My toddler hates structured activities - anyone else?

[Pielette]

I'm starting to realise that my eldest absolutely hates strucrured classes. We have been going to a gym class for about 6 months and at first he loved it. It's a really lovely class, the instructors are great with the kids. But lately he's been going into meltdown more and more often and I think it's because he wants to do his own thing and never wants to participate in the activities they set up or the circle time with songs and movement. He tries to drag me away from the circle and goes crazy when the instructors keep bringing him back.

I think I'm going to have to stop going because he's not getting anything out of it anymore. It's just such a shame because it's a lovely group. But I'm looking at all these toddlers happily enjoying circle time and participating and it upsets me that he won't join in and kicks off.

We started swimming lessons today. We were doing them and he loved them but we took a break because I had my second baby. Took him back today and he spent the half hour screaming because I wouldn't let him go off on his own in the pool.

I'm not really looking for advice because I'm pretty sure it's simply a case of wait for it to get better. Does anyone have a child like this? I feel like I'm surrounded by perfectly behaved angelic children who join in all the time!

He's such a little star the majority of the time, when these things happen he really goes crazy though.

 

[freckleonear]

My eldest was like this. He was always the child that wouldn't even sit still with the others at snack time at toddler groups. We just avoided structured groups like the plague because it was too stressful for both of us. He is fine now and has no problem with formal lessons and the like. I think groups often expect too much of toddlers, especially boys.

 

[OmarsMum]

How does he act around strangers in general? or in crowd?

Omar was the same especially after a long break from going to classes. I didn't stop going, what I did is enrolling more classes, he used to sit in the corner to watch, I didn't force him to join in & participate. He was fine earlier, it started at around 23 months. We didn't go from August until late October, when we started to go back to classes, he started to act up & ask to leave.

It was hit & miss. At 2 years he was great in quiet classes like arts & messy play, but he hated music & action classes. At 2.5 yrs we started to take him to gym & soccer classes & it was horrible.

When he was 3 we were still going to loads of classes but he was getting more stubborn. All 3+ kids were attending alone & having fun except my son. The manager advised me to drop him & leave. SO I did so. He cried for few mins then he was fine. He was like a different kid, he was participating & having fun. He cried for a min the next time & the 3rd time. The 4th time he asked me to leave. Since then we never looked back.

Sorry for the long post, I don't know if this helpful. Try to find a class that is quieter with less physical activities & see how it goes. Those classes might be too overwhelming for him xx

 

[MrsT&Ben]

We put our lo in to swimming classes when he was about 20 months and the first couple of lessons were ok. But it went down hill after that. I stopped taking him around 2 1/2 as he wasn't getting anything out of the lesson. He does go to nursery 4 mornings a week where of course they have structured play and he seems to get on much better with that kind of thing.
I think it may be a boy thing!

 

[Pielette]

Thank you both, it's nice to know there are others like him!

OmarsMum, he doesn't like strangers at all, or even people he sees occasionally. He's very attached to me and sticks to me like glue. Other people being around doesn't seem to bother him unless they try to interact with him - they usually get very short shrift!

I'm going to stop the gym class I think, just didn't expect to have this problem in a swimming class as well. I'm not sure if there's any link with noise/other people, he just mainly wants to run around like a lunatic and gets mad when circle time happens etc, and I can't explain to him that it will be 3 minutes and then he can go running off because he doesn't understand.

 

[BigAl]

Hmm yeah I stopped baby sensory because he wasn't interested in wat anyone else was doing. That was at 7m, now at 16m he still the kid the corner doing his own thing. Bit boring for me, but saves money. Keep trying though, I guess it's something they grow out of.

 

[hattiehippo]

Yep, Tom hated Jo Jingles and Gymboree classes and would have massive meltdowns.

He copes well with structured activities at nursery but I think it was just to much for him to cope with them on non nursery days too. He's not naturally a socialable or outgoing child and much prefers quiet activities with me like going to the supermarket!

 

[rosie272]

Charlie's not a toddler any more but when he does his dance class, I still have to sit on the side and he freaks out if I leave the room! But he really enjoys the class otherwise so I'm quite happy to sit in there for as long as it takes (it's been over a year now! ) He's starting swimming lessons in October and no parents allowed, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe you LO will settle back into it eventually?

 

[hulahoop09]

My lg is the same! Even baby massage when she was a couple of months old was a otal nightmare! We are going to our firsr stay and play tomorrow for the first time in ages and am sonnervous! She likes to be free to do her own thing, we even attempted baby ballet in april but after 1 lesson we knew it wasnt for her!

Xx

 

[aliss]

We've tried dozens of times in 3.5 years and I've either had to leave or been asked to leave. Doesn't happen!

 

[CertainTurton]

My DD is generally really sociable and confident however certain groups and really big noisy amounts of toddlers/parents can really cause her to get upset. I think they know/feel much more than we give them credit for sometimes. I know myself sometimes I go into a place and just feel its not for me and I think she must too. At first I used to persist with staying, you know they whole 'she will get used to it...' thing but now I really try to go by her cues. Often she will enjoy it for 30mins or so then start to point to the door or go to her pram and try to move it etc...she lets her self known even though she isnt very vocal yet. I believe its so important to validate her feelings/opinions even though I hate that I have to leave sometimes...very boring!

 

[annanouska]

Lets have a party for them all... Separate corners for all!!! I'm do glad it's not just us. Since he started crawling he just wants to explore and do his own thing. We start swimming tomorrow I will persevere as we have a lake outside and need him to be safe xxx

 

[Pielette]

Sounds like an excellent idea annanouska!

I started a new group with him this morning, it's a messy play group. So sand, water, painting, play doh and they can do whatever they want. He absolutely loved it! At the end the6 do songs and the instructor told me to just let him join in as and when he wanted to. He joined in a couple of songs and then played on his own for the rest.

Clearly I need to find groups more suited to him and this one was a winner. Plus he gets to do all of that and I don't have to clear up

 

[OmarsMum]

Yay! glad you found this group hun xx

 

[Clara85]

My ds1 is the same and it's a nightmare as every other child in each class is perfectly behaved. we have just stopped gym class after 2.3 years if going as he has got a little better but only for the 5 mins at the end and it just isn't worth the stress and upset ...., however he also does swimming and is very good at swim class and goes every week since he was 8 months old .

With my ds it's mostly worse because he's tired as wakes up anytime from 5 am so even finding. 9 or 10am classes he's shattered by that time good luck and glad to know its nt just me xxx

 

[lau86]

I don't take my LO to anything structured at the moment- I took him to a toddler sensory class and when he ran off from the songs to play on the soft play (which quite frankly who wouldn't want to do that) the leader made me go and get him back! So of course it turned j to a wonderful game for LO where he would run off and mummy would come and get him!!
No thanks.
We go to playgroup now where he will do his own thing apart from a bit of a sing at the end which he is usually happy to join in with

 

[annanouska]

I've actually cried so many times over this. I thought my ds was just "special" in some way as he just can't cope with them. He can't even do structured stuff much at home! If its too busy he hates it too like soft play on a weekend

I'm glad it isn't just me, I don't really have many friends so I liked classes as a time to get out ther but I'm back to being. Recluse

 

[Pielette]

That's what I really don't like lau, when the instructors insist on bringing them back constantly. They're obviously going to kick off when they're being taken away fron things they want to do and I think some of these places expect far too much of little ones. My boy isn't even 2 yet.

We went to another one this morning and it was nice and relaxed again, so I've found places that suit him.

Actually I read a really nice thing online about kids like this - they'll be strong willed, independent and won't follow the crowd. So that's got to be a good thing

 

[Laucu]

Both of mine are the same. Only now at nearly 4 will Emma sit, listen and join in with things! They both like to run around and do their own thing.

 

[Lady_Bee]

It's a shame they can't be more understanding and relaxed about it. That's just what many toddlers do! I take Alexander to a music class and the instructor is really brilliant and understands that sometimes the little ones want to wander off for a song or two and join in again when they're ready, and she emphasises that we should let them do that and not force them to participate in the way WE want them to. The classroom is babyproofed so it's a safe area... she says as long as they're not in any danger we should just let them be. It's supposed to be for them after all - they have to be allowed to experience it all on their own level and in their own time otherwise what is the point? If they are relaxed and enjoying the experience, even if it is from the outskirts occasionally, surely they will benefit far more.