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Need a little support... I don't know what to say to my sister

Feb4th2011

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I'm completely gutted right now... my baby sister (21) and I (28) are super close and I've told her about our struggles to conceive etc. I've only ever talked to her and one other person about my struggles (and my DH and BnB) We are super close and always have been, we've told each other everything...

I've been getting super excited about taking clomid this cycle... and then she sent me this on FB

Sister:it would make my heart happy happy happy if you would go to gleis instead of taking fertility drugs (gleis is her homeopathic DR)

ME:u have no idea what im going through. (then I log off and sob for an hour)

I logged back on to find these messages.

Sister: Yes i do. I see it in you, I hear it in you. I know you're not okay right now and that this is really affecting you. The universe has a crazy way of working. And because this is happening doesn't mean anything bad. It is just an example of what our world has become. It shows us that our environments and things we have created or let happen have made it so that for whatever reason our bodies don't do what they were originally made to do BUT that they are resilient and can be healed. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. The medical drug world is ran by drug companies and money. And they use us as guinea pigs a lot. Just as we don't hear about ufo sightings and secret government shit.. side effects and bad shit with medications are kept hush hush too. As well as modifying anything unnaturally.. like genetically modified foods that we're becoming aware of how bad they are and what they're doing to people.. I just think you can get pregnant very quickly naturally if you treat it with a natural doctor. Your baby will be healthy, as you treat yourself you will also let go of the anxiety and stress. your baby will be so healthy, you wont have to worry about future side effects for yourself or your child, you will learn sooo much from your journey with this. I'm working at going off of birth control because i have recently become aware of how our world is run by money and how dangerous medications or pumping ourselves with things can be. I love you

i know its your life and your decision i just feel like if i never said anything and then something happens i would regret not trying to make you learn a bit about both sides. desperation takes us on interesting paths sometimes i know.

ME: Please do not tell anyone anything I have told you. This is very important. I'm completely devastated in your comments tonight.

(took me 30 minutes to get through the tears to even figure out how to type 2 sentences.

Sister: I would never tell anyone

What would you say? Is my PMS so bad this month that I'm crazy for being so hurt? I don't know what to say to her. I feel so unsupported and sad... I feel sick to my stomach.

The thing is I'm not as crazy obsessed about getting my BFP like she thinks i am. I can see why she might think i am, as I only confide in her and my BF. But I'm always saying positive things. I'm really excited for the day when it's my turn, and I like to talk about it! She is such a good person, I can't even ever remember her saying something bad about another person...

My last thread was a sob story too lol... I'm not usually so sad and mopey... I promise I will have positive posts soon . I hope this has made some sort of sense... I just don't know what to say to her...:nope:My anxiety is threw the roof.
 
Hmm.
Maybe you could tell her that you appreciate her trying to care for you the best way she believes. And that you definitely support her and her beliefs but that you request her to support your beliefs as well, including those that are different than hers.

You can, in a more 'nice' way, tell her that its your body and you get to decide what you think is best for it.

Good luck! I'd be upset with it too, but it seems like she had the best of intentions. Its just, a lot of people don't really understand what its like to TTC.
 
Hmm.
Maybe you could tell her that you appreciate her trying to care for you the best way she believes. And that you definitely support her and her beliefs but that you request her to support your beliefs as well, including those that are different than hers.

You can, in a more 'nice' way, tell her that its your body and you get to decide what you think is best for it.

Good luck! I'd be upset with it too, but it seems like she had the best of intentions. Its just, a lot of people don't really understand what its like to TTC.

Thanks SunUp,:thumbup: I'm feeling a little more level headed and calming down...:wacko:
 
It's so hard when those closest to us 'turn against us' I completely understand your feelings of hurt and betrayal but can I just say how amazingly lucky you are to have a sister that so obviously cares about you and your future child already? I felt very humbled reading her message to you as she has obviously put a lot of thought and worry into your TTC situation and she is trying to help the best she knows how.

I would sit her down and acknowledge that she is trying to help but hat you have to discover your own journey. It may mean that one day you try the homeopathic route but at this point in time, your choice is to stick with your GP and that you value her support through this xxx I wish I had a sister to turn to. TTC can be incredibly lonely xxx
 
You both have made me feel so much better already, I knew my BnB "sister's" would come through for me!! I couldn't see past my hurt feelings and feeling "betrayed". But your so right tonibzac... she really did put a lot of thought into what she wrote, i never saw that. Thanks so much ladies,I really think my hormones got the best of me tonight. I feel kind of silly for reacting so strongly. I'm glad I chose to keep my mouth shut tonight, I'm going to talk to her tomorrow hopefully:) She lives 8 hours away, but we usually talk everyday.
 
It seems you just need her to say " I understand and I support you." She is speaking from her own opinion and experience and her intentions are good but its hard for you to start treatment when someone is warning you about that treatment and begging you not to.

All in all if you take the fertility meds just don't tell her. If she isn't supportive of it it will be harder. I'm taking clomid now and only dh knows as its very new for us. Good luck!
 
Don't beat yourself up over it. I would've reacted the same way or a little nastier, but that's because I've grown increasingly bitter. The comment about her suggesting you go to a natural doctor just goes to show how much she really knows about infertility, squat. That's what fertility specialists are for, even if you went to general GP he/she are going to refer you to a specialist. It may be some drugs, but it's also evolved medical science. Sure there's risks, but they're minimal. I just can't stand it when people who know nothing about IF try to advise me on my situation.

However, I'd still cut her a little slack because she is young and has yet to go down that road of TTC. Her biological time clock has yet to go off.

At the end of the day, it is your decision on what alternative treatments you wish to explore, and how far you are willing to go to be a mother.
 
I do agree with the other ladies in that she put a lot of thought into what she said. And she's giving you an opinion based on her life experiences, which are obviously different then your life experiences. I have also had that same argument, but with myself. And the conclusion I came to...why can't there be room for both? It doesn't have to be one or the other. I am on clomid also and possibly onto injectables if clomid doesn't work. But on the holistic side, I'm also eating as much organic foods as possible, lots of fruits and vegetables, red meat 1x/week or less, absolutely no processed foods, yoga, acupuncture and guided meditation, because I do feel that those things can also make a difference in getting my body to behave.

The best you can do is tell her that you gave her words some thought, that you really did listen to what she had to say, but because of x, y, or z, your decision is.... And that you would really appreciate her support no matter what your decision is because she is your sister and best friend.
 
I don't think she's trying to be mean, but she's not in your position. And those who aren't in our position really don't get it.

Are you doing any kind of complementary treatments, like acupuncture?? This works well along side prescribed medicines x
 
Don't beat yourself up over it. I would've reacted the same way or a little nastier, but that's because I've grown increasingly bitter. The comment about her suggesting you go to a natural doctor just goes to show how much she really knows about infertility, squat. That's what fertility specialists are for, even if you went to general GP he/she are going to refer you to a specialist. It may be some drugs, but it's also evolved medical science. Sure there's risks, but they're minimal. I just can't stand it when people who know nothing about IF try to advise me on my situation.

However, I'd still cut her a little slack because she is young and has yet to go down that road of TTC. Her biological time clock has yet to go off.

At the end of the day, it is your decision on what alternative treatments you wish to explore, and how far you are willing to go to be a mother.

I think that was the hardest part... That she is Young and has no idea what it's like to TTC with infertility issues... and when I said 'you have no idea' and she said that she did I just wanted to shake her!!

Thanks for your comment:) I really hope u get your BFP soon ~ I some what stalk you in a non creepy way (if thats possible?) lol
 
I do agree with the other ladies in that she put a lot of thought into what she said. And she's giving you an opinion based on her life experiences, which are obviously different then your life experiences. I have also had that same argument, but with myself. And the conclusion I came to...why can't there be room for both? It doesn't have to be one or the other. I am on clomid also and possibly onto injectables if clomid doesn't work. But on the holistic side, I'm also eating as much organic foods as possible, lots of fruits and vegetables, red meat 1x/week or less, absolutely no processed foods, yoga, acupuncture and guided meditation, because I do feel that those things can also make a difference in getting my body to behave.

The best you can do is tell her that you gave her words some thought, that you really did listen to what she had to say, but because of x, y, or z, your decision is.... And that you would really appreciate her support no matter what your decision is because she is your sister and best friend.

I agree! I have started eating WAY different, Organic, way less red meat, no processed foods etc. I've been struggling to come up with the exact thing I want to say to her, and your last paragraph is just that. You could probably charge me with plagiarism :) Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my thread:) :dust: to you phoenixrose!
 
I don't think she's trying to be mean, but she's not in your position. And those who aren't in our position really don't get it.

Are you doing any kind of complementary treatments, like acupuncture?? This works well along side prescribed medicines x

I haven't had any alternative treatments as of yet, I've been reading up on Acupuncture and Reiki. :flower:
 
I've been having acu, but with Christmas I haven't been able to afford it. I will be starting it again when I get paid in January. It works best when done weekly.x
 
I do agree with the other ladies in that she put a lot of thought into what she said. And she's giving you an opinion based on her life experiences, which are obviously different then your life experiences. I have also had that same argument, but with myself. And the conclusion I came to...why can't there be room for both? It doesn't have to be one or the other. I am on clomid also and possibly onto injectables if clomid doesn't work. But on the holistic side, I'm also eating as much organic foods as possible, lots of fruits and vegetables, red meat 1x/week or less, absolutely no processed foods, yoga, acupuncture and guided meditation, because I do feel that those things can also make a difference in getting my body to behave.

The best you can do is tell her that you gave her words some thought, that you really did listen to what she had to say, but because of x, y, or z, your decision is.... And that you would really appreciate her support no matter what your decision is because she is your sister and best friend.

I agree! I have started eating WAY different, Organic, way less red meat, no processed foods etc. I've been struggling to come up with the exact thing I want to say to her, and your last paragraph is just that. You could probably charge me with plagiarism :) Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my thread:) :dust: to you phoenixrose!

Plagiarize away, Just glad I can help! Sometimes the best way to tell someone something is just to be honest with our feelings, but in a non-threatening, non-defensive, calm way. Lots of :dust: to you too!
 
Don't beat yourself up over it. I would've reacted the same way or a little nastier, but that's because I've grown increasingly bitter. The comment about her suggesting you go to a natural doctor just goes to show how much she really knows about infertility, squat. That's what fertility specialists are for, even if you went to general GP he/she are going to refer you to a specialist. It may be some drugs, but it's also evolved medical science. Sure there's risks, but they're minimal. I just can't stand it when people who know nothing about IF try to advise me on my situation.

However, I'd still cut her a little slack because she is young and has yet to go down that road of TTC. Her biological time clock has yet to go off.

At the end of the day, it is your decision on what alternative treatments you wish to explore, and how far you are willing to go to be a mother.

I think that was the hardest part... That she is Young and has no idea what it's like to TTC with infertility issues... and when I said 'you have no idea' and she said that she did I just wanted to shake her!!

Thanks for your comment:) I really hope u get your BFP soon ~ I some what stalk you in a non creepy way (if thats possible?) lol

Thank you, I hope you gets yours soon as well! Ooo I'm flattered! Please feel free to join me in other parts of BNB..sometimes you get a bit sick of talking about IF/LTTC. I hang out in the Girly Sanctuary, General Chatter, and TV, Film, Ent. Santa's Grotto was ok, but there was too much LO talk. There are some LTTCers who venture in those areas as well.
 
Don't beat yourself up over it. I would've reacted the same way or a little nastier, but that's because I've grown increasingly bitter. The comment about her suggesting you go to a natural doctor just goes to show how much she really knows about infertility, squat. That's what fertility specialists are for, even if you went to general GP he/she are going to refer you to a specialist. It may be some drugs, but it's also evolved medical science. Sure there's risks, but they're minimal. I just can't stand it when people who know nothing about IF try to advise me on my situation.

However, I'd still cut her a little slack because she is young and has yet to go down that road of TTC. Her biological time clock has yet to go off.

At the end of the day, it is your decision on what alternative treatments you wish to explore, and how far you are willing to go to be a mother.

I think that was the hardest part... That she is Young and has no idea what it's like to TTC with infertility issues... and when I said 'you have no idea' and she said that she did I just wanted to shake her!!

Thanks for your comment:) I really hope u get your BFP soon ~ I some what stalk you in a non creepy way (if thats possible?) lol

Thank you, I hope you gets yours soon as well! Ooo I'm flattered! Please feel free to join me in other parts of BNB..sometimes you get a bit sick of talking about IF/LTTC. I hang out in the Girly Sanctuary, General Chatter, and TV, Film, Ent. Santa's Grotto was ok, but there was too much LO talk. There are some LTTCers who venture in those areas as well.

I never even thought to do that! Might be good to give my brain a rest once in a while!:flower:
 
I think you're overreacting. She gave her opinion and her reasons behind it and I don't see how there is anything wrong with that. I agree that if you can do it naturally, you should avoid anything artificial. I don't really see any harm in trying her method for a couple months, but then again, I don't know your story.
Putting fake hormones into your body really messes with how your system works, but I do acknowledge that some people do need those medicines for certain situations. I would hear her out and try it before you pump chemicals into your body. And if you don't want to do that, have an adult conversation with her about why you want to do it your way. Sobbing and throwing tantrums on forums won't really get your point across. Just try talking to her. She obviously loves you and wants what's best for you. What is so wrong with that? Whether she's right or wrong, you should discuss this with her.
 
I think you're overreacting. She gave her opinion and her reasons behind it and I don't see how there is anything wrong with that. I agree that if you can do it naturally, you should avoid anything artificial. I don't really see any harm in trying her method for a couple months, but then again, I don't know your story.
Putting fake hormones into your body really messes with how your system works, but I do acknowledge that some people do need those medicines for certain situations. I would hear her out and try it before you pump chemicals into your body. And if you don't want to do that, have an adult conversation with her about why you want to do it your way. Sobbing and throwing tantrums on forums won't really get your point across. Just try talking to her. She obviously loves you and wants what's best for you. What is so wrong with that? Whether she's right or wrong, you should discuss this with her.

I see that you've suffered a loss, my condolences.

Just curious, how long did it take you to conceive? Were you faced with infertility?

This isn't about sobbing, or throwing your toys out of the pram...the poster is simply venting and seeking advice. Her sister sincerely cares about her, that part is evident. But she's also trying to give advice on a situation she knows jack shit about. She's 21, unmarried, and has not started TTC. That's like me trying to advise a pregnant woman in having a natural birth. I know nothing about being pregnant, let alone birth!

Unfortunately, not all LTTCers have the luxury of conceiving naturally. Some just simply can't, or there's no guarantee it's going to happen naturally and they can't chance being childless due to getting up there in age. Thus we turn to alternative treatments. It is by NO means easy to put an end to TTC naturally and go forward with alternative options.

You see, some women DON'T have a choice...if they really want to be a mother.
 
I think you're overreacting. She gave her opinion and her reasons behind it and I don't see how there is anything wrong with that. I agree that if you can do it naturally, you should avoid anything artificial. I don't really see any harm in trying her method for a couple months, but then again, I don't know your story.
Putting fake hormones into your body really messes with how your system works, but I do acknowledge that some people do need those medicines for certain situations. I would hear her out and try it before you pump chemicals into your body. And if you don't want to do that, have an adult conversation with her about why you want to do it your way. Sobbing and throwing tantrums on forums won't really get your point across. Just try talking to her. She obviously loves you and wants what's best for you. What is so wrong with that? Whether she's right or wrong, you should discuss this with her.

OK... I don't really think I threw a tantrum on here... If you read through any of what I have replied to the women who replied to my thread I think your attitude wouldn't be so passive aggressive towards me.

I had already acknowledged that I thought i over reacted and was feeling silly about it, but having you throw it in my face like that... was just plain mean.

Its a forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion, which I totally respect. BUT in the future please feel free to avoid my threads, as I will yours.
 

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