N
nicholatmn
Guest
As some of you know (most who talk to me regularly), that my very first pregnancy was at 14 years of age. I wasn't sexually active, and it was with a previous boyfriend. How? Let's just say the guy did not know what "no" meant. Anyway, after that incident, I had gone to the hospital, and basically had my uterus scraped to make sure nothing implanted. I got my period every month after that. Nothing more to that, but the emotional healing.
A couple of months later, I was laying in bed and felt slight movements. It felt like gas, only I wasn't passing any gas. It took a few weeks, but I finally managed to get an appointment with the doctors. Sure enough, there was a little baby in there. I was between 18 - 20 weeks. They weren't quite sure, but told me 20 just to be safe. Also, the sonographer told me it was a little girl (she had no idea of my story). Honestly, I wanted to keep her. She was my daughter. I knew what happened to create her, but the fact that after all of that, she still implanted and was depending on me to survive.
Literally, without any exaggeration... I was the only one who wanted me to keep her. Everyone else told me to give her up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I got so attached to her. I talked to her and always rubbed my belly. Everything I did, it seemed to rotate around her. I cherished every moment knowing that I could not keep her.
We found an adoption agency who wasn't very keen on me giving her up for adoption since they could tell I wanted to keep her. So we had to find another agency.
We finally found one and a month later, found this amazing couple who really wanted a baby. To be honest, I didn't want to give her to them. I still wanted to keep this baby, but I knew that the only way for her to have a great life was to give her up. So we agreed. Closed adoption. I could find out her first name, but not her last name.
So the day came and I was ready to deliver the baby... most women would be so excited and ready for their baby. I was devestated. This would be the last time I ever got to be with this child.
The labor came, and the labor went. The doctors took the baby away. I didn't get to look at her. I'm not sure quite what happened, but I agreed to not looking at her even though I wanted to. I figured it would make it much harder to give her up.
I found out her name. It was Hayleigh. It was the prettiest name I've ever heard and was so happy to have given life to a little girl named Hayleigh for this couple.
6 years later, here I am. Expecting my first child, a little girl as well. Actually, it was the pregnancy with Hayleigh that helped me have the courage and strength to try for this one. I had suffered 3 MC's and my only motivation was that if I could have one healthy pregnancy, why not another?
Sorry if I didn't give enough information or if I left out details. This forum is kind of blank and I wasn't quite sure if I could post this here. Just know that I'm here for anyone who is seriously considering adoption.
xx
A couple of months later, I was laying in bed and felt slight movements. It felt like gas, only I wasn't passing any gas. It took a few weeks, but I finally managed to get an appointment with the doctors. Sure enough, there was a little baby in there. I was between 18 - 20 weeks. They weren't quite sure, but told me 20 just to be safe. Also, the sonographer told me it was a little girl (she had no idea of my story). Honestly, I wanted to keep her. She was my daughter. I knew what happened to create her, but the fact that after all of that, she still implanted and was depending on me to survive.
Literally, without any exaggeration... I was the only one who wanted me to keep her. Everyone else told me to give her up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I got so attached to her. I talked to her and always rubbed my belly. Everything I did, it seemed to rotate around her. I cherished every moment knowing that I could not keep her.
We found an adoption agency who wasn't very keen on me giving her up for adoption since they could tell I wanted to keep her. So we had to find another agency.
We finally found one and a month later, found this amazing couple who really wanted a baby. To be honest, I didn't want to give her to them. I still wanted to keep this baby, but I knew that the only way for her to have a great life was to give her up. So we agreed. Closed adoption. I could find out her first name, but not her last name.
So the day came and I was ready to deliver the baby... most women would be so excited and ready for their baby. I was devestated. This would be the last time I ever got to be with this child.
The labor came, and the labor went. The doctors took the baby away. I didn't get to look at her. I'm not sure quite what happened, but I agreed to not looking at her even though I wanted to. I figured it would make it much harder to give her up.
I found out her name. It was Hayleigh. It was the prettiest name I've ever heard and was so happy to have given life to a little girl named Hayleigh for this couple.
6 years later, here I am. Expecting my first child, a little girl as well. Actually, it was the pregnancy with Hayleigh that helped me have the courage and strength to try for this one. I had suffered 3 MC's and my only motivation was that if I could have one healthy pregnancy, why not another?
Sorry if I didn't give enough information or if I left out details. This forum is kind of blank and I wasn't quite sure if I could post this here. Just know that I'm here for anyone who is seriously considering adoption.
xx
, you know? xx
xxx
