My mother hates me. Any young moms out there with advice??

[motherearth23]

Okay, so I was baking gingerbread with my mom tonight. Everything was fine. I am nearly 11 weeks pregnant, and have been keeping it a secret up until now. Only me, my boyfriend, and a few close girlfriends know.
My mom was talking about how she hasn't been getting along with her boyfriend's daughter lately, and then she made a comment about how she doesn't want to deal with children until I have children of my own for her to spoil. This puts a big smile on my face, and then her smile fades and she's like "you're not pregnant, right?". I was going to lie, because I knew she would react badly. But instead I start crying and run upstairs. Anyways, she basically makes me feel horrible about it for an hour... telling me I'm in no position to raise a child and that it would be selfish of me to bring a child into the world. She tells me a million times in a row that she wants me to think seriously about getting rid of it, and offers to pay for it, even tomorrow (Christmas eve... really??). But I definitely don't want to talk about the "A" it is not an option for me. Anyways I'm just so mad and upset because I knew she would react this way. She was so unsympathetic and horrible and I have no idea what to do. She says she can't afford to help me or give me a place at her home. I live with my boyfriend, but he lost his job in September and I've been paying rent and asking for financial help with car insurance and student loan payment from my family. I'll be 20 years old in March, my baby is due in July.

I just need to know how you girls stayed strong, and also how I can figure out how to afford this. I know I will probably have to get on government aid but I don't know where to start. I need any advice!!!! I just need someone to be on my side and tell me things will work out, and not that I am a mistake waiting to happen. I'm so upset with my mother right now. I don't know who else to turn to. Help please.

 

[lizmageeful]

Im so sorry about your mom taking it that way My boyfriends parents acted like that when they found out, even kicked him out of the house. Ive found you just have to find stability in the people who you know are there for you, whether it be your OH or your friends or an aunt or uncle you were close with. I wish I could help more on the financial side of it, but I'm in a slightly different situation (my OH is going into the military, and I will be living at home until we move onto the base, where housing costs are cheaper.)

 

[motherearth23]

Im so sorry about your mom taking it that way My boyfriends parents acted like that when they found out, even kicked him out of the house. Ive found you just have to find stability in the people who you know are there for you, whether it be your OH or your friends or an aunt or uncle you were close with. I wish I could help more on the financial side of it, but I'm in a slightly different situation (my OH is going into the military, and I will be living at home until we move onto the base, where housing costs are cheaper.)

My boyfriend says he is considering joining the Air National Guard, but he is worried about being gone 2 months for basic training. He doesn't want to miss our baby's first kicks.
Did you guys get married or are you considering it to get more military benefits? Or if not.... do you and your child still get benefits like health care from your boyfriend's military career? I'm very curious about how that works.

And I am looking forward to tell my Dad and his parents. My nan had my dad when she was 16. And my dad had his son when he was 18/19. I know they will be supportive, but they live thousands of miles away and I want to tell them in person. I didn't want to tell my mom at all, i'm so upset with how she reacted. but I am pretty strong, and he words just made me even more sure of how much I want this baby. I'm currently majoring in Early Childhood Education, so I am looking forward to parenting and providing care for my child! I just need to find a way to support us so I can do that. I've heard the military can be a great option for moms who want to stay at home and dads who don't mind working hard to support the family.

 

[bsd]

I'm so sorry your mom is acting like that! Don't you hate it when you feel like you act more responsibly than your parents? I'm sorry to say that theres not much you can do about her actions :/ we can't change people. But she will come around eventually!
And financially its tough.. the only advice I could give on that is have your OH get a job and save as much money as you can! Maybe you can get help with food stamps or wic those are great programs and any little bit will help! Theres a website you can go to and fill out a bunch of questions and it'll tell you what you're electable for. I don't know the website but go to google and type in your state and government help or even just food stamps I'm sure you'll find it.
Things will always work out no matter how impossible they seem now! Trust me I didn't even know where I was going to live by the time I had LO, had no idea how I was going to afford the $2500 worth of baby stuff.
BUT here I am a day before my due date and 100% prepared (well physically anyway).

Try not to stress! Things will fall into place!!
And congrats on your pregnancy by the way! I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months

My name is Brittany I'm 20 and pregnant with my first! You can PM me any time you need to I promise it'll get easier!!

 

[lizmageeful]

Im so sorry about your mom taking it that way My boyfriends parents acted like that when they found out, even kicked him out of the house. Ive found you just have to find stability in the people who you know are there for you, whether it be your OH or your friends or an aunt or uncle you were close with. I wish I could help more on the financial side of it, but I'm in a slightly different situation (my OH is going into the military, and I will be living at home until we move onto the base, where housing costs are cheaper.)

My boyfriend says he is considering joining the Air National Guard, but he is worried about being gone 2 months for basic training. He doesn't want to miss our baby's first kicks.
Did you guys get married or are you considering it to get more military benefits? Or if not.... do you and your child still get benefits like health care from your boyfriend's military career? I'm very curious about how that works.

And I am looking forward to tell my Dad and his parents. My nan had my dad when she was 16. And my dad had his son when he was 18/19. I know they will be supportive, but they live thousands of miles away and I want to tell them in person. I didn't want to tell my mom at all, i'm so upset with how she reacted. but I am pretty strong, and he words just made me even more sure of how much I want this baby. I'm currently majoring in Early Childhood Education, so I am looking forward to parenting and providing care for my child! I just need to find a way to support us so I can do that. I've heard the military can be a great option for moms who want to stay at home and dads who don't mind working hard to support the family.

We are currently debating the option of marriage. We would have to get married if I want to live on base, because they dont allow family housing for live in girlfriends. He will be leaving for basic training/AIT when Dash is 2 months old, and he will be doing it through OUST so it would be for around 14 weeks or so. But, were not sure we are ready for marriage. I know, sounds weird cause were having a kid and everything, but, were young and we havent been dating long. The baby would get benefits, as long as we provide a valid birth certificate with Trev listed as the father, but I would not if we werent married, and we wouldnt even be able to get very much housing allowance to live off base eventually if we arnt married. :/ So, marriage is SERIOUSLY in the cards, and probably sooner rather than later, just so we can make ends meet.

 

[jozylynn896]

I'm so sorry
Find a wic office and you have to take your social security card, proof of household income proof of where you live (and something else sorry I forgot). You also gotta go to the clinic and get a referall "they'll fill out the paper and you take it to the wic office)

 

[Katherine1213]

Im dealing with somewhat of the same situation. I just found out thursday that I am about 6-7 weeks pregnant. I was so scared to tell my mom, but I did...and when I did she told me that I need to abort my baby, and that`ll ruin my life. It won't ruin my life, it'll change it, you know? I need advice too!

 

[dickybird]

You don't need here- I can't give you much advice about support available to you as I am in the UK but there will be support available. If she comes round, she comes round. If not- it is her loss. Exactly what I told my parents when I told them- naturally weren't happy their 15 year old daughter was pregnant (and with twins!) but I was going to make my own decisions about what to do.

I am pregnant again and I honestly don't know how they will take it- but again, I will be leaving it up to them to make their decisions just like I have to make my own.

 

[x__amour]

I'm so sorry sweetie. Give it time.

 

[Laurhilou]

My mum didn't take it easily when i first told her but after a week she chilled and now shes so excited. She realises ive not messed my life up, me and OH now live together, and support our selfs financially, Im still at university and doing really well... So she's eating her words

 

[Pheonixsmummy]

I'm currently going through (also have had this happen before) the same thing! Except my mother had my oldest half sister when she was 16, which makes me even more angry. She's been nothing but rude, then again, that's been her my whole life. She's a very unsupportive woman and will do anything to downgrade you. Also with my last pregnancy, my ex's mother did nothing but scream at me and him until me and him were both into tears, and surprisingly she turned out to be a young mom as well. We were forced into a decision we didn't want and it ruined our relationship.

The best thing to do is to not let her get to you, I've wasted a lot of time letting that happen. It's your baby and life, not hers. Do what's best for you and find the support you need. And if you'd like, you can PM me anytime to talk!

 

[motherearth23]

I'm currently going through (also have had this happen before) the same thing! Except my mother had my oldest half sister when she was 16, which makes me even more angry. She's been nothing but rude, then again, that's been her my whole life. She's a very unsupportive woman and will do anything to downgrade you. Also with my last pregnancy, my ex's mother did nothing but scream at me and him until me and him were both into tears, and surprisingly she turned out to be a young mom as well. We were forced into a decision we didn't want and it ruined our relationship.

The best thing to do is to not let her get to you, I've wasted a lot of time letting that happen. It's your baby and life, not hers. Do what's best for you and find the support you need. And if you'd like, you can PM me anytime to talk!

ugh, what a nightmare! i'm so sorry you had to go through that. my mother has actually surprised me a lot in the past few weeks. after she had some time to calm down, she has agreed to support my decision.i can't believe i am already 13 weeks!! i have told my father and my stepmother, as well as my grandmother. so far the reactions have been negative at first... then slowly they accept the news. my grandmother wants to even help me get a bigger apartment! i had to politely say no to that, i could never owe her a debt like that (her paying me extra rent for months in a row). i asked her instead to help me with baby supplies, or by perhaps paying for my childbirth education class instead.

i am surprised by how my family (besides my mother) didn't take very long to accept my news with an open heart. i am very grateful that i do not have to do this all on my own. now, OH just needs to get a job and his life together. then things will definitely be moving in the right direction.