:(Need some advice - had in another thread but no replys

[mons75]

I understand I'd be pissed! Not sure how you should tackle it though... be careful cause you dont want a big row right now. You are 2 ppl getting this baby, hopefully when baby arrives he'll change!

Sorry you have it like this! x

 

[Brieanna]

Guys are completely different creatures than girls. In his mind he is doing nothing wrong and he is doing things with his friends and having fun before the baby gets here. Lots of guys react to babies like this, not saying it's right at all, just saying that is how many guys react.

He didn't seem to react to the letter very well (he might have been overwhelmed) so maybe next time try and talk to him in person but, like another poster said, try to do it without acting like you are just being hormonal because guys ALWAYS blame things on hormones and then they don't take anything seriously.

Be careful though and don't seem too clingy. I remember in a past relationship I wanted him to spend more time with me and I kept asking him to and making him stay home to be with me and we kept getting in fights because he acted like he was a big martyr when he stayed home and his friends made fun of him for me "punishing" him.

It's like I wanted him to WANT to spend time with me without me asking and it hurt my feelings that he wenr and did something else. When I asked him to stay and hang out, he just thought I was being clingy and annoying.

That was a past relationship though (we broke up for completely unrelated reasons) and I am so lucky now because my OH spends every night with me and we go out to eat (even to Taco Bell, it's cheap and it's something to do). As far as him saying that taking you out for dinner is too expensive, what about the money he is spending on gas and all the other things for his bike? (And not to mention it seems weird to trade in a car for a bike that you can't use a carseat for right before a baby comes, but that is a completely separate topic)

I also agree with another poster that it seems like you need some friends to hang out with. It seems like you stopped hanging out with your friends when you got with your OH so maybe try to reconnect? If it is too late to reconnect with them maybe you can make some new friends. I know it is scary to, but with a new baby you have tons of excuses for finding new friends. After you have the baby maybe it will nice to take the baby to some playgroups and meet some other new mommies.

I am sorry you are going through this and you are not wrong for any feelings you have because they are your feelings. Hopefully your OH comes to his senses soon (he probably will, most guys eventually grow up) and realizes that it is only going to be the two of you for a few short weeks before the baby gets here so you should spend time with each other. Good luck!

 

[londonangel]

I really feel for you. I'm really lucky (and glad) that my husband prefers to spend his time with me and bump than going off galivanting all the time!

I would sit down with your fiance and have a bit of a heart-to-heart with him about this, but do it very sensitively. He probably thinks (and I think this is wrong, by the way!) that he should use the time before the baby arrives to see his friends, do what he wants, etc. before he is 'lumbered' with looking after a baby. It is sometimes difficult for those who aren't pregnant and can, still, effectively do what they want, to understand how frustrating it is to be heavily pregnant, too tired/heavy/achy (insert word that applies!) to do much and how this is made far worse if you just feel that you are then just left at home on your own! I think your other half is being unreasonable thinking that he can just go and do what he wants all the time. I'd suggest trying to strike up a balance, for example, saying that you're glad he likes his bike and enjoys going out on it etc, but you'd like say Sundays to be 'your' day with him and although you don't mind him seeing his friends, you would like at least a few nights a week where you can spend precious time together before the baby is born.

Re: your comment about having lost touch with your friends, are there any friends you can get in touch with again and strike up a relationship with again? It may help you to feel less lonely. Also, are there any other expectant mothers that you have met (e.g. through antenatal class) that you might be able to contact or try to strike up a friendship with, especially so you have people you might be able to go out for a coffee with once baby arrives?

Hope you manage to get something sorted with your other half. I'm sure he doesn't mean to act 'selfishly', although I think he is being selfish. I would just say, try to handle the conversation very sensitively and couch it in terms of 'I would really like it if we could do this...' or 'I've been feeling a bit lonely and it would really help me if we could spend a little more time together....' rather than say 'I really hate that you keep going and visiting your friends and leaving me here'. If that makes sense!

 

[BabyNo1.]

My husband and I set a date, for when he would stop drinking and going out, this weekend he has a football presentation evening and it will be the last time he will be able to get drunk before the baby comes, the actual date came from him, I could of left it a bit longer, but it will also save us some money with him not drinking in the evenings and not going out, he went away for the weekend a few weeks ago with all his football friends, so he has hopefully got it all out of his system ready to settle down and become a father to our baby!

Men can act very strangely before a baby comes, they don't carry it around for nine months and it only becomes real once its on its way or born!