Need help, dont know what to do (off topic)

[suzan]

Girls,

I need help figuring out what I should do.

When I first knew I was preggo, most of u know that I asked my employer to provide me with unpaid leave, if possible. I asked to have a complete 3 months as within my first trimester to rest. They agreed and we signed off this issue and have been taking it counted as since Dec 1, 2007. It should be off until March 1, 2008.

Since now I have miscarried early this month, I was telling DH that I dont think I was ready to go back to work. First off, I am kindda still emotional about the whole thing, and secondly, I feel I have gained weight, LIKE CRAZY. I am not joking, my pants dont fit anymore (I already gained weight after my first miscarriage and this on top of it made it worse..) I have been really depressed though I never showed it here in the forum.

My DH said that I should go back to work bec they were nice to me in giving me the unpaid leave and it will be very selfish from me not going back in January 08. I was thinking of taking Jan 08 off again and going back to work in Feb 08. December has been crazy for me as my micarriage happened in it and with the whole holiday arrival thing I have had no time for myself.

I was thinking of putting myself on earth again and take care of myself by getting back to the healthy person I was and start exercising. I am the kind of person that if I gain weight, then BAH, I hate everything.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking of not contacting my employer but only at the mid of January and telling them that it happened and that I wana work again in Feb.

Am I being selfish? Am I exaggerating? I dont know what to do... Would it be good to go back to work so soon? will it help me?

 

[justme00]

Going back to work might help you distract yourself from everything? No, you are not being selfish. You have been through alot.

 

[FJL]

You're NOT being selfish. You take as much time as you need hun

You've just been though a huge trauma and only you know what you can and can't handle right now. If you feel you need to have some 'me' time for a month, then do it! Maybe call your boss early next year and explain the situation. Sit DH down and tell him how you feel and what you need to do for YOU.

We're all here for you

 

[Hope22]

I agree with FJL - take the time you need, go back to work when you're ready.

If you're feeling depressed, it might help to see a doctor. After my MC & surgery I thought I was feeling a little 'blue' and having very bad episodes of PMS, but when I talked to my doctor she said I was actually exhibiting signs of major depression (apparently the horrific PMS was just depression + normal PMS). Soon after that, I went into a deep, suicidal depression and she put me on meds. I'm better now, but it took a while. I had to take some time off work to recover, and my DH understood, as did my boss.

Do whatever you need to do to feel better - if you're the type of person that likes to keep busy to get things off your mind, it might do you good to go back to work even if it's part time. OTOH, if you're someone who needs to sleep more, meditate or exercise, talk things through with friends and generally pamper yourself in order to heal, don't feel guilty for taking the time. Only you know what you need, and neither your family, friends or boss can tell you when it's best for you to return to work. Trust yourself, you'll find the answers

 

[suzan]

Thanks girls. I think that I should let myself out of the closet. Being closed and hidden from the world is even more depressing. I think we, ladies that go thru miscarriages, should stand up and close that horrible chapter in our life and open a new one. Horrible things happen in our life, but we should move on (I sound like my mom, but seriously I am just scared to feel more depressed like after my first miscarriage)

I think I will call my employer at the beginning of January and tell them what happened. I will tell them that I am going back to work but if they tell me to take time off as I need I will try to figure it out with them by reaching a consensus that wont affect my career.

I should try to schedule the activities I am planning to follow after work... I really need to work on myself ASAP as January will be the only month that I can have to recover myself as we can't wait to TTC again back in February.

Thanks everyone

 

[avistar]

I hope you start to feel better and more like your self very soon! I don't blame you for wanting time! Trust what you need, and if you don't know what you need, maybe try to seek professional advice if possible. You definitely should contact your employer just to keep them updated. I think it is just good to communicate as much as possible with them, so they know where you are coming from. I think it is so great that they gave you all the time off. I know my work wouldn't do that (as I work for the gov). I think it is important to live life, not live work...and American culture just wants you to work work work!!!! You need time to become centered and whole again! IF work can wait, then take advantage!

 

[Mynxie]

you need time to deal with it sweetheart. You should tell your employer though. Maybe when you feel a bit better start working part time for a few weeks before returning full time?

 

[jo27]

Yes agree with wha'ts been aaid, do whatever you feel is right. You could always take some time off sick if your employer wants you to go back. But also remember sometimes the longer you're off the harder it is to go back in. Only you will know when you feel ready x

 

[suzan]

Thank you girls!!

 

[poppy]

Hi Suzan. I hope you had a great Christmas day and feel a bit better about things.

I am glad that you have sorted things out in your head about going back to work and stuff. If you get pregnant again soon, will you take more time off? The reason I as, is that if you do decide to take more time off, maybe it is best to go back to work in January.

 

[suzan]

Hi Suzan. I hope you had a great Christmas day and feel a bit better about things.

I am glad that you have sorted things out in your head about going back to work and stuff. If you get pregnant again soon, will you take more time off? The reason I as, is that if you do decide to take more time off, maybe it is best to go back to work in January.

Thanks poppy for trying to help me out.
I don't think I will ask for time off anymore as I dont have any complication during my pregnancy. I never see blood neither feel cramps... the pregnancy just fails. But on the other hand, if I have a complicated pregnancy (I hope not to) then it's a different thing and will ask for leave.. But as long as I dont see blood, I think I dont think to take unpaid leave. I guess I took if bec I was scared, but it just doesnt interfere with my pregnancy, I have to be more realistic and be stronger.

 

[Mojo]

hey suzan, i agree you should take as much time as you need to to heal from your m/c and feel 100% again. it may help to go back to work and keep your mind busy but if you really do not feel ready to face people and answer their questions then then take a little more time. hopefully after hols you will feel a bit more decided as to whether you are ready to go back.

 

[Tiffers]

Hey hun! I agree with everyone..You should take your time and when you are ready go back. I do think that it might help if you got yourself out there and might take your mind off of everything. I really just wanted to give you a hug..