my rant....

[myangel167]

So, maybe I'm just being dumb, but sometimes my husband talks about wanting to be a dad, and things he will do with our future kids, etc... and it makes me so happy/excited.

I know he wants to wait at least a year or so. maybe even up to 3 more years. BUT! randomly the other day his mom mentioned that him and i will be great parents and he said, "Nah, we aren't planning on ever having kids. We can just borrow our nieces and nephews if we ever feel like being parents"

Okay, so I was thinking he was just saying that in front of his mom for some reason....but later when I brought it up. He said that he was being honest and thats how he feels lately, and it made me super sad. I'm not asking for a baby now...even though I would love one. But him saying NO for the future really hurt me. I know things can change, so I shouldnt worry too much, but it still bums me out. I was thinking maybe he is saying that thinking that it will make me stop wanting a baby??

A little side note-I dont talk to him much about my baby fever. I dont want to freak him out with it. As much as I want a baby, I know its not the best timing right now, and I am willing to wait. So I'm not sure if he knows that my feelings are hurt by him saying that he never wants kids.

and another thing, if that really is how he feels, and he plans on sticking to that. I dont know what I'll do. I sorta feel destined to be a mom someday. I'm 25, and he is 27. this is the first ive heard of him absolutely NOT wanting children., and we have been together 6 years. (as of today, actually!) I love him to death, and I hope he is just going through some type of phase or something.

 

[Bumblebee2408]

Hi myangel,

Didn't want to r&r hun. I had a similar thing with my partner. I sat down and explained to him a few years ago I didn't want or expect a baby there and then but that having children was an important part of my life and that wasn't going to change and asked how he felt about that.

We then had a deep discussion about why he was unsure and over the coming months he decided of his own accord that he was ready and now can't wait.

I know discussing his fears about becoming a dad really helped him as he was worrying about supporting us, finances etc

I hope this helps xx

 

[RaspberryK]

I do think a long and in depth discussion is in order.
I think it's especially unfair of him to indicate that having children was in the cards just in the future and then decide that you guys would never be having them.
Without telling you directly but telling his mum. I'd be angry and upset.
This is one of those things that should be agreed on before marriage in my opinion as it's unfair on the partner to suddenly announce this after you've agreed to be life partners.
It's a complete deal breaker for me and I'd have felt I'd been cheated out of 6 years of my childbearing years wasted with a man who doesn't want to have children with me.
Dh knew early on that no children= no me and had he tricked me into marriage and later said no id be straight out the door faster than shit off a shovel.
Xx

 

[Rei]

Like RaspberryK said. You need to have a sit down talk with him. My husband when we first met didn't want children at all but knew that I really did. So he agreed to having one child. However now it's a matter if when and every time I think we are ready there is always a stipulation. He even admitted to trying to hold off till after I was 30 which was a hell no in my book. So after a long talk it's probably gonna end up next year. But I had to talk about it.

 

[myangel167]

thank you for your responses. I def plan on taking your advice and just telling him the truth and having a serious discussion about this. I would like to have my first baby around the time when I'm 28(or sooner!), and second around 30. (im aware this kid of thing does not always go as planned....but this is sorta what Im dreaming about. lol)