OMG where to start, July 2009-- ow ow constipated again! grrrrr, oh well, hmm feel flu like maybe its the bites of them mites i got making me feel ill? So any how everything hurts sweating (unusual for me?). August Period 2 days late hmmmmm got a positive result arghhhh shock to the system i didnt have the flu i was pregnant unplanned but wanted but what a shock.. I paninked i smoked 20 a day always wanted to quit before trying for a baby so cold turkey no help just stoped incidently the day of my dads memory (died 3 yrs prior to lung cancer symbolic!) went on holiday no smoking no alchol forced healthy food down me tried to get over the shock. Return from holiday go to drs about swelling and pains-- constipated oh dear! fybergel added. plus sent for early scan to check all o.k Scan all o.k about 7-8 weeks pregnant. so any how september comes and i feel sick omg do i feel sick yuk wow damm these hormones--- then it starts 3 weeks worth tail bone pressure and pain what the hell my ligaments softening this early! my gums were bleeding i felt ill, i know pregancy is not an illness but i had quit smoking changed my diet and yet i felt really unwell. Then it came towards the end of september pink spotting went to A & E dr said hmm well yeah it can be normal we will bring your 12 week scan forward to check. went to gps next day as bleeding got heavier-- he examined me and said to just wait for scan. threatend miscarage.. Then scan as i suspected no baby , baby had died between 8-11 weeks and partially been reabsorbed into sac! So paink mode again home choices choices gave it 2 days and decided to go for medical management as natural could take forever and i was in a lot of pain and discomfort. September end medical managment hell on earth bled very heavy they could say weather id passed it all or not just a complete mis managment e.t.c went home exhausted 2 days later the bleeding started agian super heavy passed another massive clot arghhhhh! continued to bleed for 3 weeks on and off started trying to fell better but still didnt feel right was still testing positive for 4 weeks after. Got a uti 3 weeks after medical management then had alergic reation to antibiotic grrrr more set backs. so any how went to drs with stomach pain was refered for a scan just to check kidneys and things 6 weeks away. i was happy with that. just had a feeling there was something wrong still though. so any how started bleeding again 6 weeks post medical managed end of october again went to a & e and they said hmm well you are testing neg so likley your period i m like no this is not a period!!!!! so they book me a scan as precaution for a week away!!!!! So the scan November 7th OMG need emergancy ERPC!!!!! THE ONE THING I WANTED TO AVOID ARGHHHHH! Admited to hosp and yet agin a simple procedure for me kept me in hospital for the entire weekend! So back home again right oh shit gp out suspected pullmonary edema arghhh all was o.k though. so end of week back to gp more pan still gp like your in too much pain for an erpc???? back to a & e ECG done ehhh nothing wrong with my chest they sent me away said give it time its been a long dragged out ordeal. O.k so im like right get on with things then this time its over lets move on get healthy! But the pains persisted-- i thought i was going mad between medical and erpc but this time i thought i really was going mad and imagining pains???? started to doubt myself again... had a rescan at epu to confirm all tissue gone to reassure me and they confirmend it so i knew that wasnt the cause of my pains.. so then came first period 3 weeks after erpc wow painfull heavy weird emotional blur yuk! off sick again dizzy e.t.c had scan on kidneys and things start of december and the dr ssaid hmm couple of cysts on your spleen incidental finding.. so any how im still in pain and await to see gp for results of the scan and the cysts.. Monday this week comes and i can wait no more so i call drs abt pains to get apt go from work dr says hmmmmm off to hospital lets admit you and rule things out like crohns and the pathology of the cysts as you have pain in that area!!! Oh crap im like please no more surgery no more hospital ive had enough really! I just got discharged today after 4 nights! My splenic cysts are fine just to be checked again in 6 mths to check for growth. My bloods as always are all normal !(theyve been tested so many times due to my continuos pleas for help). They xrayd my stomach and found that i was compacted with crap from top to bottom!! They say its been building for years and years! no wonder i felt ill. So spare you all the TMIs after some super powerfull laxitives and treatments i still didnt get anything more than (overflow). so im back home with the same pains and discomfort but at least i can eat a littl now made some room lol! have to go back as outpatient for further tests. to rule anything nasty out, they told me to keep going with the laxs yuk! So anyhow, in amongst all of this i lost my baby ive been to hell and back thought i was actually having a mental breakdown! Noww i feel relieved i dont mind the pain in stomach and tailbone its annoying but i know whats causing it i know what to do to keep on top of it or to try and fix it and untill they tell me otherwise i assume i just have a very lazy bowl!!!! clearly my body doesnt like giving things up once there in babys included! So i am sad about my loss but my angel baby gave me some gifts Sense of perspective you think your ill then you spend 4 nights on a ward with sick people!! I quit smoking! I know about these cysts on my spleen and they can be moonitered on the off chance. I have suffered for years with my bowls but never realised the seriounos of my problem and now i do and im being looked at and helped where needed. And in my mind Bevan was never meant to be born cause Bevan was about putting there mam back to good health physically and mentally! I never got over the death of my Dad i never dealt with alot of things i was running runing and now iam awake lights are on no longer confused and just feel uplifted ( very drained with a soar backside!) So in all 5 months of hell with more tests and invasive prods to endure im past the point of embarsment or reluctance to hand over control and put my trust in others! I am still a stuborn shit and do want to know everything inside and out but im willing to try and take a chill pill and go with the flow for once. So thank you all for reading and your supprt along the way in my many posts of despair at moments of despratness. I wish you all luck in your own suffering to find a happy outcome.