my DH is spoilt and it makes me not like him very much

[MrsBandEgglet]

This probably shouldn't grate on me I know but my husband's mum spoils him so bad and she's starting with the kids now too. I can monitor how she is with the children and stop her as such but I can't do anything about how she is with her own son. I don't want my children being spoiled; it's not good for them imo. They get all they need and that's all that matters. Last year she bought OH an Ipad for christmas quite early but then she still sent him a cheque and this year she's now just bought him an Ipad 2 as an "early christmas gift" and I know she'll still send him something when christmas comes round. He's a grown man!! It's time to stop spoiling him so much now. Her generosity is lovely, it really is and she's wonderful to kids but I worry that as they get older they'll come to expect her grand gestures and I'll be the bad guy if I take them away. My husband, however, doesn't seem to give a hoot He's just like a kid himself; all excited about his new toy. She bought him a galaxy tab for his birthday too! Can somebody pleeeeeease explain to me why somebody needs three tablets?!! I use his ipad now a bit and he did say he's gonna sell it but I think that's a bit of an insult really. I'm really disappointed in him and I don't like him very much at the moment. I don't want my children to grow up thinking they are "entitled" to all this stuff like I'm beginning to think he does.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I dont know what to suggest. I would just be happy that we didnt buy and it I would use it lol xx

 

[DanielleM]

Unfortunatley some people think that money=love.

I don't really have a suggestion about what you can do as it is the relationship his mum and your husband have, maybe you are just going to have to put up with it, if a mother wants to spoil her child there is not a lot you can do about it.

BUT with your own children there is definatley something you can do, you need to tell her how you feel in relation to gifts and your own children otherwise she will not know until you voice your concerns.

Maybe you could put a suggestion into your MIL ear about something grand that you want, may aswell exploit the situation

 

[Snowball]

She's got MIL syndrome. Symptoms include interfering, daily tightening of apron strings and thinking they know best.

Only cure is getting on a jetplane and going far far away

Most have to just put up with it

Seriously though, it's common with boys I think for their mums to be a bit like this (shoot me if I do it though!). I found there was never anything I could do about it because ex DH loved being treated like a baby. The MIL was way better at turning on the waterworks and getting the violin out than I could ever be

 

[Eternal]

My mum spoils me, but she does my OH and Son too. Not quite that expensive though and certainly not three tablets!

To be honest i dont think being spoilt did me any favours, i kind of never learnt to just make do, but my OH is the same too, when we buy new things its always the best!

No advice, i find it hard the other way when our in laws do lots financially for their others kids but wont for us. We are having twins and they haven't even offered a penny to help, where as my SIL gets everything. I dont expect it, but its annoying when our SILs and BIL get and get and we dont. but their loss.

My mum treats my OH just like a son, in fact he usually gets more than me as i see things and think, i might get that for kevin and she gets it for him instead lol!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

OMG I think I may be *that* kind of MIL.

Apologise in advance lol x

 

[booflebump]

Does she treat her grandkids in the same way? Your OH should really be saying 'mum, it's really kind of you, but I would much rather you spent the money on the kids, or maybe popped it in to savings for them' instead of happily accepting these extravagant gifts xxx

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

LOL MF. I did speak to her about buying violet a handmade and very exclusive rocking horse when she was born because it was £350!! So I suggested she put something on her account instead and I said £100 was more than enough. I Really had to insist but sometimes I think my husband would just take it and it's that attitude I truly hate. He was never like that in the past, he was always very humble. I know she does the same for her daughter and her other grandson too so I guess it's just that she enjoys spoiling her family. She's good to me too but there's rarely anything I want.

 

[Whisper]

Isn't that what Grandparents are for? Not all Grandparents are in a position to buy their kids/grandkids nice things or anything at all.

Personally i don't see anything wrong with it, it doesn't mean your children will be spoiled thats entirely up to how you and OH bring them up to appreciate things.

With regards to your hubby i'd say let him be, his mum wants to spoil him well thats their relationship.....

I hope this has come across the right way i have trouble with wording things sometimes. x

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

I know what you mean whisper and yeah it is great that she wants to treat the kids and if she wants to spoil her son fair enough but once we were talking about changing the carpet in the living room and my hubby flippantly said "oh I'll call my mum". He didn't but it made me think for a second. If you can't stand on your own two feet at 39 when the hell can you? I'm reluctant to go into it with her too much because I know she enjoys treating them and OHs dad died about 14 months ago so maybe she's missing fussing over somebody. I guess it's not her I'm annoyed with, more my husband for his attitude. About the iPad 2: why does he even need it when he has an iPad?!!!! Ridiculous

 

[sabby52]

My MIL is like that, but my OH isnt spoilt, she just likes to buy her son and Grandsons gifts tbh I dont have a problem with it.
She actually gave my OH £1000 last year to part pay for our holiday, she simply said if she didnt have the money then we wouldnt get it, but while she does have it she cant think of a better way to spend it, other than on her son and grandkids, I think it is lovely.

I have to say I will most likely be like this with my two boys as well, I love spending money on them and treating them and I certainly wont stop just because they are a certain age, they will always be my babies xx

 

[Mummy2B21]

Wow 39, I can't ever recall my grandparents giving presents to my dad bday or xmas yet they are wealthy & always gave me & siblings presents.

I find it personally way ott to be spending that much on a grown man. I don't think i could accept that if i was he x

 

[bartlettpear]

Yeah... I dont understand the whole iPhone 4 and 4S... or having TWO iPads? That is a little unnecessary

I see spoiling grandchildren an awesome thing, because children with grandparents are SO lucky but I can see your frustration with your husband.

 

[LulaBug]

Does he have a bad attitude with it? Maybe sit him down and explain to him that you've noticed he's not as humble as he used to be and need's to pay attention to how he receives these gifts and runs to your MIL when things go wrong.
I personally don't see the problem with his mother spoiling him, if she's in a position to do so, I think it's lovely and to be fair, it does seem to be mainly on special occasions, such as his birthday and Christmas (even if a little early).
As the kids get older, maybe make a big show of pointing out that he helped their gran out so much, she rewarded him for his good behaviour and helpfulness and that's how they will earn their treats too.
She'll get to spoil her son and you'll be instilling good manners etc in to your children and they'll hopefully avoid being spoilt and be humble.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My mum still treats me lol I have never even stopped to think if OH gets offended by it (he doesnt!) My OHs dad buys him stuff all time £170 fishing pass etc and I just think its nice and saves us buying it when we have a house to run. Both sets spoil the kids but try and just enjoy it, takes the stress out of family life and does not mean kids will grow up expecting it xx

 

[RileysMummy]

I can see why it frustrates you to some extent. My husband is an only child, his parents have alot of money and as child my husband never went without but his parents are very modest with their money and learnt my husband the value of money. Now we have Millicent they spoil her instead, I don't mind as we live in a different country, they don't see her as much and want to buy her nice things. But to them money/gifts doesnt = love. When we're in the UK they love taking her for days out etc, his parents the other week when we were in the UK were practically crying thanking me for all the time they spent with her. My 'issue' is when Millicent is older I want her to learn the value of money too and you don't just get what you want.

I think as long as your kids grow up knowing this they'll be okay. Speak to your mil and tell her your worries. With your oh being spoilt at his age, I think its pretty weird but if it makes your mil happy then not much you can do.

xxx