my son is 16 & has pinched a few times what to do please help

[violet 73]

hi my name is violet i have 4 kids my 2nd oldest is 16 & very hard work he is stollen from us a few times tenners her & there & £20 before to but once he pinches he will go months before doing it again , but this time we had £300 saved towards our credit card payment & i noticed £50 had gone didn,t say anything then another £30 had gone missing when i went to get the money ,after having a talk to him & finding a receipt for swimming goggles when we knew he had no money he finally owned up , but not sure what to do with him , he had a ipad back in feb for his birthday hubby says that we take that off him & not let him have it back but why do i feel so guilty violet

 

[Vonnie18]

I would say you make him pay back what he has taken! Does he have a part time job? Do you give him pocket money each week?
I take it having a honest and open chat with him hasn't helped?

Sorry not much help really x

 

[seoj]

Do you know why he's done this? Did he explain himself or just fess up and leave it at that? There must be an underlying reason he would steal form anyone, let alone his parents. Maybe sit down and see if you can get to the root of the issue... regardless, there should be consequence for his behavior. No reason to feel guilty for punishing him for something he did wrong. If not, he may not get the point and just do it again???

Personally, I would make him pay back the money. If he doesn't currently have a job, then he needs to get one or do part time work or chores or some way of making up for the money he took. As well, taking away the iPad might be good. Sometimes kids need things they are attached to taken away to fully understand what they did is not ok. My SD had a cell phone and we learned real quick that is was her "life line"- so we could lock it as punishment... and truly, it didn't take long before she learned a good lesson. I can't recall the last time we needed to do that?

Best of luck hun!!! Just do what you and your husband are comfy with.

 

[Freya]

Working with teens who get into trouble like this, I wonder if I can ask you if he may be needing the extra money for a reason? Owing money, or maybe spending on alcohol or dare I mention cannabis? I agree the root cause coud do with exploring. It could simply be wanting money to buy the things he craves.

You and your family need to do what feels right. I feel children and teens need boundaries to help them know where they stand and to feel secure, don't be afraid to show your son his actions will have a consequence in your home. In the real world he will be accountable when he enters it, so you're helping him to understand how life works.

Xxx

 

[violet 73]

found out that he smokes i think thats why he was taking the money he is almost 17 so we decided to buy him a small pouch of tabacco a week for him to stop him from piniching not everyone agrees with this though just don,t know what else to do

 

[alicecooper]

I'd be taking the ipad off him to be honest. And no I wouldn't feel guilty about it. He's 16 not 6, he has to realise that doing something as serious as stealing has consequences.

 

[suzib76]

At 16 years old I would go for a quick sharp shock. No chances

Take his iPad. Sell it to get your money back.

 

[Mummy2B21]

Oh dear why are you feeling guilty, you need to discipline him not feel guilty. I agree with the post above, stealing is not acceptable and he needs to learn that.

 

[hypnorm]

Certainly wouldn't be buying him tobacco! Make him pay it back if he wants tobacco he should get a part time job.

 

[lozzy21]

In all honesty i would ring the police and let them deal with him. Hes 16, an adult, hes old enough to deal with the consequences.

I certainly would not be buying him tabacco, if he wants to smoke then he needs to go out there and do what every one else does, get a job to pay for it. All your doing is teaching him that he can seal your money and get fags bought for him.

 

[fidgets mammy]

Oh god. I dont have a 16yr old but i can understand u feeling giulty. Yr his mum. I would stop buyin his tobacco tho. If hewants it-get a part time job n earn the money to pay fir it. He has to learn that he cantjust take or have it handed to him. Id give hima few incentives to pay it back. I.e, hoover the house, earn a fiver etc. He'll.soon learn not to take fron others

 

[Eleanor ace]

To be honest I would call the police. He is far too old to be stealing and not understand that its wrong and I'd be worried about where this will go if it isn't nipped in the bud.

 

[Chloe.E]

I am 16 myself, would never dream of stealing off my Mum, if I did I'd expect her to kick me out (if I didn't have a baby of corse)
Threaten him with it, if you still buy him backy, make him do something for it/make him pay for it.
If you smoke yourself, keep fags with you at all times, or they will get taken too.

 

[ellismum]

In all honesty i would ring the police and let them deal with him. Hes 16, an adult, hes old enough to deal with the consequences.

I certainly would not be buying him tabacco, if he wants to smoke then he needs to go out there and do what every one else does, get a job to pay for it. All your doing is teaching him that he can seal your money and get fags bought for him.

Completely agree with this. You are rewarding his stealing with buying him baccy and he doesn't need to pay back the money he stole! What message are you sending him? I was smoking at 16 but I had a p/t job and paid for it myself.

I would never dream if stealing from anyone, let alone my parents. In a civilised society it is wrong and unacceptable and meet with punishment.