My journal: PAL journey

[Jchihuahua]

Great news! Fingers crossed for a BFP at the end of this cycle for us both. My AF arrived yesterday. It feels like a weight off my mind. My dating scan was supposed to be last week x

 

[cupcake23]

Thank you jchihauhua

 

[cupcake23]

So I'm back in EPU for what's hopefully my last scan post mc, I'm on cd 5 and last night dh was hugging me and just said 'let's make a baby' so happy because it's coming from him and I'm not the one forcing the situation 😀

 

[cupcake23]

All went well at my scan, no concerns so I've been given the go ahead to ttc

 

[ttc126]

Yay!!!!! Great news!!!!! Hope it's a lucky cycle!

 

[Jchihuahua]

Good news about the scan. Good luck this cycle. I am going to try the SMEP this cycle.

 

[cupcake23]

Thank you... What's SMEP jchihauhua?

 

[Jchihuahua]

https://spermmeetseggplan.com

 

[cupcake23]

Wow jchihauhua that first page is so interesting... Something to consider if this cycle doesn't work out for me. Thanks for the link x

 

[cupcake23]

Not much to update, cd 7- feeling good, spent the day with a friend and her gorgeous baby, it was so lovely having cuddles, can't wait for it to be turn 😊 Was tempted to buy some opks but decided against it, will see how this month goes and go from there.

 

[cupcake23]

Well, I just don't know how I feel... My emotions are so up and down, it's ok when I'm busy, with kids or work but when I have some time alone all I can think about is the mc, how many weeks I should have been, I should be sharing my good news to all etc and these thoughts go straight to ttc, hoping and praying I get a bfp this month to actually thinking of not ttc in June as that would mean all my kids birthdays in March, should I even care? I hate overthinking but it's impossible not to. My life to this point as been relatively 'easy' I've always got what I wanted... Eventually... but this whole mc has dented my beliefs and made me into that anxious person, the one going crazy with 'what ifs' I'm pretty good at keeping things to myself, friends & family believe I'm doing well, which I am but I'm worried I'm about to burst and actually shout 'ITS NOT FAIR!'

It probably doesn't help it's been a beautiful day and I've done sod all, probably spent far too much time thinking today, trying to decipher different types of cm what a learning curve.

 

[ttc126]

Oh cupcake! What you're thinking and going through is completely normal! It's a big loss whether others recognize it or not! I've been overthinking as well! Could've written what you wrote in fact! You're just working through things still. The day I gave myself permission to go at my own pace and heal in my own time was the day I finally felt a little bit better. You are not alone here and I am thinking of you and praying you'll get your rainbow soon!

 

[Jchihuahua]

Well, I just don't know how I feel... My emotions are so up and down, it's ok when I'm busy, with kids or work but when I have some time alone all I can think about is the mc, how many weeks I should have been, I should be sharing my good news to all etc and these thoughts go straight to ttc, hoping and praying I get a bfp this month to actually thinking of not ttc in June as that would mean all my kids birthdays in March, should I even care? I hate overthinking but it's impossible not to. My life to this point as been relatively 'easy' I've always got what I wanted... Eventually... but this whole mc has dented my beliefs and made me into that anxious person, the one going crazy with 'what ifs' I'm pretty good at keeping things to myself, friends & family believe I'm doing well, which I am but I'm worried I'm about to burst and actually shout 'ITS NOT FAIR!'
.

I feel EXACTLY like this too. xx

 

[cupcake23]

So I realised this morning I worked 6 days in a row, 3 nights going onto 2 days, no days off in between, no wonder I'm so tired 😫

I was still fitting regular bd sessions, I think I had ov pains on Monday, plus loads of ewcm last night and this morning, we bd on Monday, and this morning, I would have liked to dtd on Tuesday & last night but it just didn't happen, felt guilty that I wasn't putting the effort as I know I will be so upset if this cycle doesn't work out but both me and oh were shattered. I had a feel of my cervix, felt low, soft & slightly open so everything is looking positive.

I continue to take omega 3-6-9 supplements plus magnisium OK monthly cycle, it only contains half the required amount of folic acid so I need to make sure I'm adding this to my diet. I was using pregnacare prenatals which I started to get used to (was making feel me nauseous) but I thought I would try these supplements instead as the added magnisium is meant to help with hyperemesis which I suffered badly previously but not with my mc definitely a warning sign that things were not going to end well with that pregnancy.

Dh already asked me if I've started testing 😄 Told him it's far to early, so from next week this journal is going to be bombarded with hcg test. Can't wait x

 

[ttc126]

I can't wait for testing time!!!!! I usually have hyperemisis too but zero sickness with my mc.... Praying we get healthy beans ❤️

 

[cupcake23]

I really hope so too! I remember saying never again when I was pregnant with my dd, it never sat right with me that I had no sickness with my mc, tried to be happy but knew something was off, it's strange now I'm looking forward to hyperemesis (hopefully mild), at least then I know things are going the right way.

 

[Jchihuahua]

I really hope so too! I remember saying never again when I was pregnant with my dd, it never sat right with me that I had no sickness with my mc, tried to be happy but knew something was off, it's strange now I'm looking forward to hyperemesis (hopefully mild), at least then I know things are going the right way.

Same here. I was so, so sick with my two boys. I was throwing up 12 times a day and couldn't eat or drink or anything. This time I had no sickness at all, no symptoms. I knew something wasn't quite right .

I havent managed to follow the smep thing to the letter but have done quite well I think with the bding. I got a positive opk and ewcm last Saturday so at least I know I have ovulated and we bd Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

Kepping everything crossed for bfps for us all xx

 

[cupcake23]

It's been a few days, been lurking on bnb, it seems very quiet these days and to be honest I haven't had much to say, don't know how many dpo I am (max 10 days) but I have been testing since Sunday, I've already taken 3 today can't seem to help myself, thought I saw something this morning so I thought testing another 2 times would be useful

I hope everyone else is doing well x

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi cupcake. I am also testing 3 times a day with ICs but nothing as yet. I think I am 10dpo but I am never sure if you count 1dpo as the day you get a positive opk or whether it would be a day or so after the positive opk. I feel pretty rubbish to be honest. My SIL is pregnant and is only one week ahead of where I should be and I saw her at the weekend with a lovely bump and I'm very happy for her but feel so down and deflated for myself.

 

[cupcake23]

Aww jchihauhua, it's tough, it's been a strange day for me, thinking of what should have been, doesn't do the soul any good but I just don't know how to actually feel sometimes, I have good days, but the rest of the time the overall feeling is numbness, like I'm just pretending to be my old self, the problem with that is that none of us will be our old selves, always a tinge of sadness.

I was trying not to pin all hopes on this cycle but I've been caught up in it all, I don't know how I'm going to be if af shows up.

Here's hoping we starting seeing some lines xxx