furstrated
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- Joined
- Jun 19, 2015
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@Momwithbabies I am so sorry about your loss. My bleeding has mostly stopped but I still have mild cramping from time to time (15 days post D&C).
It breaks my heart to hear that you and your husband are feeling "distance" from this. I have the best husband in the world, he has been so supportive through both losses. The first one was really bad for him emotionally, I thought he was disappointed with me the night we miscarried. At the hospital he couldn't look me in the eyes. And I kept saying I was sorry but he wouldn't respond. A couple of days later I brought it up, because it really hurt me deeply to think that he could think it was my fault. It turns out that he just didn't understand why I was saying I was sorry. He thought I was apologizing for for the terribly long wait at the hosptial (5 hours and we finally left without seeing a doctor) or that I was crying so much. When I told him I felt responsible for the miscarriage he couldn't believe what I was saying! Once we talked it over we both felt so much better.
But this one we were both more emotionally able to handle, maybe because it was so soon or maybe because we never saw a heart beat I am really not sure. However, we talk about it a lot and I cry a lot, he is always right there to support me the whole way. If anything good could come from a miscarriage the fact that we have learned to talk through things would be one at least for me.
For our first one we even did our own sort of funeral at home. We bought flowers and walked to the river and dropped the petals in one by one. And we light a candle that we kept lit for 8 hours 1 hour for every week of our little ones life. I say if you want to name your baby name him/her. Grieving is not a timed event, it takes a different amount of time for everyone.
I also understand what you mean by seeing other moms and feeling resentful. I am a much younger sibling in my family and I have nieces and nephews who all have or are having children. That makes me feel horrible inside: 1. That I would ever want to steal their joy (when deep down I kind of do) 2. That I am so much older than they are and I am not sure that I will ever have the experience of holding a new born baby in my arms. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I hope that you and your husband find a way to get through this pain together and an extra oz. of Baby dust
It breaks my heart to hear that you and your husband are feeling "distance" from this. I have the best husband in the world, he has been so supportive through both losses. The first one was really bad for him emotionally, I thought he was disappointed with me the night we miscarried. At the hospital he couldn't look me in the eyes. And I kept saying I was sorry but he wouldn't respond. A couple of days later I brought it up, because it really hurt me deeply to think that he could think it was my fault. It turns out that he just didn't understand why I was saying I was sorry. He thought I was apologizing for for the terribly long wait at the hosptial (5 hours and we finally left without seeing a doctor) or that I was crying so much. When I told him I felt responsible for the miscarriage he couldn't believe what I was saying! Once we talked it over we both felt so much better.
But this one we were both more emotionally able to handle, maybe because it was so soon or maybe because we never saw a heart beat I am really not sure. However, we talk about it a lot and I cry a lot, he is always right there to support me the whole way. If anything good could come from a miscarriage the fact that we have learned to talk through things would be one at least for me.
For our first one we even did our own sort of funeral at home. We bought flowers and walked to the river and dropped the petals in one by one. And we light a candle that we kept lit for 8 hours 1 hour for every week of our little ones life. I say if you want to name your baby name him/her. Grieving is not a timed event, it takes a different amount of time for everyone.
I also understand what you mean by seeing other moms and feeling resentful. I am a much younger sibling in my family and I have nieces and nephews who all have or are having children. That makes me feel horrible inside: 1. That I would ever want to steal their joy (when deep down I kind of do) 2. That I am so much older than they are and I am not sure that I will ever have the experience of holding a new born baby in my arms. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I hope that you and your husband find a way to get through this pain together and an extra oz. of Baby dust
