Need Some Advice ,Please~~~

[Andypanda6570]

Most people here know my story, but quickly I will tell it.
I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and I was done having children ( So I thought) At 40 I became pregnant and overjoyed and then was amazed when they told me it was a girl Sadly right before I went in for my Amnio at 18 and half weeks they told me those words : "I am so sorry , but there is no heartbeat " I swear my world collapsed and I knew my life was forever changed Now almost 6 months later I feel stronger and I have been taking Folic Acid for almost 6 months, working out and eating healthy, but I am now 41 and I know I have so many risks, what I am asking is and I want honest answers, do you all really think I should try again? Do you think I will loose another baby, I don't know if I could handle that, in-fact I couldn't They did tissue testing on Ava and it didn't grow so all they told me was that they were 90% sure it was chromosomal and they even told me to try again. But doctors want to make money and while I do trust them sometimes I don't. I want to try again so very bad, but I am terrified. I am thinking if I do get pregnant I will do CVS testing which can be done at 10 weeks this way if something is wrong again I will know early on. I just don't know, I mean my periods are regular ovulation is regular 14th day, did the FSH and LH tests and the doc said I was in the middle and that i would not hit menopause till about 50. I am just confused and would really like some honest answers.
Thanks SO Much XOXOXOOX

 

[collie_crazy]

Oh hunny only you will really know if its the right decision for you but I know plenty of people your age who are just starting their families -- on the other hand I know people in their 40's who would no way want to even think about babies and baby things again unless they were able to hand them back! Its all very personal.

Peraonlly I dont think you are too old and I dont think your age had anything to do with you losing Ava sweetie. I have only just turned 25 and lost Emily due to a chromosomal disorder - the doctors said it was just one of those things - so being younger didnt make a difference to us But I know that with some things like DS being older can increase your risk so I understand you wanting to test etc.

I know how desperately I want to be pregnant again and can imagine it must be the same for you. Ok we are different - Emily was planned and I know Ava was a shock for you - but once you knew about her you loved her and planned your life and future with her in it - if you truly want another then I dont see any reason why not.

I know you are scared. I am too. Infact I am terrified. But you have to ask yourself if your need for another child is more than your fear - if it is then go for it - if you are still to fearful then take some more time. I know you feel time isnt on your side but you need to make sure you are 100% ready and only you and your partner will know that.

Oh god, I rambled - I am sorry

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh hunny only you will really know if its the right decision for you but I know plenty of people your age who are just starting their families -- on the other hand I know people in their 40's who would no way want to even think about babies and baby things again unless they were able to hand them back! Its all very personal.

Peraonlly I dont think you are too old and I dont think your age had anything to do with you losing Ava sweetie. I have only just turned 25 and lost Emily due to a chromosomal disorder - the doctors said it was just one of those things - so being younger didnt make a difference to us But I know that with some things like DS being older can increase your risk so I understand you wanting to test etc.

I know how desperately I want to be pregnant again and can imagine it must be the same for you. Ok we are different - Emily was planned and I know Ava was a shock for you - but once you knew about her you loved her and planned your life and future with her in it - if you truly want another then I dont see any reason why not.

I know you are scared. I am too. Infact I am terrified. But you have to ask yourself if your need for another child is more than your fear - if it is then go for it - if you are still to fearful then take some more time. I know you feel time isnt on your side but you need to make sure you are 100% ready and only you and your partner will know that.

Oh god, I rambled - I am sorry

I want to say I love you but that is to forward You are not rambling and I welcome any and ALL opinions. Thank you so much for posting to me, I need this it helps me. I feel like if I don't try again i will regret it for the rest of my life, I am just scared and confused. I miss Ava so much,XOXo
Andrea

 

[collie_crazy]

I think this says it all

"I feel like if I don't try again i will regret it for the rest of my life"

You can only try and see what happens. I know you are scared - we are all scared - but we are all here for you no matter what! Ok, I say we because I am sure the other girls will be to but I know I will be here no matter what!!! What does your hubby think? Or your boys? Are they too young?

I know you miss Ava sweetie, its so unfair I miss Emily too with all my heart - my whole being aches for her - I know I will never be able to have her but I hope that we can have a little brother or sister for her and one day tell them all about their big sister and how special she was

 

[angel jayvian]

Hey huns iam also scare to try again everyone is telling me iam young. Iam 25 but iam so scare .the lady from the funeral home told me her story.she told me she lost 5 babies back to back and she finally got her first baby he is now 7 months.she told me never to give up to get what you want .so I think you should try if you really want it I know is very difficult . I just hope this never happen again to us . Our angels are taking care of us and I know they are going to watch over their new lil brother/sister..
P.s Jayvian and Ava are right next to eachother I saw Ava's place and asked to put Jayvian's name plate right next to hers .

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi hon, I think only you and your partner can decide, but I also think you answered you own question when you said that if you don't try you feel you will regret it for the rest of your life. I read somewhere else a woman talking about the same thing and said she was trying again because she couldn't let fear drive her to not try and regret it in future, always wondering "what if?". She put it better than that but my mind is scrambled, sorry. I think she was saying that fear could lead you to never take any risks but you'd always regret the things you didn't do more that the ones you did, as you'd never know the outcome. Id depends if that line of thinking resonates with you or not. I know I change my mind about everything, every day and several times a day, so it's so hard not to feel confused about this especially.

You will always miss Ava and always want her back I think, but that doesn't mean you can't feel the joy of another child as well. It sounds like you have put in a lot of work and dedication to getting your body ready, so just the mind part to do! You will always be terrified, I think but that's just something that unfortunately all of us are going to have to deal with if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again. It's such a shame for us to all lose our innocence like this.

I'm 39 next week so I know how you feel about needing more time and feeling like you don't have it. I still haven't decided whether I will ever be able to try again and I haven't had my follow-up yet but the age thing will probably make me hurry on if we do decide to do it, maybe before I'm emotionally ready if I'm honest. My DD is 8, nearly 9 and I never wanted her to be an only child. I never wanted there to be this age gap either and I feel so bad for that as we were renovating a house to sell to get back here to NZ and it took this long, so I feel we could have and should have tried for a sibling for her years ago. She keeps begging me to try again and it breaks my heart to not ba able to give har an answer. I've been reading a bit about chromosomal abnormalities and the link with age and quite a few studies have shown that age is not the factor they once thought it was. I think there is genetic screening that can be done on you both before pregnancy as well? I think our main risk with age is just finding it harder to conceive in the first place.

Anyway, now I'm rambling, it's a habit for all of us I think! I hope you find the right answer for YOU (and your partner and family) and that you get what you desire, if you desire it.

Much love xxx

 

[kam78]

Hi Babe!

I seen your post and had to immediately respond, not because I have answers just because I care for you and wanted to tell ya ...

I am so glad to read those words you wrote in your first post... "I feel stronger"... Those 3 lil words speak volumes... Like magic to my ears : ) I think of you and your Ava often, in fact when I think of my Emma, I always imagine her playing and being silly lil girls with Ava....

Now, to mention about your question ... Only YOU have that answer hon... YOU know YOU and how your truly feeling and thinking .. We know you to an extent and can only suggest ideas but YOU know what is best for YOU and your family ... I know it is a scary thought, and I know, myself have had those thoughts as well ... I have had my moments of so desperatley wanting to try again but then thoughts of no way, too scared .. I think we all have been on that teeter totter ride ...

I am so glad to hear you are doing better babe... Just really think about what YOU want and go for it ...

Wonder what Ava and Emma are up to tonight .... Hmmm?? Probably mischief knowing my daughter : )) LOL ...

Big Hugs!!!

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hey huns iam also scare to try again everyone is telling me iam young. Iam 25 but iam so scare .the lady from the funeral home told me her story.she told me she lost 5 babies back to back and she finally got her first baby he is now 7 months.she told me never to give up to get what you want .so I think you should try if you really want it I know is very difficult . I just hope this never happen again to us . Our angels are taking care of us and I know they are going to watch over their new lil brother/sister..
P.s Jayvian and Ava are right next to eachother I saw Ava's place and asked to put Jayvian's name plate right next to hers .

My heart just dropped when I read that. I am going tomorrow, i was there today but it was early like 930 am/ I am so sorry we have to go through this . But I am so happy they are together/

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi Babe!

I seen your post and had to immediately respond, not because I have answers just because I care for you and wanted to tell ya ...

I am so glad to read those words you wrote in your first post... "I feel stronger"... Those 3 lil words speak volumes... Like magic to my ears : ) I think of you and your Ava often, in fact when I think of my Emma, I always imagine her playing and being silly lil girls with Ava....

Now, to mention about your question ... Only YOU have that answer hon... YOU know YOU and how your truly feeling and thinking .. We know you to an extent and can only suggest ideas but YOU know what is best for YOU and your family ... I know it is a scary thought, and I know, myself have had those thoughts as well ... I have had my moments of so desperatley wanting to try again but then thoughts of no way, too scared .. I think we all have been on that teeter totter ride ...

I am so glad to hear you are doing better babe... Just really think about what YOU want and go for it ...

Wonder what Ava and Emma are up to tonight .... Hmmm?? Probably mischief knowing my daughter : )) LOL ...

Big Hugs!!!

Thanks , your so special , Kelly and so wise/ I am going to really think about what I want and see what is best, I am just so scared ya know?
I know our babies are together and that gives me so much peace.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I think this says it all

"I feel like if I don't try again i will regret it for the rest of my life"

You can only try and see what happens. I know you are scared - we are all scared - but we are all here for you no matter what! Ok, I say we because I am sure the other girls will be to but I know I will be here no matter what!!! What does your hubby think? Or your boys? Are they too young?

I know you miss Ava sweetie, its so unfair I miss Emily too with all my heart - my whole being aches for her - I know I will never be able to have her but I hope that we can have a little brother or sister for her and one day tell them all about their big sister and how special she was

Hey thanks so much for responding.
My husband is scared but he will do whatever I want. I mean we were so very young when we had our kids. He was 19 when my first son was born.
My boys are big and they were not thrilled when I told them i was pregnant and to be honest either was my husband (Nick) . He felt like we were done we raised our boys and now it was our time to be together. We were just starting to go to dinner and have fun. My oldest is 20 then 17 and then 11. After a while he did get happy about the pregnancy but he was still nervous, he felt at almost 40 it was going to be scary for us to start over, but for me I was just in a daze of happiness I cried before, I was fine then I just started to think of her and I prayed and I asked Ava to help me and guide me and protect me until i can protect her. I do feel stronger but sometimes I don't know where it comes from but the sadness always creeps up now and then and I start to think of her and what she would be like, she looked just like my middle son, had the same nose and face Sometimes I think maybe I just raised my kids already and it's time for me to move on and then I say NO i want to try again I have to try again. I will tell you what really scares me is that I know this sadness will always come over me for the rest of my life/ God this is so hard

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi hon, I think only you and your partner can decide, but I also think you answered you own question when you said that if you don't try you feel you will regret it for the rest of your life. I read somewhere else a woman talking about the same thing and said she was trying again because she couldn't let fear drive her to not try and regret it in future, always wondering "what if?". She put it better than that but my mind is scrambled, sorry. I think she was saying that fear could lead you to never take any risks but you'd always regret the things you didn't do more that the ones you did, as you'd never know the outcome. Id depends if that line of thinking resonates with you or not. I know I change my mind about everything, every day and several times a day, so it's so hard not to feel confused about this especially.

You will always miss Ava and always want her back I think, but that doesn't mean you can't feel the joy of another child as well. It sounds like you have put in a lot of work and dedication to getting your body ready, so just the mind part to do! You will always be terrified, I think but that's just something that unfortunately all of us are going to have to deal with if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again. It's such a shame for us to all lose our innocence like this.

I'm 39 next week so I know how you feel about needing more time and feeling like you don't have it. I still haven't decided whether I will ever be able to try again and I haven't had my follow-up yet but the age thing will probably make me hurry on if we do decide to do it, maybe before I'm emotionally ready if I'm honest. My DD is 8, nearly 9 and I never wanted her to be an only child. I never wanted there to be this age gap either and I feel so bad for that as we were renovating a house to sell to get back here to NZ and it took this long, so I feel we could have and should have tried for a sibling for her years ago. She keeps begging me to try again and it breaks my heart to not ba able to give har an answer. I've been reading a bit about chromosomal abnormalities and the link with age and quite a few studies have shown that age is not the factor they once thought it was. I think there is genetic screening that can be done on you both before pregnancy as well? I think our main risk with age is just finding it harder to conceive in the first place.

Anyway, now I'm rambling, it's a habit for all of us I think! I hope you find the right answer for YOU (and your partner and family) and that you get what you desire, if you desire it.

Much love xxx

Your not rambling you are a wise woman and everything you wrote is so true. I think I feel more I have to try again for a baby then I am scared too , I mean I am terrified but I think I am more terrified of being 50 and saying what the hell did I do why didn't i try again? I don't want to have those heavy regrets , I just get so confused sometimes and so sad, so sad . Thank you for posting to me, your such a nice person and your post has helped me more than you know.
XOXOXOXOXO I wish you all the best

 

[Nikki_d72]

Thanks hon, tho I dunno about the wise bit! I hope you work it out hon and hope I do too! Good luck, much love xxx

 

[Sarah27]

xxxx big hugs xxxxx hope you can decide what is the right thing to do? It is so hard.. and I wish I had answers for you. With regards to your age I wouldnt' worry too much I think if you are still have AF and ovulating you still have a chance of getting pg sooooo keep on going if you feel that you can....

I had my amh level checked before I got my bfp and this is a much better indication to your ovarian reserve. The FSH and LH blood test isn't as accurate as the AMH level test. So that may be worth having a go if you are thinking of a rainbow... xxxxx

 

[kiki04]

Hun I agree that if you feel it is something you will forever regret you should definately try I personally dont think you are too old as I said in my PP a friend of mine is just about 40, hasn't been pg in 17 years, this was a surprise and he will be here in 2 short months. I can tell in your posts that you feel in your heart so much you want to try again, but it is fear that is stopping you... but just remember, that even though the first step is the hardest step, it is also the most important one to get on the path you want to go.

 

[fluffyblue]

Hi hun like you I had two living children and then decided to try for a 3rd. I lost 5 angel babies in the space of 18 months. I eventually got diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder and after daily injections, aspirin, progesterone, weekly scans, consultant visits I eventually had Ollie on 17th January 2011.

I didnt want to try again after my 3rd loss mainly due to the fear but deep down the want of having another child far outweighed the fear of another loss.

I was 37/38 when I had my losses and 39 when I gave birth to Ollie. My husband is now 43. At no time did any of the medical profession mention my age.

I was investigated for fertility issues and was put on clomid due to irregular ovulation and short luteal phase defect but again this wasnt due to my age.

I believe that our angels help us get to this place because had I not lost then I wouldnt have learnt about my condition and to me that is them giving me back hope.

God bless you and sweet dreams Ava xx

(I also lost a baby girl at 20 weeks but that was over 23 years ago) xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi hun like you I had two living children and then decided to try for a 3rd. I lost 5 angel babies in the space of 18 months. I eventually got diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder and after daily injections, aspirin, progesterone, weekly scans, consultant visits I eventually had Ollie on 17th January 2011.

I didnt want to try again after my 3rd loss mainly due to the fear but deep down the want of having another child far outweighed the fear of another loss.

I was 37/38 when I had my losses and 39 when I gave birth to Ollie. My husband is now 43. At no time did any of the medical profession mention my age.

I was investigated for fertility issues and was put on clomid due to irregular ovulation and short luteal phase defect but again this wasnt due to my age.

I believe that our angels help us get to this place because had I not lost then I wouldnt have learnt about my condition and to me that is them giving me back hope.

God bless you and sweet dreams Ava xx

(I also lost a baby girl at 20 weeks but that was over 23 years ago) xxx

I am so sorry for your losses, my god it's awful. Thank you for sharing your story, you have no idea how it helps me and what it means to me. All of you sharing something that hurts more than people know. I am going to try again, I just feel like if I don't I will regret it and I don't think I could live with that. Thank You XOXOXOOXOX

 

[daopdesign]

I say go for it! I've known a few woman in their late 30's early 40's have a healthy pregnancy and I know exactly what you mean when you say you are terrified of it happening again. Every pregnancy is different and you gotta just stay strong and positive because you will drive yourself crazy!

 

[Mon_n_john]

I say go for it too. It really sounds like that is what you want. Don't let fear stop you!

 

[bek74]

Well I personally don't think your to old to be trying again, it is more like do you want to try again? And only you know that answer babe. I am 37 and you know what I went through to have the twins but I knew if I didn't try I would forever regret it. You will never stop thinking about Ava, just as I haven't forgot my baby I lost. I think having another will help heal your heart and knowing you like I do, I think if you don't try, you will always wonder and will forever regret it. I hope ur not thinking of trying because your not wanting to upset your older boys because in no time at all they will have moved out. Put yourself first, you and I both know that you have longed for another baby before you fell with Ava, life is to short to put on hold. I plan on trying for another in a couple of years, when I am 39-40 and I don't think I will be too old.
You know the answer to your question, deep down you know. So my honest opinion from a long time friend who loves you, I say yes try and start now.
Love you always with all my heart xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Well I personally don't think your to old to be trying again, it is more like do you want to try again? And only you know that answer babe. I am 37 and you know what I went through to have the twins but I knew if I didn't try I would forever regret it. You will never stop thinking about Ava, just as I haven't forgot my baby I lost. I think having another will help heal your heart and knowing you like I do, I think if you don't try, you will always wonder and will forever regret it. I hope ur not thinking of trying because your not wanting to upset your older boys because in no time at all they will have moved out. Put yourself first, you and I both know that you have longed for another baby before you fell with Ava, life is to short to put on hold. I plan on trying for another in a couple of years, when I am 39-40 and I don't think I will be too old.
You know the answer to your question, deep down you know. So my honest opinion from a long time friend who loves you, I say yes try and start now.
Love you always with all my heart xxx

Hey, your here you found me..... LOL, we are always on different parts of the forum. You have been one of my bestest friends for 6 yrs and I love you so so much And your 100% right and I know that, and I know you went to hell and back to get your babies and I remember me telling you never to give up, so why should I?
I love you, Bek, more than you know.XOXOOXOXOXO