N.o 3-cold feet

[twinklestar25]

We decided we would ttc n.o 3 after 2 years of thinking about it but I’m not sure, it’s mostly the age gap will now be 5.5 years between middle and youngest and 8.5 between eldest and youngest. I would of liked a 4yr gap between middle and youngest so I guess not a huge difference but I still feel it’s quite big.
I worry the youngest will be more like an only child, that it will be difficult to meet everyone’s wants with activities, days out, films etc
That the older 2 will eventually become teenagers and do their own thing and the youngest will be on their own.
I fear I will will things much harder for us all by adding a 3rd now. But the desire is so strong it’s so hard to resist going ahead, I have tried for the last 2 years! and now the gap is bigger and I still don’t know what to do!
Tried to resist going ahead because of the practical reasons need to extend the house, more expense, Nursery costs etc but I just can’t seem to settle and move past it.

The easiest thing would be to say no more but why is that so hard, this feeling seems to have become so much stronger the last few weeks, I feel I want to do it all again, always wanted a bigger family as I’ve never had it. 7 years between me and younger brother which is fine now but hard for me growing up, put on to babysit, brother was hard work etc I don’t want that for mine. Which is why I had them closer but not too close (3yr gap)
Am I just going against all my views by adding a 3rd now?

I think it would be ok for the first few years but what when they are 5, 10.5 13.5 etc I really want another but not so sure I want it if it’s going to be a lot harder, Will my kids benefit or be held back.

It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make

 

[Countrygirl13]

As a mum of one, I can only comment that it's not so bad to have a little one as an 'only child' in the house. Your third will surely benefit from having a busy family atmosphere when the older ones are about and also benefit from more of your time and experience when they are the only little one at home. Won't your older children also benefit from having a little one around? The responsibilities of being a 'big brother' and seeing/hearing you give simple messages about how to behave well and learn new things must also help them at their older stages of development.
You obviously need to weigh up all the pros and cons but this thought about expanding your family clearly hasn't gone away. None of us can really know what the exact challenges or dynamic are going to be when you add a fifth individual into the home- all you can do is go for it and hope for the best!

 

[twinklestar25]

Thanks for taking the time to reply it really helps. I think your right, I guess we make the best out of what we have x

 

[Missy08]

Stalking...I’m in the same boat. Our oldest is 9 and youngest is 4.5. I’ve had a nagging feeling for the past 2 years as well. It’s so hard to know what to do. The decisions for #1 and #2 were so easy and this one seems impossible!! I feel like I’m crazy to go ahead with 2 “older” children and the fact that I’m 32 but then the next second, I think “why not??”

 

[doggylover]

I don’t know if this will help, but the age difference between my sister (middle child) and me (youngest) is just shy of 5 years. We are extremely close, and I have so many fond memories of our childhood together. Yes, there were times when she was doing different things and I couldn’t join in, but mostly by the time she had reached those stages of teenage years, I had my own friends to do things with. I never felt our age gap was a problem.

 

[Missy08]

Thanks for replying doggylover! I noticed you have 3 kiddos! How did you find it going from a family of 4 to 5? That terrifies me!

Are you planning to have more?

 

[doggylover]

I just have two at the minute, no 3 is on the way later this year, all being well. So will have to get back to you on that one!!!

And I would like one more after this, but my husband thinks 3 is enough, so we would have to see.

Also, the age gap between my brother and I (he is the oldest) is 7 years, and I don’t have as many memories with him when I was little, but we are still close now, and see each other at least once a week. So I don’t think the age gap is the deciding factor in relationships, I think it’s personality, and the family values that are instilled. I know many with age gaps closer than me and my siblings who don’t get on at all.

 

[happycupcake]

It seems to me you clearly want another. I think you're overthinking and becoming too anxious about it. We have five between us and their ages are 16, 12, 9, 5 & 4. If I didn't have two step children then their ages would be 16, 5 & 4. My eldest is absolutely fab with the youngest two. He adores them as they do him too. We haven't had any issues re age gaps.
I think there are some really positive things about a wider age gap too like the older ones as they become older, learning responsibility and patience and how to tolerate younger children which is a good thing.
You'll always have ups and downs, the others will always get frustrated at times with the youngest but that's normal.
Don't live your life with regrets, if you want more then have more. It isn't going to damage your older children, if anything they'll probably be excited about having a new brother or sister

 

[Bumblebee24]

Stalking. Same situation but no.2 my little girls starts school this year so dependent on when/if we start trying 4-5year gap x

 

[Buttercupbabi]

Hey!

In the same boat although my kids would be 4&6 if i was to fall now!
The advantages would be that they would both be at school full time, which would mean more time spent with the baby! I didnt really have that with my 2nd DS because my 1st DS was only 2 at the time and needed a lot of attention too!

I can see the pros clearly but theres also the cons.... 3 children! I keep hearing how hard it is? But I cant help but wanting one so much, i've never been as broody as I am now!!!

Aaargh

xxx

 

[mrsmummy2]

In a very similar position here.. I currently have a 6 year old (just turned 6) and a 3 year old (who will be 4 in july). If I was to fall right now, there would be an almost 7 year gap between my eldest and baby, and a 4.5 year gap between middle and youngest. It does worry me as if baby was a girl, they would have to share a bedroom.... we don't have the funds to extend and it's not a huge bedroom.. so pretty tight squeeze with toys etc in their room.. plus say baby started sharing at 1 (not sure when we would move baby into the room, but for example) that's an 8 year old and a 1 year old...not exactly practical. And if baby was a boy, my sons room is too small to share, so he would have to move into my daughters room and share with baby, then my daughter would have to move into his box room (which i can't see her being overly happy with!!)
we started ttc last year.. then stopped after a mc. decided maybe it was the right thing to leave things as they are.. we have one of each.. maybe we should just be grateful for what we have and appreciate more space, less expense, etc. But I can't seem to shake off the feeling that we need to have just one more.