My husband doesn't seem to be with the programme!

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Tishimouse, Oct 26, 2008.

  1. Tishimouse

    Tishimouse Fairy Godmother - really!

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    You know, sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel and forgetting it.

    I got my first PEAK on my CBFM yesterday and by my temp this morning, I reckon today is my ovulation day. I told my husband yesterday morning about getting my PEAK and he said "ooh! so does that mean tonight we get to have an early night?" I was really happy all day thinking this month could go according to plan.

    My husband was out all day taking photographs at a wedding and didn't get home until really late (close to 10pm). I was due to go to a friends party, but opted out thinking it would be too late when I got home for us to BD. I prioritised. I waited for my husband to relax a bit, he had tea and toast and we watched a little TV and then off to bed. We had a short conversation about how unfortunate it was that he had been kept late at the wedding (long story but cutting the cake was delayed and he had to wait to take photos). He said "they messed me around and spoiled my plans". I said "tell them when you see them that they spoiled my plans too". He said "don't worry your plans aren't spoiled" and he fell asleep.

    This morning he got up and had breakfast because he is running a race (it started at 10am). He got up an hour early because we forgot about winter time changing. Instead of using that extra time to BD, he spent it looking for something on the internet and now he's gone out to his race. He gave me a huge hug before he left and asked me if I was OK that I looked really tired and fed up. I told him I did feel a bit that way but that I would do something nice today to cheer myself up.

    He is bring his 2 boys (10 and 14) over here after lunch to spend the day with us, so that's our chance of any daytime romance out the window. I like his two boys, but today I don't want them here and feel like they are his priority (naturally they should be). A little guilty part of me feels that he is all right because he has two children, but every month my chances of having a child are depleted by events like this. It's not the first time and I really feel my efforts are wasted because my husband just simply doesn't 'get it'. Either that or he is not committed to the idea of conceiving.

    I really feel like giving up. I've talked to him too many times before about the way I feel and it still doesn't stop this type of event happening again and again.

    Ah! Big sigh. I'm going to go shopping now for the ingredients to make a big Halloween cake in the shape of a haunted castle, just to occupy my time and stop me bursting out crying (again). My poor little kitten has had to listen to the tearful rants of a woman obsessed this morning (I swear she'd have ear muffs on by now if she could).

    Sorry for the rant, but I can't share this with anyone else as it's too intimate a topic. Am I the only one with these problems?
     
  2. Tishimouse

    Tishimouse Fairy Godmother - really!

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    Oooh! I've written quite a lot ... sorry.
     
  3. who's_mummy

    who's_mummy Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: for you, men can be so thoughtless. my OH knew that I wanted another baby and has been happy to BD with no contraception for the past few weeks. I've been wondering if I'm ovulating around now too but last night OH announces that he doesn't want another one yet and that he's going back to using contraception. Of course I've been sulking with him big time ever since and thankfully it seems to have done the trick here and he has relented but I really think they are oblivious to how much emotion is attached to these things for us women.

    I see you're in Lancashire - me too, whereabouts are you (if you don't mind saying!)

    :hug:
    Gemma x
     
  4. celine

    celine Well-Known Member

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    Im so sorry Tish :( Men dont really think sometimes..
     
  5. CarrieB

    CarrieB Me, DH and little bean

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    Honestly men!!! If only we didn't need them to make the babies life would be sooooo much easier!! Don't you be worrying about how much you wrote, long rants are the best kind. My DH seems to want a baby even more than me. We're approaching my ovulation (hopefully) and he's being really good about being up for it, but I swear, if I told him I was ovulating but I didn't actually organise a bit of :sex: it wouldn't occur to him that we should be trying and we'd only be going to bed to sleep! It's like they don't connect getting pg with having sex! They really just don't get it ](*,)
     
  6. Jolinar

    Jolinar Mummy to Nic

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    I think men are sometimes turned off by the whole "I've got an egg that needs fertilising" approach. I'd opt for not telling him and instead seduce him whilst he's trying to surf the net :D Men love being pounced on by a horny woman I find ;)
     
  7. CarrieB

    CarrieB Me, DH and little bean

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    Btw, did you ask him this morning if you could have a bit of BD as he had extra time? I just know that with my DH, much though I would love him to pick up on what I want and need without me having to tell him, it's never going to happen - I've dropped hints the size of elephants without him getting it. I've found it can save a lot of time, effort and rows to just spell it out to him (enunciating verrrrry clearly!!) xx :hug:
     
  8. applegirl

    applegirl mum of 1 and adopting

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    oh! so annoying!
    I wonder if taking the approach of getting dressed up in something slinky - or giving him a sexy massage might do the trick better than telling him about the O!? :blush:
     
  9. CarrieB

    CarrieB Me, DH and little bean

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    Lol, didn't see Jolinar's response till I'd written mine!!! Well I guess every man is different. It may be worth trying lots of different tactics!!!!!
     
  10. porkypig

    porkypig Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear you feel down hun, men can be a little stupid sometimes, they probably dont mean to be, probably because us women always having ttc on our minds more then men. If that was me, i would have said to him out right, as we going to bd or what?
    Take the bull by the horns (excuse the pun) if you dont ask, you dont get! Good luck hun xxxx
     
  11. Tishimouse

    Tishimouse Fairy Godmother - really!

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    Thanks for all your responses. There's so much truth in all of them and I've tried all the said tactics in the past. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I just don't understand him ... and they say women are complicated.

    Not to worry, you just never know we may get a bit of nooky yet today. Knowing my luck I'll get dressed up in some sexy lingerie to answer the door and pounce on him and it will be some unsuspecting Jehovas Witnesses (I'll never get rid of them).

    (No insult intended on JW's, but there are 3 or 4 people who patrol our area and they scare the living daylights out of me. Two are big tall men in dark woollen coats who would fit right into the Adams family, I kid you not).
     
  12. Peanut78

    Peanut78 Mum of 2

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    Lots of :hugs: for you...

    I agree with the rest of the girls - men- they can be so "out of tune" sometimes. I remember replying to another thread on here once about how OH and I have an agreement I will not tell him when I am O'ing - unless necesseary (i.e. he is not picking up on my advances...). In hindsight, I thought - he really doesn't seem to understand the thought and emotion that goes into this whole process. I understand they may have a differenet way of dealing with things - and we cannot change that - but that eight months in he still has no understanding how my cycle works -annoys me a bit... Sometimes I feel like I am tip-toeing around the subject. My OH for example gets touchy if I talk to much about it (i.e havinga baby and why it may be taking us longer) - and suggests maybe he is firing blanks (in an angry way - without me having said anything like that...).

    Sorry! - ended up ranting myself there.... (we have had the MiL and FiL over for a week and although I love thim, am perhaps a bit generally frustrated....:blush:)

    :hug:
     
  13. porkypig

    porkypig Well-Known Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  14. missbooby

    missbooby Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: I know how you feel. My OH never seems to get the elephant sized hints I've been dropping for him the last few days, I did manage to twist his arm for :sex: this morning but it was a military planned operation. What is it with them? The rest of the month he is always :serenade: and up for it then when it comes to the crucial time..he is always ''too tired, too stressed, too busy'' etc etc ](*,) Anybody would think I was trying to make him go to the dentist! A few months ago I went along the totally unsubtle lines of ''OPK SAYS LH SURGE GO! GO! GO!'' Kinda killed the passion though and he decided to keep the babymaking-hungry-mad-woman at arms length :blush:
    We have his daughter staying down for half term now aswell so romantic times are gonna be even more difficult :help: I am CD14 I think of a 30-31ish day cycle and the panic is setting in :hissy:
    Perhaps we could drug our men?? (only joking lol)
    :dust:
     
  15. CarrieB

    CarrieB Me, DH and little bean

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    That's a genius idea!! Maybe if I could find a way to slip DH a viagra without him knowing (admittedly will have to work on that part of the plan) he'll end up with a hugh ahem!! and he'll have no choice but to do something with it :rofl:
     
  16. Farie

    Farie Well-Known Member

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: at the image of Tish jumping on unsuspecting JW's .... might stop them hanging about tho .... tell them your entire TTC story ... if I did that I'm sure they'd never some back!
    :hug: for you honey, so sorry you've been feeling down :hugs: the cake sounds wonderful tho!! And don't worry about your kitty ... mine have reassured me that they can effectively tune us out when necessary (my girlie does it every time I rant and her for the ease at which she conceived her 3 litters ... slut)
    I think she just hears 'blahh blahh blahh :rofl:
     
  17. miel

    miel Married to an amazing guy

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    i heard Viagra is bad when ttc girls....

    welcome Tish ...miss you a tone :hug::hugs:
     
  18. CarrieB

    CarrieB Me, DH and little bean

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    Well that's that plan out of the window then :dohh: Guess it's back to a good old-fashioned night of seduction...

    Hope you're feeling a bit better now Tishimouse x
     
  19. CHILLbilly

    CHILLbilly Well-Known Member

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    I am in the same position Tishi.....
    Something always happens a few days before o time... either pulled muscle in back...he's hurt his wang :blush:( sorry i really like to say that word..makes me laugh), drinks too much and then is sick for 2 days, hmmm there are more excuses but i can't remember them all......

    BUT 5 days after O he is like......hey we should :sex: like he has had amnesia for the last week........:dohh:
    Argggggg I don't think they realize the egg only lasts for 24 hours........and that includes sleeping time...](*,)
    so skipping a morning session or afternoon is not a good idea.
    men are simple creatures...I'm not sure if we should give them too many details..
    maybe just fake them out with a :icecream: then pounce!!!!!
    I hope you get your bd'ing in soon...and good news in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!1
     
  20. florentinella

    florentinella Well-Known Member

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    I think that men are just put off but all the terms & science behind TTC - I'm ovulating, egg is coming etc

    My hubby definitely (and he is a very clever 36 yo) thought we will conceive first time we have unprotected sex. Well, it didnt happen... and he is slightly getting into a swing of things now, but firstly he was just cringing - "dont tell me" and "I dont want to know" ...

    good luck honey, I still think seduction will work better than dry facts ;)

    :hug:
     

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