My Story

[Bleach]

I'm 18 years old and I guess I've just been really worried about how things could be. I came on here because I didn't want to be judge or ridiculed and I need to tell someone my story. My girlfriend is 16 and we've been dating for 8 months now. She is the most amazing girl I have ever been with and I always love being around her. We started having sex a little early, around 2 months, but she is the most amazing girl and she had a condom.

Anyway, flash forward to 8 months later. Now I've had sex with two other girls in my life time, one of which was my first time which lasted all about 15 second tops. The other happened to be on birth control and it wasn't a real worry that she would get pregnant. With me and my girlfriend now it's the first time I've had to really worry and I guess I just get caught up in the mood. So a lot of times I would have sex with her and not use a condom, of course I wouldn't ejaculate in her, but pull out.

I've been worrying lately because she can't remember when she last had her period. She doesn't think she had it last month and she hasn't had it this month. Although a lot has been going on. Last month she found out she was moving and she started work. This month her mother announced that she was going to try and have another child and we've been getting into arugements on and off she also started a Tia Kwon Doe class and has been going there almost every other day. I've read stories about girls who miss their periods for 2-3 months and aren't pregnant, but the obvious reason would be that she is.

I love this girl to death and I actually wouldn't mind being a father. But like any father I want my kid to grow up having something. I don't want to be working barely being able to afford the costs of feeding my child. But I don't think I could ever be comfortable with the idea of abortion. I really do love this girl and I've been talking to her a lot about it. She doesn't feel any different, she says she looked up all the signs and she didn't have any of them, but part of me still worries. I mean, her parents will kill me or she'll be killed by them if she is pregnant. They're very strict and she has often told me stories of them hitting her and even drawing knifes and such at her, which is no way to treat anyone.

I want for us to have a pregnancy test and for her to take it but its hard to do that stuff privately. Also, I wanted to know other people's opinions or advice. Right now I can't sleep and I'm just running through every scenario in my head. I love this girl and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but her having a baby at 16 and me being 18 and still not having a job or a driver's license aren't very good steps in being a responsible adult. I honestly don't think I would be ready for the blessing as a child.

What should I do? How should I feel? What if she is pregnant?

 

[Bleach]

I don't know if this is in the right section, I just really could use some help...

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Don't start worrying yet. All she can do is a pregnancy test!!

 

[Bleach]

Don't start worrying yet. All she can do is a pregnancy test!!

I've always been a worry wart.

Thank you, I'll try to have her agree to take one shortly. I just wanted this to be a moment of pure bliss instead of something being afraid of. Having a child is such a blessing, but I want it at the right time.

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Yes, But remember she may feel differently. And its best to know whether she is or not first before talking about what your going to do etc.

The withdrawel method isn't a reliable use of 'contreception'.

Your both still very young, So Id really advice that one of you starts to use contreception before having sex again.

You may really love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, But remember you've got all the time in the world to have a baby.

Xx

 

[nightkd]

Hiya, no point worrying yet. I've heard stories of girls not getting their periods because they start doing regular excercise etc and of course stress can delay periods...so it could be something simple like this.

As for what you should do; a pregnancy test is of course the best option. Otherwise you'll never know for sure....well until she starts showing or goes into labour!!! If you're worried about buying from a shop (eg being recognised etc) you could always get some off of ebay or something (they're a lot cheaper and I always have a stash just incase).

Have you discussed what you would do if she were pregnant? Eg would she want to keep the baby?

It's really not worth stressing over until she does a pregnancy test, then you can both make an informed decision instead of all the "what if's". We've been using the withdrawal method for a long while and although it's not all that reliable, I haven't gotten pregnant from it, so chances are somewhat slim (but obviously still there-especially if you pull out late).

Maybe discuss with your GF about getting herself onto some contraception after she's done a pregnancy test (if it's negative) there are different options other than the pill...which can be forgotten...or condoms...which can break and be uncomfortable etc. Eg the implant etc etc. Just to save you stress in the future.

Good luck.

xxx

 

[Jemma_x]

I know your going to worry but the worse thing you can do is worry, all i can say is get you gf to take a test and think about another form of contraception if she isnt pregnant

 

[cupcake]

you sound like a very sweet and supportive guy so firstly well done for being so caring and treating your GF so well. The best thing you can do is take a home pregnancy test. If she has had a lot on her mind and has been doing a lot of physical exercise those are very good reasons for missing a period. If you dont mind me saying so if you are going to have sex you should really use a reliable form of birth control, the withdrawal method is not reliable. There is no point in getting too worried right now, let her take the test and you will have an immediate answer. Then if it is positive you can talk about your options. We are here to support you. If i can also suggest dont buy a really cheap test as they can sometimes have evaporation lines and be misleading. So get something reliable, there are also digital tests out there that say pregnant if you are but they may be expensive. Follow the instructions exactly on the test too so you dont have any extra worries that you didnt do it right. Best of luck to you.

 

[nikky0907]

She really needs to do a pregnancy test.If she can't afford,she can go to a planned parenthood or free clinic where they'll do it.

I'm glad to see you'll be supportive of her decision no matter what.
It's normal that you're afraid,it's really scary at first but I'm sure you two will figure out a way for yourselves.

It's not something you plan but it happens and you have to deal with it the best you can.

Good luck!
And I'm sure you agree that this stress isn't something you want to get through again and either be really careful with condoms or she can go on birth control.There's really a variety of it out there...

xxx

 

[polo_princess]

I agree, definatley get her to take a test. It will clear the situation up one way or another and then at least you'll be prepared to cross whatever bridge you come to.

Good luck!!

 

[Bleach]

First of all thank you for everyone's replies. It means a lot to be getting advice from the right kind of people. I can't really go around telling people I know yet because I know my girlfriend would not be comfortable with people knowing. I've never been "late" on "pulling out", that sounds so rude, but I can't recall a time when I've ever ejaculated inside of her. I really don't think I was being totally careless when we made the decision to be intimate, it's one of these things where I wouldn't be able to pin point when she could have possibly gotten pregnant.

I've been talking about it a lot with my girlfriend and she has the whole list of what ifs, but being able to talk with people has made me a little more worry free and able to help her deal with the possibility. Her being stressed out definitely isn't going to help things so being able to be the little bit of happiness of the two of us is very refreshing. If she is pregnant she has always told me that she wants to keep the baby and I totally understand and respect her decision. As thinking of how the baby is a little part of me is an out of this world thought.

I discussed the test with her and she wants to take it but she doesn't want her parents finding out. She said she would take it with her friend, but I would want her to take it with me. I mean, I would want to be there when she finds out. That is something that is a huge question to have answered and either way it's going to be filled with a ton of emotion and I would want to support and be there for her if I could be.

 

[Sarah-Jane]

First of all, great album!
But now the the serious matter... you seem like you've got your head screwed on and apart from not always using contraception (which many people don't always do) you seem very responsible and seem to be taking all this very seriously (sorry if that sounded patronising hun, it didn't mean to)
When I found out I was pregnant, the only thing that made me test was because I missed a period... I had no symptoms like morning sickness or anything and still haven't had any at all, so all I can advise really is for her to take a test. You can both go to the doctors together for a blood test to find out for definite, or take a home pregnancy test like others have advised. It may be nothing to worry about because at the age of 16, a girls periods are always up and down and hardly ever consistent depending on the person. Either way, if she isn't pregnant, then I'd still suggest she goes to the docs to make sure nothing else is wrong for why she's missing her periods. If it is down to stress, then tell her to take a few days for herself, treat her to a meal, soak in the bath and a night in infront of her favourite film, quality time with her boyfriend may be all she needs I know any girl would love that hehe but please discuss her going on the pill or use another form of contraception, just to save you both from this worry in the future.
Good luck with everything hun xxx

 

[mrs.beanz]

If she is pregnant then you obviously were "late" pulling out. Being as it is your "equipment" I am sure you are aware that there is precum and pregnancy is a possiblity...slim maybe but still a possibility. I do agree that you do seem to have a good head on your shoulders...at least until your pants are down. Sorry to be harsh but you said you dont think you were careless and I have to say that it only takes a second to put a condom on, not only to stop an unwanted pregnancy but to protect each other against STD's...so careless????....both of you were.

 

[Bleach]

The only reason we didn't use a condom every time is that they are expensive for two people who don't have steady jobs. Although I realize that is no excuse. I know my actions have consequences and I wasn't really asking what I did wrong. I was more looking for some support seeing as something like this would be a hard time for anyone. It's a very emotional thing to go through in general, yet alone when you're young and have a million other things to worry about.

She was going to take the test today, she called but I told her I was busy. Which may have not been the right thing to do but last time she called this late her Dad grounded her. I would much rather be able to see her and be able to talk to her about this in person.

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Bleach, You and your girlfriend can get free condoms, from doctors, young peoples clinic etc.
And if she went onto another contraception such as the pill or implant then thats free anyway!
You should both discuss it with your doctor if she isnt pregnant.
Maybe give her a few days without talking about it atall, The stress that other people put on her is HUGE, and that could put her off even doing a test. So let her do it in her own time and deal with it in her own way.
Good Luck

 

[LilFlower08]

Well done on being so supportive, i think it's a bloody rarity these days to find a bloke who will genuinely express his love, fears and concerns with out any sort of back lash later on. i just didnt want to read and run so i thought id say well done you!! Hope all goes well and you will i am very sure work through whichever scenario without any hassle... x

 

[Bleach]

She took the test and she said they both turned out negative. The worry of her being pregnant isn't as huge now, but now I worry about why she hasn't had her period in two months. She took two tests yesterday, she bought a $12 test because the most expensive one was $30.

I did not know anything about free condoms, so that information is very helpful. Thank you for everyone's replies and all the support. I'll keep you guys updated if anything changes or anything else happens. You've been a blessing.

 

[dizzy65]

yeah just get her to take a pregnancy test. . .