Need some advice :( feeling so down :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by 20isplenty, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. 20isplenty

    20isplenty Well-Known Member

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    Well I have just turned 21 the other week and yesterday finally got the courage to tell my mum I'm pregnant and she was strangely calm about it . . . because she thinks she will be able to convince to have an abortion :( I just want to cry and cry my mum cried histerically at 1 point last night because all this isnt what she wanted for me and she just made me feel so bad and guilty for being pregnant and as usual its all about her and how she feels and how upset I'm making her. What do I do ? The old me would have screamed and shouted at her an we would have argued until it was all blown out of proportion but I havent risen to any of it this time but it's always about me being there for her and doing what pleases her .
     
  2. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Babe, you're 21 and I'm sure able to make your own decisions.. as much as she is your mum... maybe keep some distance away from her. Stress isn't good for the baby and this won't help you at all :(

    <3
     
  3. katieeandbump

    katieeandbump Well-Known Member

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    My mum was exactly the same when i told her 1st time around, and kept telling me how i should have an abortion and that it wouldnt matter because at that stage its only 'cells' her exact words... i was sooo upset, ulthough i did expect it from her as she always wanted me to be like her, career driven. But i told her i was keeping the baby and that i was happy and if she couldnt be happy for me and my oh then that was her problem. She warmed to it as the months went on, and she actually came to the birth of my baby. She cried her eyes out when he was born and she is soooo close with him now! She absolutely adores him. I think you need to tell her straight its your life whether she likes it or not your going to be a mum. Your an adult! Tell her she can either act like this or be normal but whatever way she choices its not going to change the situation. I can gaurentee she will change, itl just take time hun! Stick to your guns dont let anyone bring you down xxxx
     
  4. 20isplenty

    20isplenty Well-Known Member

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    I know your right its just I'm so used to keeping her happy doing what she wants me to do . . . i dnt know mayb I'm a bit hormonal aswell I think x
     
  5. Lulabelle27

    Lulabelle27 Well-Known Member

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    hey, i dont really know what to say to make you feel better, and am really sorry that your mum is making you feel so bad.
    being pregnant is definitely not somehting you should feel guilty about, it's something i hope you can enjoy and look forward to. without sounding selfish, its your life and if having a baby is a part of that and you're happy and ready then thats so much more important than what your mum expected or wanted from you.
    I am not saying she is not important at all, becuase obviously she is, but it is your life, and you are baking your baby :) give your mum a little time, get things straight in your head. reassure her that you know what you are doing, and understand the implicationms of your choice, right down to the responsibility of looking after another person, right thorugh to financially.
    I am sure given time, she will accept that it is up to you, and if not...prove her wrong, show her what a brilliant fantastic mum you are.
    take care of you and bump too :)
     
  6. 20isplenty

    20isplenty Well-Known Member

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    this sounds EXACTLY like my mum .. and those exact words aswell because she doesnt know how far gone I am. I know she will be there for me in the long run like the same way your mum was with you its just frustraiting because like you said she is very career driven me and her are so different she only has me and all she does is work work work I've always wanted big family of my own and yes me and my boyfriend do work but I've no got that "obsession" with being rich I'm not so materialistic as my mum. can I ask how old were you with your first x
     
  7. 20isplenty

    20isplenty Well-Known Member

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    I've told her I'm not making a decision until I have my scan and find out how far gone I am even though I have already decided I wanted to give her time to get used to it in her head and to understand that when I do have my scan theres no going back x
     
  8. katieeandbump

    katieeandbump Well-Known Member

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    Yeh my mum had 5 and barely saw any of us as she was constantly working, and we were shipped all around with relatives, friends and nurseries dont get me wrong i love her but i will not be bringing my children up like we were. I was 17 and my OH 22 so i was alot younger than you, but i was very mature for that age and i deff knew what i was getting myself into. Its so upsetting though because this should be your happiest moment and i know its horrible when all you can think of is whats going on with your mum. Chin up, just try to concentrate on your baby shell come round in her own time :hugs: xxx
     
  9. 20isplenty

    20isplenty Well-Known Member

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    I know your right they dont think what there doin to us because they think there right! just cant wait to get this scan out of the way so she can stop pretending that its all going to go away x
     
  10. katieeandbump

    katieeandbump Well-Known Member

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    ps i love your name on here!! very fitting with this thread! :flower:
     
  11. rubberducky88

    rubberducky88 Mum to 2 little monsters!

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    Aw hun this must be so stressful for you - not good for baby!

    I live by the mantra that everything happens for a reason, and in my mind - abortion isn't a way out, imagine living with that guilt (I know this, as my friend had one last year and it's coming up to the year anniversary mark and she was in tears the other day even though she was sure it was what she wanted!)

    Just make sure you do what is best for YOU, not your mum, not the FOB... but YOU, you and your child.

    Hope it all works out xxxx
     
  12. sjwebb

    sjwebb Well-Known Member

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    Hun have you made the point to mention to her that getting an abortion at this point is killing a live, kicking, moving, real BABY?! I mean getting an abortion at 7 weeks isn't much better but this far along in your pregnancy is unnacceptable. And I agree with the previous poster, you are an adult, you can make your own choices. I got pregnant at 18. My family wasn't happy but they LOVE my little boy. They told me they couldn't image their life without him. The "pregnancy" may not be a happy time in their life but once they see your beautiful little baby, things will change :) Keep your head up hun!
     
  13. Cazlabump

    Cazlabump Well-Known Member

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    My mum freaked when i told her, tears, everything! I just got up and left, she eventually called me in tears to say she was sorry for how she reacted, now she is excited about the baby buying things here and there and helping me out where she can. She will come round, its got to be hard for her, she may feel shes losing her little girl. but i promise it will all be fine! xxx
     
  14. Mon_n_john

    Mon_n_john Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, I'm sorry to say this but if your mom is suggesting aborting a 15 week old baby she is seriously out of her mind. Only a monster would be able to do something like that unless there was a serious medical issue or something. That baby can feel for goodness sakes, has she no heart?

    Please do not listen to her or let her affect you. You obviously love your baby and are a good mother already. Im proud of you for standing up to her. I know it will be hard but my 1st son was born when I was just 19 and trust me, 16 years later I don't regret having him for a moment. I worked hard and everything worked out great.
     
  15. PhoenixN

    PhoenixN Well-Known Member

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    Maybe just gently point out to your Mum that if she did manage to influence a decision to have an abortion you would always regret it and possibly resent your Mum for pushing you into that decision. I'm sure she wouldn't want this destroying her relationship with you.

    And with time she will come round to the idea of her little grandchild. It's your body, your baby and your decision. X
     
  16. 20isplenty

    20isplenty Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for everyones comments . well today thigs got ALOT worse. so she spoke2 me lastnight after my dating scan and she was still trying to convince me and told me will i promise to think about it some more so i said ok just to humour her and then this moring my boyfriend came round and we went out in the car with his friend and she called me. Baring in mind she has been ringing my boyfriend the past couple of days giving him grief. So anyway she said to me did u think about it more so i said yes and she said how do u fee ldo u agree with me now so i said I will talk to her face to face whe nwe get home and she said just give me an answer yes or no so I said ok truthfully no i still feel the same so she started screaming and shouting down the phone so I put the phone down on her. So then she called my boyfriend and started screaming and shouting at him down the phone calling him names and swearing at him so he got angry and said to her why call me and shout at le like I'm a f******* idiot we were just at the house you could have spoke to us face to face and civilised I'm sick of you calling and giving me abuse. So she went off on 1 then called him all the names under the sun and put the phone down. Then my dad called me kicking off and she baisically lied to him and said that as me and my boyfriend were leaving the house she asked him to do her a favour and he said no i wont you F****** idiot. Twisted the whole situation so now my dad doesnt like my boyfriend :( and eerything is just a horrible mess I dont want my family to be like this full of stress and people falling out and now its just horrible horrible what she has done shes a horrible nasty person. :( I feel just deflated .
     
  17. blessed22

    blessed22 Well-Known Member

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    OMG sweetie this is awful and I am so sorry you have to go through this!! Things will get better and just make sure you keep your little one in mind when you are going through babies always find a way to make you smile!!! It will be ok.
     
  18. mare

    mare Mommy of 3

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    :hugs:
    Havent got any advise really jus thought I would send you a :hugs: and I hope everything turns out ok in the end. What are your bf parents reaction?
     
  19. Clara cluck

    Clara cluck Mummy to 1, #2 on way!

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    Firstly I'm sending you a huge hug :hugs:. Secondly I'm so sorry your mum's reacting like this. At 21 you are old enough to make your own decisions and she has no right to tell you to abort your baby. I think you'll be a great mummy, you're already fighting so hard and protecting your little one. Your mum needs to understand the enormity of what she is telling you to do, she also needs to understand that we are all different and do things in our lives differently. So what if how you're doing things is not her way, you are you, you are not her.

    I really hope you can find a way to get across to her how you feel, I hope for your sake, your baby's sake and your relationship's sake that this all gets sorted soon. Hang in there hunni, don't be bullied and know that you have loads of support on here.

    Let us know how you go xx
     
  20. judge12

    judge12 Guest

    Do you live with your mum? maybe that's the problem, she doesn't want to have a baby in the house and if that's the case then you need to reassure her and move out.

    I was 21 but nearly 22 when I found out I was pregnant. My mum would rather I waited! yes but she supports me, she would have supported my choice either way I decided and that means keeping the baby or aborting it.

    I'm now 19 weeks and my whole family is so excited and I am sure yours will too, it just needs settle in. Your not a little girl anymore, it's not like your a teenager who hasn't got out in the world and still lives at home.

    Good luck
     

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