Name Pressure from Parents: A Rant

Proserpina

Mother of Dragons
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So I'm the second of 5 children (ages 31 - 44), but two (oldest brother and middle brother) are developmentally disabled and will likely never have kids. The youngest brother (age 33) still lives in his childhood bedroom, hasn't had a serious relationship in almost a decade, and will probably never have kids. The youngest (my sister) is intelligent, attractive, has a successful career, and just got re-married but seems to not want kids.

We also have 3 cousins who used to live next-door to us and are like siblings, ages 31 - 38. They were close to my mom. The oldest has two kids but had a ton of fertility issues and is going through a divorce, so unlikely to have more kids. The middle daughter is 36 but still lives with her parents and hasn't had a serious relationship in years. The youngest is happily married and has one son; no idea if he has plans for more kids.

I named my first daughter "Harley Kaye," "Kaye" being my mother's middle name as well as my youngest sister's middle name (so something of an in-the-family name). My mother died of pancreatic cancer in 2008. When she was dying I asked her if she wanted me to name my next daughter "Karen" (her first name) and she said "no, you already honored me when you named Harley 'Kaye.'" My close female cousin also said she wanted to name her firstborn daughter after her aunt back in 2008, though 10 years later, it looks unlikely that she'll ever have kids.

After an ugly divorce and wonderful re-marriage, I am now pregnant with my 3rd and last. Found out it was a girl last week via NIPS. As soon as my father found out it was a girl, he called me and began guilting me to name the baby "Karen" after my dead mother.

Him: Your mother told me on her deathbed she wanted a granddaughter named "Karen"!
Me: You have four other children and three close nieces/nephews! Tell someone else to make some babies!
Him: No one else is having kids but you! [Youngest sister] says she doesn't want kids!
Me: And that's my problem how?
Him: This was your mother's dying wish! She wanted a little girl named "Karen"!
Me: I asked her the same question and she said I already named a baby after her when I named Harley "Kaye" and I was good!

I'm so annoyed with him. For the record, the baby will have my last name as a middle name and my husband's last name as a surname, so a middle name is not an option. Also, both of my husband's parents are dead and he really loved his mom, so I don't see why it should be "Karen" and not "Catherine."

My two top name choices are "Lyra" (from the Golden Compass) and "Ada" (after Ada Lovelace). I loved my mother more than anything in this life other than my own daughter, but I just don't feel any obligation to name a baby after her and I think my dad needs to butt out. He had five kids; he got his baby names (most of them boring choices, IMO).

Thanks for listening.
 
You name your child what you and your husband would want.
Why do families parents especially feel the need to guilt and pressure is to do what they want.
X
 
Oh man. That's so tough and it makes me thankful that I haven't received any name pressure. You definitely have to name her what you want. It sounds like you've already honored your mother in your eyes, and that's what's important!
 
I'm sorry they're butting in like this. You should name your child whatever you want :)
 
Families and their opinions. Call yr baby what u want to. Is ut your mothers dying wish or your fathers wish? We all have lots of wishes but it doesnt mean ee have to live them out for other people. I was very very close to my grandad and would love to name my babys middle name after him but umfortunatly its the same name as my ex husband so no chance. You wont love your mother any less for not naming yr baby after her and im sure no one will think it. Go with your choice.
 
Aww I think that’s so harsh!!

I know how you feel when I was pregnant with DD my sisters baby passed away . We didn’t know what we were having and when everyone found out she was a girl the amount of messages it got about the name was ridiculous it was far too soon (6 months after ) and felt it would be inconsiderate to sister. I would never have called her the same name . Not because I don’t like it but because of how things happened would have been too traumatic for all of us and DDs her own person !

Don’t feel pressured into naming your daughter something you don’t want /like . I do like your name choices btw. .

I’m sure your mum will be looking down now just wishing for a happy and healthy grand daughter to be born !
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. So sad.
You name Your baby what ever name you choose.
Sending love and congratulations x
 
I had family do this to me before dd was born. I had a little rant on the ol' fb about struggling for middle names (as soon as our gender scan revealed she was a girl we knew she was harper), I loved Amelia but this would have made her initials HAM and it just wasn't an option. As soon as it was up I had an aunt spit out about 5 different variations of my dead fathers name that would suit for a girl. Told her I was reserving his name for if we had a boy, for a middle name. She then proceeded to privately message trying to convince me that this would honour my mum, that she would be over the moon if I did this and how proud my dad would be. Considering my dad was dead against my mum naming my brother after him (which she did anyway) I knew this was total bs. In the end we settled on giving her her grandmothers names as middle names. You do what feels right for you. You made your peace with your mum before she passed and no matter what your child is called she would have adored her ❤
 
"Sorry you feel that way Dad, but when I spoke to Mum before she passed she said she didn't want me to do that. I'm sorry your upset with it but we shall be naming this little girl a name we want to"

I'd leave it at that. <3
 

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