my inlaws are driving me crazy

[tina426]

So, they're not not excited, but they aren't genuinely excited....It's annoying...so age to have children is of course unique per person and couple and it's a huge life choice...my mil stayed by making clear we were SOOOO young to have children (we're 27 and have been married almost 4yrs...she had my dh at 39 and my sister in law at 44, calls anything under 35 reeeaaalllyy young). Whatever. Annoying. Sad. Whatever...she also had many miscarriages between the two, she's rh+ i don't understand well but know can complicate things - she had atleast 4 that my dh (as a 3-5yr old) knew about, at least one as late as 19 weeks...and she's used this to delegitimize my pregnancy every time we mention anything - "oh you're pregnant? Wonderful but oh only 12 weeks!" (When did you think we'd tell you? ) "oh you heard heartbeat? That's nice but it's so risky until x-time", today we did a private scan to find gender (18+3, my 20wk a/s is in 10 days and dh will be traveling for work), and it was something along the lines of how exciting but scary because you'll be more attached now and that 20wk Sscan is a big milestone....

She doesn't mean to be hurtful/annoying, and i know this, but it's irritating as hell. I'm a worrier to begin with and we were so happy to get pregnant life just almost seemed too good and I've had to consciously make effort to relax and enjoy being pregnant, and every time we talk to them I'm a stressed out wreck again.

Do i bother telling her to blow smoke, will this all ease in 10 days? I just want to relax....

 

[AmandaBanana]

Awe that's super irritating!
27 is not young. Dh is 20 I'm 22.
To me, 39 is a bit older to be having children due to complication risks heightening greatly. She's even experienced that. If she keeps saying it, I would just tell her you don't appreciate it, times are different and they are less risks when you have them at your age.
We flat out told our family we want to hear NO negativity in any form.
So now it's easy to point out if they are being negative.
Maybe wait till your scan and she might ease off.
This may just be how she's worrying for you, annoying as it may be

 

[Septie]

I would just let her talk without listening. From her perspective, you are babies having children (she was of very very AMA for sure!), and, given her experience, pregnancy is very uncertain and scary indeed (and she probably has problems bonding and looking forward to the grandkid herself right now). I am sure she can't help it! I am of very AMA this time as well...I kind of hope our kids won't have them quite as late as us - as I want to enjoy being an active grandma! Maybe you could mention to her that luckily you and OH are starting earlier than her so that she can see her grandkids grow up
And yes, you will likely relax after the 20 week ultrasound!

 

[TTC First]

If I were you and not hearing anything positive on the updates you give, I most likely wouldn't tell her anything. You need to surround yourself by positive right now.

As for age...I don't think 27 is inappropriate to be having a baby at all. Yes you will be on the younger side of parents but there is nothing wrong with that. I will be much older than you when my lo is born. I see good things about being way older and having kids....I have done a lot in my life already and financially I am settled. You on the other hand may not have travelled as much or had as many experiences...but when you are my age your kids will be older and you will have so much time to do so many things. It would be so amazing if I hand already had my kids and they were older now. Sometimes I look at others I know who have older kids already and I am jealous. I am just starting the process and they are sending their kids off to college and getting all this time on their hands.

Just ignore the negativity, this is an amazing time for you and your DH right now....enjoy it!

 

[jlw617]

I don't think 27 is young to be having children at all! I had my first at 24 and now I'll be 33 next month and I'll have my 3rd in October/November. I hate when everyone has something to say about everything! Especially those that we'd rather be supportive...it's just annoying, my mil and step mom kept telling me, oh well you're still so early in your pregnancy...and I was almost 20 weeks at the time so it really got on my nerves because I was just thinking "when do you not consider me to be early?! I'm almost half way there!" Oh well I have plenty of other supportive people in my life and I'm sure you do as well, just focus on the positive

 

[blueblue]

Try and ignore her and enjoy your pregnancy. She shouldn't put her worries on to you. I've had a lot of miscarriages but I'd never try and worry someone else. When someone tells me they are 18 weeks, I don't feel that it's early (I feel that about my own pregnancy due to previous losses but it doesn't translate to my view of other people's). The age you have your family is a personal choice, and 27, especially if you have been together for a long isn't that young. What's right for one person isn't right for another and she should respect that. Be reassured by your 18 week scan, it's a really good sign and only 2 weeks off your 20 week scan. I'm sure everything will be fine then too x

 

[MemmaJ]

I agree with TTC First about just not telling her anything! My own mum went through a phase of being nothing but negative in this pregnancy (I actually posted a thread about it at the time!) - so I just stopped telling her anything. It went on for a few weeks but eventually she slowly changed and started taking more of an interest and being less negative.
She still tells me things like 'you should be resting' all the time, which I just let wash over me and ignore - but I definitely found it easier to just not involve her, than to hear constant negative comments and be brought down all the time!