Name Pressure from Parents: A Rant

Discussion in 'Baby Names' started by Proserpina, Nov 26, 2019.

  1. Proserpina

    Proserpina Mother of Dragons

    Nov 16, 2012
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    So I'm the second of 5 children (ages 31 - 44), but two (oldest brother and middle brother) are developmentally disabled and will likely never have kids. The youngest brother (age 33) still lives in his childhood bedroom, hasn't had a serious relationship in almost a decade, and will probably never have kids. The youngest (my sister) is intelligent, attractive, has a successful career, and just got re-married but seems to not want kids.

    We also have 3 cousins who used to live next-door to us and are like siblings, ages 31 - 38. They were close to my mom. The oldest has two kids but had a ton of fertility issues and is going through a divorce, so unlikely to have more kids. The middle daughter is 36 but still lives with her parents and hasn't had a serious relationship in years. The youngest is happily married and has one son; no idea if he has plans for more kids.

    I named my first daughter "Harley Kaye," "Kaye" being my mother's middle name as well as my youngest sister's middle name (so something of an in-the-family name). My mother died of pancreatic cancer in 2008. When she was dying I asked her if she wanted me to name my next daughter "Karen" (her first name) and she said "no, you already honored me when you named Harley 'Kaye.'" My close female cousin also said she wanted to name her firstborn daughter after her aunt back in 2008, though 10 years later, it looks unlikely that she'll ever have kids.

    After an ugly divorce and wonderful re-marriage, I am now pregnant with my 3rd and last. Found out it was a girl last week via NIPS. As soon as my father found out it was a girl, he called me and began guilting me to name the baby "Karen" after my dead mother.

    Him: Your mother told me on her deathbed she wanted a granddaughter named "Karen"!
    Me: You have four other children and three close nieces/nephews! Tell someone else to make some babies!
    Him: No one else is having kids but you! [Youngest sister] says she doesn't want kids!
    Me: And that's my problem how?
    Him: This was your mother's dying wish! She wanted a little girl named "Karen"!
    Me: I asked her the same question and she said I already named a baby after her when I named Harley "Kaye" and I was good!

    I'm so annoyed with him. For the record, the baby will have my last name as a middle name and my husband's last name as a surname, so a middle name is not an option. Also, both of my husband's parents are dead and he really loved his mom, so I don't see why it should be "Karen" and not "Catherine."

    My two top name choices are "Lyra" (from the Golden Compass) and "Ada" (after Ada Lovelace). I loved my mother more than anything in this life other than my own daughter, but I just don't feel any obligation to name a baby after her and I think my dad needs to butt out. He had five kids; he got his baby names (most of them boring choices, IMO).

    Thanks for listening.
  2. robo123

    robo123 Well-Known Member

    Jun 11, 2010
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    You name your child what you and your husband would want.
    Why do families parents especially feel the need to guilt and pressure is to do what they want.
  3. MItoDC

    MItoDC Finally a mom!

    Jan 2, 2013
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    Oh man. That's so tough and it makes me thankful that I haven't received any name pressure. You definitely have to name her what you want. It sounds like you've already honored your mother in your eyes, and that's what's important!

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