Nearly-9-year-old won't go to bed or sleep on their own. Advice please !

[Violet3]

Well just so any of my regular BnB friends are aware, this isn't about MY nearly-nine-year-old ! That would be impossible since I don't have a child (not for the next few months anyway )

So here's the problem. My MIL has an 8 year old who will be 9 very shortly. This is what happens, practically EVERY night:

• 9 o'clock- bedtime. Child is taken up to bed.
• Child's mum reads story. Instead of falling asleep, Child constantly asks questions about the book and queries what will happen in tomorrow nights' read.
• Child will not go to sleep. Child's mum stays in room, exhausted, sometimes for more than 2 hours.
• Once Child finally drops off, Child's Mum leaves room. (OR Child refuses to go to sleep so Child's Mum gets into his bed and they BOTH fall asleep- resulting in Child's Mum being exhausted when she wakes up and returns to her own bed.)
• If Child wakes up and his mum is not there, he either goes downstairs to get her, shouts 'Mum ! Mum !!', or sits at the top of the stairs until someone notices he is there and insists that he has been sat there for anything up to '12 hours'.
• If Child's Mum is too exhausted to go back into his room and stay with him for ages AGAIN then Child's Dad offers to go and tuck him in. Child refuses his dad's offer and insists on his mum taking him back to bed.
• Sometimes Child wakes up constantly during the night, claiming to want a glass of water or to have had a nightmare. This results in Mum getting up at intervals of sometimes every couple of hours during the night, even when she has to get up for work at 6 in the morning. She gets mad with him (who wouldn't ?), and he ends up crying.

She has tried everything. She has tried tucking him in and then saying that she needs to go do something for 5 minutes and then she'll be back to check on him, which worked the grand total of ONCE, until he realised what she was doing and refused to sleep for the next couple of nights. His mum is in her late forties and needs to be up very early for work, yet sometimes she doesn't get to bed until gone half past midnight and then is constantly awoken during the early hours. Some days she looks ill and is fed up all day from constant lack of sleep. The Child has said numerous times over the past year that he will start going to bed and staying in bed on his own (e.g. 'I will when the holidays have finished', 'I will when I start Y4'). His latest claim is that he will start when he starts Y5 in SEPTEMBER- in another 7 whole months and he is half way to being ten years old ! Me and my OH have tried explaining that none of his friends need their mummy's to stay with them or take them to bed, and that he needs to do it himself because he's making his mum tired, but his mum can't cope with him crying and screaming when she tries to make him sleep alone. It's really getting too much for us all, especially his mum (obviously !).

So please, anyone, ADVICE !

Thank you, Vi x

 

[BabyBumm]

Hi, didn't want to read and run.
Just want to say, your MIL is not on her own, my son is 8 nearly 9 and will not (can not) fall asleep on his own. He won't even go upstairs on his own! And if I try to leave him, he will scream the place down and shout "mum mum mum" down the stairs constantly! So I have to sit with him as he disturbs his two sisters.
I will be watching this thread with interest as I am at the end of my tether and due baby number 4 in a few weeks so God knows how I'm gonna cope lol!

 

[Violet3]

Hi BabyBumm, it's nice to know that we're not the only ones in this situation then ! I just wish more BnB members could offer some tips ! Then again, it's a pretty quiet topic since most threads where people need advice on getting their child to sleep are for parents with 3/4 year olds, not 8/9 ! Let's just hope someone can help ! X

 

[k8y]

Someone in the toddler section put on a tape routine.. where you stick bits of tape on the floor and the first time they come out, you shut the door to the first tape, the second - to the second bit and then again .. the door is closed.. aparently its supposed to be good. Her explanation is better than mine, take a peek.

 

[Violet3]

Thanks k8y, will check it out !

 

[purplerose]

Not sure how to respond, has she taken him to a child's doctor who could see if he has a mental health issue such as ADD/ADHD? Some children with the condition will stay up till all hours.

Perhaps he also has childhood depression? There must be some unexplained reason for his behaviour especially as he is attached to the mother and not the father.

 

[N1kki]

have you tried the supernany technique of reading them a story,then telling them good night,turning the light off,then sitting on the floor with your back to them on the other side of the room with the door slightly open.

 

[Periwinkle]

Has she asked him why? This was completely me when I was a kid. I was terrified that ghosts/burglars/murderers were going to get us all in the nightand I was terrified of the dark. My mum used to get so angry with me.