about it because it has bought it all back to me However I am glad I went and passed that barrier as I can't hide from it all forever, it just felt like it was so soon.
I also feel like I have been left behind in a sense, like me and my friend don't have that bond anymore and that she has moved on. She doesn't really talk about my loss with me now and brushes it off. I don't know if that makes sense? Maybe its just my sadness making me feel that way? I am really happy for her but I just feel that since my loss things are not
the same. I guess life moves on for people but for me at the moment time is just standing still.

xx

 

[Amy1123]

I feel the exact same way. It's hard for ppl that have never miscarried to understand. They think it's something to get over fast. I am coping better but I'm definitely not "over" it. To some it may look like it but I have my triggers. I know a lot of places that are due around September and October (I would have been due October) and it's super hard to see their posts.
It's just something we cope with over time.

 

[momwithbabies]

I'm so sorry about this and wish I could say something to ease your pain. I totally agree that people who haven't miscarried don't understand. I know because I have been the ignorant one before. I guess we all are at some point. I think I would avoid talking about it because I didn't want to hurt the other person more. I didn't know what to say or how to act, so avoidance was my coping mechanism. I didn't mean I didn't care or thought the woman shouldn't be upset...I just didn't know what to say. Maybe that's how your friend is, I don't know. And having a newborn does change your relationships with others. Hopefully, if your friendship is true, you will keep in touch and be there for each other in time.

It's okay to feel sad and angry. And your loss was just two weeks ago. This is a traumatic experience that may never heal and will leave a sense of emptiness forever. I think like when you lose a loved one, with time it gets easier to talk about, but will forever hurt. And that emptiness is something we will all have to live with for the rest of our lives. I don't think people understand the gravity of this loss.

 

[momwithbabies]

I lost my baby last Saturday. Today's been rough. To add to it, I've had moderate cramping and bleeding. I've even had some clots.

I know the emotional pain will be ongoing, but when will the physical pain subside? It's just added torture.

 

[Trying4first1]

Thank you for your replies. I think your right, people don't always understand and maybe are in fear of upsetting you.I just feel like no one cares at times, like I should be over it already. This is such a lonely place to be in. I know that I will never be truly happy in life now until I have my baby in my arms.

Trying for a baby is meant to be an exciting time for couples. For me I hate it. It has been the worst time of my life so far. There is nothing exciting about it at the moment. It has caused nothing but heartache. I just hope for the day when this feeling will change. I feel that I have lost that innocence and excitement that I once had before my losses.
I know that things will work out one day, it's just a case of building up my strength to carry on with this journey

Luckily in general I am feeling better as time goes on. I think once AF arrives then I can start to feel more positive again as this will be an indication to me that my body is sorting itself out

Momwithbabies I am so sorry that you also have physical pain. The emotional pain is enough on its own. Really take care of yourself and give yourself the time you need.

xx

 

[momwithbabies]

Thank you. I'm feeling a little better right now. I go back to work tomorrow after being out a week. I hope I feel good and it distracts me from everything.

I wish for all of us to find the strength to push on through. My sister, who has had two losses and two births, says you have to kind of harden your heart in order to keep trying. I'm still trying to figure that one out, I guess.

She also said that after her D&C, she bled for about 6 weeks.

 

[beneathmywing]

Momwithbabies -- The ER told me you can bleed until about six weeks too, but should be spotting from week 2-6. I'm glad you are feeling better today. I feel like 10 percent better every day. Definitely in less pain and less bleeding. I can't wait to feel normal again, at least physically. Emotionally may take a while.

I agree 110% with Trying -- I absolutely hate what TTC has done to me.

 

[Trying4first1]

Hi momwithbabies. How was it for you going back to work this week? I have loved being back but it so tiring! Emotionally feeling better but had a set back yesterday as I went on Facebook and my friends sister posted her first scan picture. It was a bit too much for me as that would have been us next week. I cried my eyes out as I felt so gutted. That's 4 pregnancy announcements now since I've miscarried
Also waiting rather impatiently for AF. I've never wanted her so bad! Oh the irony!
How is everyone else doing? I would love to hear from you xx

 

[momwithbabies]

Thank you for asking. This week was taxing. I had some moments when I was so busy and distracted, and then, wham! There is a reminder. The bleeding has transformed more into spotting, which as you know, is a constant reminder of my loss. I opened my fridge in my classroom on Monday and saw my "pregnancy" snacks. I lost it. I've had to drive around at lunch lately to cry. I didn't today, though. I guess I'm coming along.

Today I had to get my blood drawn to check my levels. It was not fun stepping back into the same place where I lost my baby. I didn't cry, but it felt kind of surreal.

I'm glad you're feeling better emotionally. And yes, I wish AF would hurry as well. I don't do Facebook, but I can only imagine the heartbreak of others who are expecting. Even hearing about celebrities and their pregnancies depresses me.

I guess this is all normal...the good/bad moments. Hopefully we will all have more good moments sooner than later!

 

[beneathmywing]

Hope you girls are hanging in there

Ive had a tough few days myself. I got my genetic results back on the baby and "it" would have been a baby girl. She was also chromosomally normal. What a blow to the chest

Doctor now wants me to get immune blood work and blood clotting blood work done when my beta goes down to zero. I am getting a beta drawn on Tuesday. It was a 96 last tuesday.. This is all so hard and so so depressing

 

[momwithbabies]

I'm so sorry. Bless your heart, that's too much to bear. I cannot even imagine.

 

[beneathmywing]

I'm so sorry. Bless your heart, that's too much to bear. I cannot even imagine.

I dont even know how to deal. My heart is broken

 

[momwithbabies]

I imagine it's difficult to know what could have, what should have been.

Today is two weeks since I started bleeding. I was just commenting on another thread about what should have been.

I know I can't say anything to help, but I'm here any time you need to vent. The pain is horrible and at times unbearable.

 

[beneathmywing]

I imagine it's difficult to know what could have, what should have been.

Today is two weeks since I started bleeding. I was just commenting on another thread about what should have been.

I know I can't say anything to help, but I'm here any time you need to vent. The pain is horrible and at times unbearable.

Thats what hurts the most.. I should have had a summer time belly and a fall time baby. I dont know whats next from here. Such a terrible feeling.

 

[momwithbabies]

I am so sorry.

 

[Trying4first1]

Hey momwithbabies! Glad that work has been a good distraction for you, but as you say these reminders just 'pop' up and there we are in floods of tears again. i know exactly how you feel. There are a lot of 'triggers' which I am sure you have found, just those little things that remind you, like the snacks as you said. Like you I am also a teacher. It can be hard as you always need your happy face on even if you are not feeling great. I am sure that you are finding that too?
I bet that was strange going back to clinic again. good that you didn't cry, thats a positive step but i am sure it still was very hard for you. It is very difficult hearing about these pregnancies. Its like now EVERYONE is pregnant. Such a hard thing to deal with.
i am a great believer in that time is a healer. I think that over time the days will get easier. I already feel like they are, but I do have that sadness in my heart no matter what I am doing, it is always on my mind. I guess its learning how to cope with those feelings and learning how to enjoy life again.

 

[Trying4first1]

Beneathmywing

I am so sorry to hear of how you are feeling. Also knowing that chromosomal wise there was nothing wrong with you baby. I really feel for you and i understand the pain that you are feeling.
This will get easier with time. Time is a great healer. You may not feel it now and may not for a while, but as the weeks go by it will get easier I promise you
I know what you mean about the summer time belly I would have been having my 12 week nuchal scan this week as i would have been 12 weeks yesterday. Completely gutted

 

[Trying4first1]

I have revived this thread for any ladies who are experiencing having a D and C for the first time. I hope it helps to erase any of your worries and concerns. So sorry that you find yourselves here xx

 

[furstrated]

I had a completely different experience than the original poster of this thread. I have had two miscarriages, the first one was natural and the second one was a mmc so I had the D&C in an effort to avoid the emotional pain of waiting for it to happen naturally. For me that was a terrible decision! The first miscarriage was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life. We saw a heartbeat just two weeks before and even though I was spotting, I was told that is "normal." Then one night around midnight I felt terrible cramping and started bleeding horribly about a half hour later I knew that the pregnancy was over as I felt and understood the baby being eliminated. While that hour/hour and half at the most was terribly painful physically the emotional pain will last forever.
The D&C on the other hand I really have been able to bypass the emotional pain (we never saw a heartbeat with this pregnancy so I think that helped) but the physical pain has been far worse than the "natural" mc. It has been more than a week and I wake up in the middle of the night curled over in pain even after taking the medication prescribed by my doctor. I go from no bleeding to gushing. Somedays I can hardly get out of bed because of the pain in my abdomen and this week has been one constant headache. I pray that I never have another miscarriage but if I do...I WILL NOT have a D&C. I am pretty sure every person is different as is every pregnancy, but I never want to suffer like this again.

 

[momwithbabies]

I'm so sorry for your losses. How are you feeling now? Is the bleeding better? I also had bleeding for quite a while after my D&C, but not near as bad as what you're describing. Mine was mostly bad during that first week.

15 weeks has passed since I lost my baby at 10 weeks. All around me I see these beautiful summer bellies or ladies holding their precious little ones. I still can't let go of what should have been. I wonder if anyone truly lets go.

I never named my baby or even knew if I was having a boy or girl, but the sadness I feel makes me want to name him. At the same time, I feel like too much time has passed, if that makes since.

My husband and I don't talk any about it. He has seemed distant towards me lately, and when he shows me any attention, I don't want it. Has anyone been through a similar situation after a miscarriage? I don't know what to do or if to do something. Maybe this will pass, but I feel like we are growing apart at times.