Natural Parenting and Routines...

[gills8752]

At my 6 month check my HV was going on about routines. We don't have a routine really - she's fed on demand (apart from BLW which is approx the correct time for foods) she sleeps on demand and the only thing which is approx the same is bed time which always ends up being around 8pm - 9pm purely because that it when she wants to go to bed.
But the HV was on about how if my lo doesn't have a routine as a toddler then she will have behavioural problems as she won't know what to expect and when.
I don't want to inforce a routine on my lo at all. Feeding times by then will be the standard breakie, lunch and dinner and bedtime will be when she is tired. Surely this won't actually cause problems!
What is the "natural Parenting" way of doing things when it comes to toddlers and routines??

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

We have 3 LO, (2.5, 4, and 5) and dont have a routine. I really like it that way. DD1 actually did have behavioral issues when we tried a routine and then it got messed up. She cant handle change well- its actually better she doesnt have one because then the change isnt as big, kwim?

 

[Bayleaf]

Well we haven't got a routine apart from the mealtimes and a (very rough) bed time.
Em is 10 months old and positively thriving. If you're baby led and let your child show you what she needs there's no need for a descriptive parent-led routine.
As for the HV's hysteria about 'behavioral problems' how about just ignoring her completely

 

[Eala]

I found that by following my LO's needs, we fell into a routine pretty naturally. At least, we have a routine in the sense that I can expect certain things to happen at roughly the same time each day. There's usually about an hour's leeway around things like naps, I'm led by her as to when she's tired enough to go down.

The only thing we have a "set" routine for is bedtime - where we do bath, bottle, story, song and bed. But even then, when that starts is down to our LO - I know it'll be sometime between 6.45 and 7pm (ish!)

Our "routine" changes as LO gets older, with regards to dropping naps and milk feeds and so on. We demand fed and do BLW, so it made sense to me to follow her needs with regards to the rest of her day too . What we do try and keep the same are the cues for her naps. Once she's shown me that she's tired, we always follow the same pattern, and we've found that helps her settle.

That got a bit rambling, didn't it Was trying to say that your HV seems to be going a bit overboard! I can see that as children get older, it can be helpful for them to have cues for certain things, but I don't think it needs to be something totally set in stone I guess this comes down to the whole thing that every baby is different, and what will work for one, won't work for another!

 

[gills8752]

Thanks girls - its nice to hear that what I thought works. HV always make me doubt what I'm doing is right even though I know they are uneducated about the more natural side of parenting!
I have zero intention of doing any kind of routine - everything will be baby led as there is no way I'm trying to force my child into doing something she doesn't want to. Plus I need her to be adaptable as we often go on long car journeys/long days out to airshows etc so I don't need her to be screaming for something she normally gets at a certain time when we're on the road.

 

[Lu28]

I'm not sure if we have a routine to be honest.

She has breakfast when she wakes, lunch at 12, dinner at 5.30pm and then she's in bed by 7.30pm. That means we tend to have mornings and afternoons free for activities. If we're just having a day close to home, she might have a nap in the morning if she's looking for one before 9.30am, otherwise I'll keep her busy so that she goes for her usual nap at about 12.45pm/1pm.

So I guess you could say she is in a bit of a routine but it's one that works for her and I'd certainly never put her to bed if she's not tired etc. We've just found that if she goes for her nap any later than about 1.30pm, she doesn't sleep well, we don't get a chance to do much in the afternoon before dinner and she's a total grump so not worth it! So it's a baby led routine and that's good enough for me

 

[Rach28]

Noah has fallen into his own pattern of feeds and sleeps, it sometimes changes a little bit on a day to day basis but he's pretty much the same most days and he will certainly let you know what he wants and when!

We may have to change things abit when I go back to work as we'll need to be ready earlier for him to go to nursery.

Most people do have rough time when they give breakfast, lunch, tea etc, most toddlers will have a point each day when they really do need a sleep.

LO's whose days are very unpredictable can start to have behavioural problems as they never know when their needs will be met but most people dont have mad chaotic days everyday or on a regular basis so I wouldnt worry there!

Some LO's actually do need structure arund them, my eldest needed a pretty firm routine everyday up until about a year ago but he has ADHD.

I think you just need to know your LO, respond to your LO and ignore anyone with the title 'health visitor'

 

[joeyjo]

Routine means different things to different people...

I class myself as having a routine but it's very flexible!
If g isn't awake by 8 (usually up 7:30) I think about waking him. BF first thing followed by brekkie. Naps once a day often around 11; if no nap by 12 I try & give lunch if not he gets it when he wakes up. Evening meal 5-5:30 ish. Bed 7-7:30 ish try and do pjs story or bath, teeth, milk in same order

when he was hVing more BF he was fed on demand (still is) but was pretty predictable.

My friend thinks I don't have a routine but her LO has a strict routine of bottles and meals at exact times and a change of even 15min makes a difference!

I was Reading a babay "advice" book that talked about changing bedtime by 5min a day if you wanted it earlier/later! Eeeekk!

 

[cleckner04]

We've never had a strict routine. The only predictability about our days are mealtimes. lunch and dinner are always served at the same time. And Emma gets fussy if I don't have her food ready at those times. But we have always BF on demand, she sleeps when she is tired, she plays when she wants to play. She's very good about going with the flow, like her mama.

 

[pinkclaire]

I've not had a routine really, just baby led but I have just started doing 4 hourly feeds and it has made a massive difference to how settled he is (ie not grabbing at my boob constantly and following me round the house which is all that's happened since he started crawling lol) and also he's started sleeping much better at night at the same time as you know he was a terrible sleeper,'he's gone from waking 10 times a night to 2!

Saying that though, I'm very baby led, if he really wanted feeding I would, but he seems happier like this anyway.

Off topic, is Shelby eating much with her BLW? We've just started getting solid poos I'm so proud!!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

We have a rough food and sleep routine that Ruby made herself, and we change it if she stops wanting a thing at a certain time. Basically we just follow her cues, but she's pretty predictable too.

 

[applejack]

I've never had a routine with my ds apart from going to bed at 7pm. meal times once he was weaned were always roughly around the same time but everything else we done on his terms. he is a very happy relaxed wee dude so I think i dont the right thing for us, and will be doing the same for this baby

 

[gills8752]

Ooh I go away and my thread sudenly goes mental! lol.

I dont have time to reply proper as I'm still away but will be home next week and will reply then! xx

 

[Dragonfly]

I dont have routine, apart from roughly when meal times are between a certain time. He is 18 months old now and takes himself to bed, I do not force him to eat or go to bed and he does it all himself now. What behaviour probs? so many said that to me if I didnt basically kick his arse into routine I would pay for it. I gently persuade him to eat and he does it himself now. He was feeding himself from a long time ago to. This has shocked some people but only they say i am lucky, nothing to do with not having a routine. He is bf on demand still. People think kids will end up ferrile monsters if they are not forced into a routine, not true from what I seen, That creates more headaches and rebellious behaviour. No need for it really. But no one ever agrees with me.

 

[cleckner04]

I agree with dragonfly that forcing a routine could cause more problems than not. I know some people force a child to go to bed at a certain time so they can get "their" time but if that kid isn't tired or willing than it will just be a fight every night. Which than leads to CIO/CC techniques which is a whole different argument.

 

[Dragonfly]

I seen my mum wind up my sister and she would go mad, lots of headaches there. No call for it really if you start as you mean to go on with just gentle persuasion. I dont know if it works for everyone but it works for me. I dont get much me time at all but putting kids to bed at 7pm means he would be awake when i want to go to bed and really early in the morning. Not that i put him to bed late he goes at about 9 himself anyway. Says "see ya later" on the way there to.

I remember my mum winding up my sis like over an hour before her bath and she hated bath time, still does. For over an hour saying she was going and that was that,made everything worse! just do it ffs! get it over fast if they dont like it then it wont be so dreaded. I plan on making things easier for myself as I do not want to go through what I have seen other parents go through. If it makes sence i will try it. My son isnt a monster from it all so far he is far from it.

 

[Racheldigger]

I know other parents who have routines, and the mother's getting upset because the father took the little one for a walk to the shops and brought him back quarter of an hour too late for his nap... I don't know how anyone can live or think like this. Rowan has never had a routine: she's been fed when she's hungry, been changed when she's wet, and fallen asleep when she was tired, and she's the sunniest, most buoyant, happy-go-lucky little personality you could imagine.

 

[bubbles]

We have kinda fell into HIS routine i.e he wants to eat at certain times. He used to have a nap that was pretty much at a time decided by him which remained the same until recently when he no longer wanted to sleep in the day (result as he sleeps much better at night now), if you follow your childs needs and wants I think you tend to find they want certain things at certain times anyway and you just adapt yourself around them iygwim

 

[Mary Jo]

We've never *imposed* a routine, we follow Adam, and he just happens to be a fairly predictable little boy, so effectively we do have a routine. Trying to over-ride his cues just leads to stress all round (putting him to bed when he isn't tired so he leaps around and won't settle, offering food when he isn't hungry so he just chucks everything on the floor). We tend to do things in the same order each day but the timings change daily - not by much but usually within a 60-minute range.

 

[Arcanegirl]

We have routine but its always been baby led. Ive made food when he appeared to be hungry and now its always at a similar time so i jsut make it the same time everyday now.
Sleep, weve always gone by his cues. The only time i make a decision on his sleep is if hes gone too long between sleeps and is becoming overtired.