Need An Attachment Parent's Point Of View Please!

[Sam292]

X posted in baby club -

Do you ever feel like you are doing it all wrong? Lately I feel like I am constantly doubting myself and my decisions which is confusing for ds and makes dh doubt me too as im not putting across my ideas confidently.

DS is still up frequently (often hourly) at night for feeds and takes his naps on me still. We are mostly co sleeping at night - i actually started doing this after reading up on the benefits of it when he was 4 months old. I have talked to friends and family for advice after feeling like I don't know what I should be doing and they all suggested stopping co sleeping and not to let him nap on me.

A friend suggested shush pat which worked for her baby. The first night it worked fine - no tears and we both got more sleep than usual, but when i tried it for naps he really cried and i couldn't keep it up. I keep trying different things people suggest and i know my chopping and changing is making things hard for lo but I'm finding it hard to follow my instincts when no one in my real life gets it.

We were both really traumatised by the attempted nap yesterday and he refused to sleep more than 30 mins the rest of the day (usually has 3 hours) so was overtired by bedtime and ended up in bed with me. I kept waking up thinking i should put him in his cot - see, still doubting my instincts!!

I could really do with some advice from the other side and would love to have someone I could swap e-mail addresses with so when I am having a parenting issue I could discuss it with someone who gets what i'm trying to do.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! x

 

[Rachel_C]

If you're trying to change sleeping habits, I would just work on one lot of sleeps at once. We've recently worked out a good night time routine for my LO (who's a lot older than yours but I think it still applies). I tried to do the same kind of thing for her naps and it was a disaster! So for now, we're just concentrating on night times and we'll look at day time naps later on when the night time stuff is all completely sorted.

 

[Janidog]

I never worry about day time naps, its just something i have never tried to do. I wanted to concentrate on night time. LO naps downstairs in the lounge when he is ready to nap, i try not to force it otherwise we both end up stressed

 

[aliss]

It really depends on what stance you want to take.

The point of AP is the long-term benefits we feel it will provide, even at our (parental) short-term expense. AP advocates like Sears don't lie - it IS, at times, more exhausting. Your baby will probably wake more, you will be tired more, you will have less free time, when you do cloth/cosleep/bf etc. a lot of parents, at least here on BNB from what I can see, will bitch and complain about a 4 month old waking to feed 2x a night. As an AP parent, we accept that this is 100% normal natural and expected even past 1 years old.

The tradeoff of course is that we believe this is best for the child, t he way that a child was 'designed' to be raised (and evolution shows that, IMO), and it's a short time in our life that you will never get back.

I don't think I really answered your Q... only you can! If you feel it's worth it, then keep going.

 

[Sam292]

It really depends on what stance you want to take.

The point of AP is the long-term benefits we feel it will provide, even at our (parental) short-term expense. AP advocates like Sears don't lie - it IS, at times, more exhausting. Your baby will probably wake more, you will be tired more, you will have less free time, when you do cloth/cosleep/bf etc. a lot of parents, at least here on BNB from what I can see, will bitch and complain about a 4 month old waking to feed 2x a night. As an AP parent, we accept that this is 100% normal natural and expected even past 1 years old.

The tradeoff of course is that we believe this is best for the child, t he way that a child was 'designed' to be raised (and evolution shows that, IMO), and it's a short time in our life that you will never get back.

I don't think I really answered your Q... only you can! If you feel it's worth it, then keep going.

Aliss, that was just what I needed to hear, thank you! I think sometimes its hard to stay on track and not be swayed when everyone else you talk to is telling you how well their baby is sleeping and how attachment parenting is just one persons idea and there is no research behind it - I know this is not true, ive done my research, but its amazing what you can be convinced of in a state of exhaustion!

You are completely right and I need to focus on what is right long term and what my ds needs. Sleep is for wimps anyway! xx

 

[henny]

It's only been recently that Lo has gone down for naps in his cot, before that it was too stressful so was better if he feel asleep in the pushchair. Lo also falls asleep in the car, I don't disturb him, I let him carry on sleeping in the car as the drive way is in front of the house and I can watch him. He also didn't sleep through till he turned one.

I had friends telling me off for co-sleeping and for doing night feeds, I just ignored them, it's not worth arguing bout it with them, I have tried but to no joy

 

[aliss]

It really depends on what stance you want to take.

The point of AP is the long-term benefits we feel it will provide, even at our (parental) short-term expense. AP advocates like Sears don't lie - it IS, at times, more exhausting. Your baby will probably wake more, you will be tired more, you will have less free time, when you do cloth/cosleep/bf etc. a lot of parents, at least here on BNB from what I can see, will bitch and complain about a 4 month old waking to feed 2x a night. As an AP parent, we accept that this is 100% normal natural and expected even past 1 years old.

The tradeoff of course is that we believe this is best for the child, t he way that a child was 'designed' to be raised (and evolution shows that, IMO), and it's a short time in our life that you will never get back.

I don't think I really answered your Q... only you can! If you feel it's worth it, then keep going.

Aliss, that was just what I needed to hear, thank you! I think sometimes its hard to stay on track and not be swayed when everyone else you talk to is telling you how well their baby is sleeping and how attachment parenting is just one persons idea and there is no research behind it - I know this is not true, ive done my research, but its amazing what you can be convinced of in a state of exhaustion!

You are completely right and I need to focus on what is right long term and what my ds needs. Sleep is for wimps anyway! xx

Oh believe me I've been there, LO was moaning 10pm-12:30am last night, screamed at 4am, then up fresh as a daisy at 6am!! It's exhausting, especially as he's one and for some reaosn I thought they outgrew this at 2 months And I ramble on that I should just let him CIO but then of course I always get up to deal with him! LOL!!!

Because it's normal, it's natural, and I chose to bring him into this world not the other way around... so I need to do what I feel is best for him

Sure enough, it's a tooth cutting. To leave him would be to leave him in pain. Not worth it for me IMO

 

[JA1988]

I hear you completely. My pregnancy was unplanned and as such had never really thought about how I would raise my child until I was suddenly faced with the reality of him being here, the only thing I knew was that I wanted to breastfeed. In the 5 months since lo was born, I have surprised myself how strong my instincts have been to breastfeed on demand, cosleep, follow my baby's lead etc. It wasn't until I started googling various issues that I even discovered any information about attachment parenting, to me it was merely me following my instinct.

As a fairly young mum, a lot of my friends with babies boast about their babies sleeping 12 hours a night, having a great appetite for solids at 4 months, eating loads, weighing 20lbs at 6 months etc etc and that's great if that is what they felt best for their little one but is not something I can relate to as my lo has NEVER slept through the night, the most he has ever slept is about 4-5 hours. I follow no routine whatsoever, my day is shaped pretty much around my lo in that if lo wants to feed all morning, then I will feed him and feed him until he is finished and THEN I will get dressed, my needs come second (many people have disagreed with me parenting like this, saying I am spoiling him etc and that he has me wrapped around his little finger). My lo sleeps when and where he wants, he naps on the sofa, in my arms, hanging off my boob, in the carseat, bouncy chair, pram, bed, wherever he will settle really! He doesn't really have a bedtime, but I make sure he is bathed and massaged at around the same time every evening and I rock him to sleep/help him settle when I can see that he is very tired, rubbing his eyes etc.

He has slept in my bed since he was around 7-8 weeks old, he falls asleep for the night at around 10-11pm, wakes at about 1-2am, then again at half 3-4ish and is up for the day at half 6, bright as a button (I'm not so refreshed at half 6 in the morning lol) but my point is that my lo is happy, if he is happy then I am happy and I feel like I have made the best choices for my lo regardless of what anyone else thinks. Yes it is exhausting and I don't expect him to sleep through any day soon (although it would be lovely if he did!) but I am a firm believer that mother knows best, so follow your instincts and try not to let anyone make you question your own gut feelings, you know best

 

[Janidog]

I dont really do AP but im certainly baby-led.

I have found that cause i don't have a strict routine with LO that if a friend what to meet up, then LO and I are pretty flexible, whereas when i have tried to organise things in the past with other mummy friends that we could never meet up a certain times because so and so has its naps then.

Also we don't have a night time routine except LO goes to bed between 6/7pm, we don't do bath, bottle, bed, instead LO is bathed about 3x a week unless he has been particularly messy, and his last bottle in the day time could range from 3-6pm depending on him. It means if we have stayed out late then i don't go in to a panic to get him to bed, it suits us really well

 

[NaturalMomma]

Honestly, I have never really doubted myself that I can remember. The way I parent, AP, just feels so right to me and it's natural for me. With ds1 we co-slept from birth until he self weaned and that was at 3 years old. I wasn't worried because I knew he'd decide to sleep on his own when he was biologically ready. ds2 is 13 months and is still in bed with us. If it's working for you then I wouldnt' worry at all